Monday, July 16, 2018

All that glitters is not silver. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, July 26, 2014

Listen to your weaker brothers. Their intellect could save you a lot of trouble if you swallow your pride.


You don't have to be Einstein to work out the theory of mortgage relativity. Simple Simon. When interest rates go up they keep going up and up. Until you feel the tug of financial gravity dragging you down. I'm not here to depress you so if you'd like to lean back and relax on your lounge suite you'll find they are all designed for right angled people with no back support,as an alternative, you could lie on the floor with your missus and read this to her. If you haven't got one i'll get you a new floor.

Once upon a time,in the bowels of the institute of learning library lived two silverfish. Hey you two! cut that out! Okay,just a quick peck then, leave some popcorn for the kids. The two silverfish were like popcorn and cheese. Iron was a body building silverfish.He could eat through a War and Piece novel before you could say "keep your hands to yourself i'm eating popcorn and reading rubbish!" Are you two listening or what? Don't lie to me.

Now Stein, Iron's older brother, was very very intellectual, thin, myopic, thick silverfish rimmed glasses. Bow tie, paper stained trousers, silver cuff links, no tats. Stein was methodical. He chewed his words carefully,slowly,not a show off guts like Iron.You wouldn't have to be Einstein to work that out. Could you two just check you're not lying on Iron, he's got a tat of a silver fish on his upper arm, short hair, and loves stacking lost popcorn and finding it.

One day a little old lady came into the library and sat down at a "ssshhhh!" table, well she wouldn't do the splits and lie down now would she? Not like your missus did just then when she got up to get a coke and slipped on Iron's stacked popcorn,nearly ironing herself out. She'll be okay. Women have a popcorn iron will and pain threshold far above men.

The little old lady was a trifle weary in the eyes. She pulled out her anti-shortsightedness magnifying glass,bag of popcorn, and flask of Jim Beam her doctor said would not harm her as long as she left the lid on. She started reading 'do it yourself liposuction for the over nineties using only your everyday vacuum cleaner' plus the followup book,"so! you've got your over 90 derriere stuck in one side of the nozzle and your face as well' with the optional 'life sucks turn the power off and pull your dust bag out. Start at the other end.'

Iron saw the lady reading, walked up and shouted at the startled woman,"how do you like my body, bit better than skinny guts bookworm Stein over there, would you like a date? With that he rolled a dried prune towards her. Ruth got such a fright she slammed her liposuction instructions shut, turned her vac off, dropped her magnifying glass on the table and ran off as fast as her vac which had a foreign body stuck in it-would allow her.

Look i know you two are getting wrestlers and running out of popcorn. Why you've rung the wrestlers is beyond me? Sorry a Freudian slip. Restless...that's it. Why you wrestlers are getting restless is beyond me. Stein walked over to the mag glass and sat under it for a bit of shelter as the vac lady had left a draft behind. Iron gasped. "My God Stein you're ten times the size of me what are you on brother!" With that the jealous Iron pushed his brother out from underneath, and peered over the edge of the glass to admire his enormous body. He was so proud of his body shape increase he didn't listen to Stein when his brother whispered urgently, "pride goes before a ball...of fluff! Lookout!" The library ball of fluff saw the huge magnified morsel, stopped chewing scrap lipo which it thought was an aged venison treat for puss. Leapt on Iron, swallowed him whole, sneered at Stein, walked off.

Now the moral is this. Be happy with your body shape whether thin or fat. Don't magnify your wants beyond reasonable expectations. If you're a magnificent bodybuilding over magnified silverfish there isn't always a silver lining. Maybe inside a hungry puss? Have you finished your corn? I have. Serious, is there any food value to speak of in popcorn? Or is it a bit like a ribald Starchy and Hutch episode you shouldn't force on your stomach? Take care, make sure you vacuum the stray corn. Have a crunchy one.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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7 comments on All that glitters is not silver. RIGINAL.

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By Barbara MacDonald on July 26, 2014 at 09:55 am

Alright then...hee hee. Oh Riginal, where do you come up with this stuff?..does it appear like a vision in a dream...or do you create in interesting friend....the moral... as I am learning is..."Gravity is a bitch"...but the other option, is not good at all...:>)

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By riginal on July 26, 2014 at 01:32 pm

Barb you're closer to God than i'll ever be, your poetry is proof. In one of your interludes with your faith would you ask the almighty what the hell is wrong with me? Then please break it to me gently...if it starts with M...sssshh! I don't want the neighbors to think i'm abnormal. They already wonder why i put my rubbish bins out about three hrs after the collection truck has been. You women! You keep worrying about gravity! You make me smile girl...isn't that anti-gravity? There's no such thing as beauty before age...just ageless beauty my friend. And keep away from that damn mechanic girl he's only got one thing on his mind...fixing your car...and charging YOU! Men are disgusting. :>)

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By HomeRearedChef on July 26, 2014 at 01:51 pm

Barbara, the "where do you come up wit this stuff?" is what I am always asking him. We think alike, amiga!

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By HomeRearedChef on July 26, 2014 at 01:55 pm

I guess with getting older that is when "gravity" comes in to play. Sigh. Yes, we women seem to stress a lot about being heavy and out-of-shape, but it can't be helped. For me, if I'd never, ever been thin and in-shape then I would never have known the difference. But I was thin and in-shape for the longest time in my life, so today I cannot be accepting of having weight on. But I am trying!

And I DO like the moral of your story; I am working on being "happy!"

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By Barbara MacDonald on July 26, 2014 at 02:38 pm

Riginal, you are always so kind ....and actually I do not worry too much is a blessing to be able to grow older with grace and have so many other blessings that life brings us....I think in many ways I am most content now. The weight thing... I do not care, but basically still weigh what I did in High School,so I will be thankful for that Virginia. I briefly put on some weigh at around 50, but that has disappeared as my hormones balanced out on their own I guess. I think I am getting shorter but who cares, it's all good... :)

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By HomeRearedChef on July 26, 2014 at 03:02 pm

Oh, goodness, Barbara, I don't think I want to be shorter. lol! So I always remember to drink my milk, eat my cheese, and enjoy some yogurt. :)

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By Barbara MacDonald on July 26, 2014 at 05:44 pm

I do too mi amiga. I love yogurt, and have it daily. I have always been petite... now I just will be an inch shorter...LOL.

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