REAL STORIES
BY REAL PEOPLE Search
Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Thousands of jobs.RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, July 23, 2014

Thousands of jobs on line if you stand in line wait for a time?.............................................

'JOBS' INTERNET IS A LOAD OF CRAP. riginal.

In today's terminology, internet jobs are a lot of unmitigated unadulterated over rated load of poppycocking insular mind boggling waste of ad nauseam time nausea bull twangling hypocritical hazy silk screen filtered mish mash of shakedown quite frankly i've ever seen in my- "email us now, for your dream job"-life. Thousands of jobs await you, "wait you! how dare you leave this site, you have literally thousands of jobs at your fingertips. So many in fact your fingertips will be scorched with delight, your finger nails will self destruct in joy because we have thousands and literally thousands of jobs available for the taking. We are THE place to be whether you want casual work, full time work, part time, a few hours or so, minutes? We have one job but you must apply now for your chance to enter the dork force...sorry, workforce. See, we are a pack of insane liars. We work out of a garden shed which we were forced to evacuate in inclement circumstance because there's no roof. And if you don't mind sitting on a pitchfork forking out bulldust from our centrally heated campfire under canvas outback you may end up forking fortunate because we need a roof on our call centre which was originally a hay shed but it blew away. Actually there's two jobs...no...five, pardon we, (make sure you have one BEFORE YOU APPLY) otherwise you'll wet yourselves with enthusiasm over this five a dime treat of scholastic opportune. To whit, actually we prefer five twits, to reconstruct a plethora of diagramatical wind strewn bits of centre. Is this your calling? We need a roof technician, roof assistant coach, a confident canny 'can do' person with owner owned can opener who can screw at a moment's notice, a hay shed technical support linguist, an advanced tin sheet stacker to retrieve and join same to reconstruct according to plans supplied in 3D maybe 4 D large, as we will take bra measurements of the successful applicants before their foundation garments are poured for their permanent temporary job. That of sitting on the tent technician's strategic 'tie down' anti-lift cyclonic peg in case a cyclone erupts and gets the wind up again.

There is no discrimination and all workers of the final assess chosen for 'wind work mode' of both sexes as well as male and female, can choose their own bras and foundation colors in case of a blackout. The future of our company prides itself on a level playing field. Which seems to occur with monotonous regularity. Blackouts and cyclones that is. We have office, nation/paddock wide. Depending on which direction the cyclone blows the office. You may be asked at times to work across the road, on top of a tree, wrapped round a 66 thousand volt power tower. Back to the original spot, no charge. Yes, if travel isn't in your blood then why the bloody hell put in for the shocking job anyway? You will be paid a standard rate in lieu of your knowledge, that's why,if you're a d...head or a politician you will be welcomed with opened barn,depending on the angle.

Once you have graduated from our garden shed you could rise to the heady position of skylight in the barn. Specially if you are still entangled in the powerful managerial position of being responsible for holding up the 66 thousand volt cables which the Grade Z class volt engineer, Herman Sherman Gripasscheeks (that's what his bulldust resume said?) advised was turned off at the mains power source. But Herman got confused after too much sauce at morning tea break thus you're left singing "Herman...you light up my life" flip side,"hold on i'm coming!"

Sure, it's a load of crap. but so too are the headlines of job offers. You click on and if you're lucky you are redirected to a dating site or a "this site no longer available due to heavy wind gusting foundational bras," Nothing ever matches or coincides with any job relevancy? Once you get down to the nitty gritty. For example i checked out an optic cable hauling job for a mate which somehow directed me to a mining 'local' job, East of Calcutta. To rub salt in the wound, you had to supply your own. Then there's the 'mature age no discrimination job.' Death. Guess when you think about it it doesn't discriminate,does it?

What i'm saying here is how many misleading ads? Look like jobs but end up a thinly disguised or cleverly disguised 'training ad.' "Once you have been ' fully trained' the world is your oyster." That's if you like sitting on a train, full, travelling round the world cracking open oysters. "Send your email in and we'll let you know in red letters to tell you,"listen dildo we told you a month of oyster cracking jobs ago there aren't any...BE BLOODY TOLD! Our new training program will get you on the right train but you'll have to buy your own oysters but don't crack a wobbly with us because if it is it may be a bad oyster. However, our 'good the bad and the ugly' oyster training program will take you to fart away places should you not attend.

What the hell happened to a phone call? Would provide employment for extra oyster staff. Feel sorry for the young and old job seekers. The world for most is not their oyster sometimes. In the modern vernacular, "so so over it!" I was going to put in an ad for an advertising job but with my luck i'd end up being redirected to an oyster farm pawn site. Can you pawn your oysters? Enough wise cracks. Have a bad oyster free weekend. Good luck with your job hunt. I ate a can of smoked oysters once, made me butt out. Never smoked one since.



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

2 comments on Thousands of jobs.RIGINAL.

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By HomeRearedChef on July 24, 2014 at 01:50 pm

Amigo, you have hit the nail right on the head with this one. You told it like it really is. Way to go!

I have heard of MANY people that come away awfully disappointed from having answered one of those ads.

Oh, and I have never smoked an oyster either. lol!

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By riginal on July 25, 2014 at 12:21 am

Virginia i always err on the side of exaggeration a tad, i have also had trouble sending resumes mailed/faxed when i was younger. They somehow used to dissapear according to the office girl,along with the boss who is "at a conference." Sick, or would ring me back. There are a few good jobs on the net but like spam the infiltration of bogus crap is soul destroying for someone really trying.Plus crowds of very intelligent workers having to go for a lesser job.Gone are the days when you could walk in and just start. All jobs have to go through employment agencies. Overseas 'cheap' just sucked 600 workers from employment in Australia by Telstra whom i worked for plus myriads of other jobs.A lot of times it's a job through whom you know. Sad fact of life V.To start a business with little capital or to run one with little to me is as brave as walking a monetary tightrope. In fact to get out of bed of a morning unless it's to ask a bird why it's so happy is an effort. Maybe life is for the birds? You take care girl. There's always a bright side, that's why we have curtains? :>)

 Report abuse



Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.


Rate This Article


Your vote matters to us



x


x