Wednesday, January 23, 2019


by riginal (writer), moe australia, July 10, 2014

A chook named Sue. She cackled quite a bit, sidestepped, and hip. If she spoke at all she just said "hi!" swung her hip...back flipped.


A chook is Aussie slang for a chicken. Aussie is slang for Australian. An Australian is...slung/annexed to Americans.Americans are great friends of Australians. Both of these great towns have great leaders...only they haven't been voted in yet. We need leaders that don't run round like chooks with their heads cut off which sounds awful so perhaps if the chooks were left a head and substituted for our leaders then chicken-hearted decisions would not be made in haste and everyone could get ahead...sort of thing.

Once upon a time in the far off land of America many many airports away from Australia there lived a chook farmer named Farmer.

It was a happy farm of some 500 free range oil laying chooks in cyclone alley Texas. There was a few non laying roosters and rumor had it that on the weekends the roosters got the good oil.

Please don't ask me why the chooks laid oil instead of eggs. OKAY! I'll tell you. Would you fill your car up with oil or eggs if you lived in Texas? There was a cyclone one night and the chooks started laying oil. Gas that's not a very good explanation but that's beside the chook distillate laying point.

Farmer Farmer had this one young chick that was born an egg layer. He couldn't work it out. Took the chook down to the vet and the vet verified that it was indeed a strange chick. Farmer Farmer noticed also that the chook was different. It seemed to have the potential to skylark and act the fool, get drunk on Halloween, dress up like a chicken. It did somersaults, break dance, the twist, stuck its beak into everything. Wasn't interested in going to chook uni, the fine arts, driving a tractor, or reading roosters bedtime stories as it knew roosters had an ulterior motive regarding what went on between the sheets of a bedtime story on the weekend book ins.

Just like the politicians in the White House, young Sue had no interest in politics or people. Only clowning around. Sue was actually endorsed as a candidate for the town of Wind where the chooks lived but when she got wind of the move she blew off down the paddock and dressed up as Richard Nixon. Hid behind Water gate until she was thrown out of contention. Just couldn't take responsibility, neither could Sue.The other chooks hated Sue. They scoffed as Sue did egg back flips and scrambled round like a chook circus clown,pulling faces and reciting Shakespeare at chook gatherings. Tried to ignore the misfit and went about their daily chore of laying oil. One day an awful virus hit town.

A government official came to town. A double virus perhaps? Mad chook disease was sweeping Texas. The chooks had their brooms taken from them but it didn't help feather the problem.The virus kept sweeping unabated. The official told Farmer Farmer to bring out one of his 'normal' chooks so that it would be a model to judge the other chook's sanity by. Sue was chosen simply because her owner loved her eggs, and didn't want to go back to scrambled,boiled or fried oil. Left oil rings round his mouth and blue smoke out his ears when his missus got revved up in the kitchen after she switched her oven to extra hot.

The official and Sue had a great time. Sue did a few back flips, the twist, flew round the room like a mad thing until the chortling pair sat together exhausted on the couch watching Dr. Phil trying to separate two bad eggs. Fry as he may the couple couldn't agree on anything and they asked Dr. Phil how they could change. Dr. Phil sent out for medication urgently,told the two combatants to join the army, the French Foreign Legion, or go to Egypt as journos. He then took the medication...a news flash told of the mad chook disease. The official was tired, so was Sue. It was decided to check out the 'feral' chooks in the morn now that Sue the 'normal' chook could be used as a template.

Now a local fox from Fox News crept into the farm to give the other chooks the bad oil that Sue the clown was the chook that they were going to be judged by. The 499 chooks got together, started doing back flips like Texas pollies. Reciting the Ten Chook commandments, ie: thou shalt not take a chook's oil in vein. Thou shalt not bear false oil...that sort of thing.

Morning broke. The official went down the paddock after he and Sue ate a hearty breakfast of beaken and eggs. The chooks tore out of the shed flipping and sidestepping, laughing and cackling. The official turned to FF, scratched Sue's head,"they're just like you Sue, seem normal?" Farmer Farmer interrupted with a curse. "NO! NO! NO! That's not normal for this lot...they must have the mad chook virus! A sad day indeed. 499 mad acting chooks put down...running round like chooks with their heads cut off. Of course the farmer received compensation, he bought 499 egg laying chooks just like Sue. The refinery had trouble processing the eggs and many cars refused to run on Google ( my worn out laptop hardly does?) but then again some off the crap they dilute our fuel with these days smells like rotten egg gas wouldn't you agree?

Now the moral is this. Be careful who you imitate.You don't have to run or peck with the crowd.

You may ask why the chook's didn't have their blood pressure, vital signs checked, and blood sampled. Are you kidding me! Sue booked in to get a tooth filled and had to wait six months by gum. But that's public chook health and government officialdom for you! Have a great Google, watch out for sweeping virus.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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