Thursday, July 19, 2018


by riginal (writer), moe australia, June 23, 2014

All feelings have attachment to the living foods we eat. All living things eatable radiate their feelings of fear when brought to the boil for example. Heard a crab squeak when embroiled?


Saw on the tele. Most should be sawn in half for reason of their emitted tripe ie: 'important news.' So too crustacean paper type news. Some idiot scientific study has found that although crabs and such have been proven to be of low intelligence- just above a politician's- boffins suggest they have FEELINGS! a fact hitherto unknown apparently!

That's the crustaceans i'm talking about. Jeeze! if i dropped any of you people out there living pon the crust of this world into a boiling hot pot of water would i hurt your feelings? How the hell would the scientists test this newly found pain crabby angst? Through heat of their pants? Did they hook up a heatproof crab helmet wired to decipher a crab's thoughts milliseconds before the pain registers in the boiling thoughts of it? Previously was crabby happy living pon n' around sea prior to becoming hammered into a deceased delicacy.

Did a 'crab report' graph print out state "shit man! you bloody humans are lower than the low. This hurts and in my dying scrabble squeak of anguished pain a curse on you...hope you get crabs. Hope the God of low crab intellect wacks you sideways with a Niagrafic Falls of hellish hot water, then render your inertness of tail splendid with salt. Peppered, cracked open...your spine torn out, and all sorts of crab cream mayo stuffed in every crevice and your flesh ripped. Engorged pon. How then would yews feel in your shattered cloak if indeed the crab afterlife could be transposed into your wrecked body? A bit cheesed off? NO? Maybe you've been so unhappy with what God gave you in life you are so crabby and boiling rage within you- couldn't give a crab stick? But you chose to stick a reluctant crab and stove its body in. Sands of shame."

How then DO you feel? I'm listening. For instance do you feel crabby and hot under the collar when your next door neighbor whom you believe crawled out from under a rock, rolls up with a sexy little female crab he 'found' washed up in a bar that you are not allowed in because your missus with six kids said if she catches you there she'll boil over and give you a roasting a pig on a spit would be fearful of and turn tail on its own bacon?

Do you get emotional when the same rock crawler backs his twin turbo rock crawler out of his mansion and heads off down to the dunes to rock n' roll sideways with Ms scrabble Crab? Course you do. It's only natural. But when you're watching tele and your missus is licking your profile delicately from ear to ear and the kids are sound asleep life's not so crabby is it?

Rich or poor, beast or crab we all have feelings. Famous or broke, resentment flows also from the upper level of,"wish i wasn't famous...had six kids and a permanent faithful missus to give me a tongue lashing bar none."

See how things even out? The rich have to watch their backs. Social backstabbers and feigned friendship.All you broke guys with kids know who your friends are. The ones that don' t dob you in because you only went into THAT topless bar you were told to keep out of- ONCE. Real friends don't get drunk at your birthday and blurt things out generally speaking. Your friends do NOT divulge their mate's secrets to their women folk and we all know why. Because women can get really talkative that's why they are always on the phonetically reposed. Until a leak develops and before you know it you're being gushed/savaged with a "please explain why all my friends know where you went once...get out of my sight before you make me sick. You can damn well sing for your supper, my tongue and your profile want a divorce." Even though you didn't REALLY do anything wrong to cause a tongue withdrawal. You sit there eating cold crab. Afraid to go near her claws.You 'accidently' reverse over your blabbermouth mate after you ask him to check your number plate light. But he's okay after you drag him onto the nature strip and he blurts something stupid like "i thought your missus knew because my missus told everyone she told to keep it from your missus. I said to my missus, keep it under your hat but when i come to think of it she doesn't possess one to keep anything under?

Yes i'd hate to be a low intellect crab or an equivalent side- stepping bar -hopping fearful politician. But now it has been ascertained they FEEL then i suppose crab and politician shrinks could be trained to analyze and dispense advice and pills to help fearful crabs adjust to the fear of inevitable death and with proper training most crabs could be taught not to crawl inside a steel cage to chomp down on meat which looks suspiciously foreign and looks out of place in their water world. The pollies of course are too cagey around steal. They get their subordinates to go round stealing. They meat in private.

Maybe fish are flaky about their feelings? Sardines destined for tins may fear enclosed space prior to their demise?

Speaking of de mice, would you feel fearful when you realize you've been poisoned?

To get to the main point of this po-blog i was watching the news and wasn't surprised when the female newsreader stated that $25 million had been ripped off men and women in Australia as a result of rorting regarding dating sites.

I fear that it will reach epidemic proportions worldwide, a detriment sadly for the 'genuine' sites. Are there such 100% ?Fear of loneliness and being left on the shelf. Fear does strange things to prospective relationships...and bank accounts.

Be careful. Don't end up with an idiot writer. They have no future. Marry someone with their feet on the ground...preferably with the rest attached. Ladies, don't get too crabby on your husbands or lovers. You'll find that if you give them a good tongue lashing they won't wander far. And if they do maybe they weren't worth it to begin with. But then none of us are perfect i fear. Even simple crabs that spend their lives scrabbling for their piece of Nirvana among the nooks and rocky seascape of the world sometimes get stranded by human endeavor and don't want to 'step up to the plate' so to speak. Think about it before you let your culinary mood go rampant boiling mad.

Put yourself in the crab's may end up hot to trot? A simple clause i know. Don't go sticking politicians in boiling pots.

They get in enough hot water. They're not a bad i've heard. They have your best interest at heart. But make sure that if you vote one in their interest pays dividends. But don't bank on it. Have a great day and buy your missus some flowers. They have feelings way beyond just cooking and cleaning. If something's on the tip of their tongue and they say "it doesn't matter" gently prize it out of them. But i say that tongue in cheek. Don't we all? It does matter and a great marriage or relationship exists through the portals of understanding each others needs. As opposed to the potholes of misunderstanding and getting kneed outside a bar. Ask any scientist who talks to his crabs. What a way to earn a crust acean's trust. Maybe scientists will talk to snails in an attempt to get them to come out of their shells.

They have feelers you know. I know of one that fell in love with a Cabbage Patch doll.It was love at first bite. Her parents told the snail their daughter was under age and snail bait. Snail wouldn't listen. Fell head over shell for her. But the amorous snail refused to clean his teeth. Had an awful cabbage breath. Parents got crabby,slugged him. S died. Whether the snail was poisoned or died of lovesick overdose is still being de baited by the scientist who made it his life's work to find the cause of death. That very same scientist discovered that if you keep your ear to the ground you can hear earwigs. Rattling in your ear. They have feelings you know. Ask any ear.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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