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Monday, November 20, 2017

Angry Comments

Credit: wikepedia commons
by Karl Muller Lesende

My only guideline for comments on my blogs is to encourage comments that are interactive and positive.

People are free to disagree with me; in fact, I am grateful to have people point out a fallacy in my facts or in my thinking because it helps me learn and grow as a person and as a writer.

As for negative or angry comments, I have finally become smart enough to understand that the best response to angry comments is silence.

Why?

I can repeat or clarify a misunderstanding. I can attempt to reconcile opposing viewpoints but usually someone who is closed to any other opinion is the person to write a negative response. If they refuse to engage in positive dialogue, I don’t bother bashing my head against the wall.

Often an angry person wants to engage in a verbal fight. In fact he is purposefully antagonizing me. After living with teenagers, my husband and I quickly learned how to diffuse angry confrontations because they were unproductive. Angry feedback always reminds me of teenage outbursts. Here is a typical encounter at our house a few years ago.

One of my sons , in his early teens, had just announced that he could not stand living under our roof another minute,

“I’m out of here!”, he bellowed, “and don’t expect me to come back!”

The door slammed and he tore off on his ten speed bike. Of course my father was visiting and witnessed this dramatic episode. After a few minutes, my dad turned to my husband and wondered,

”Aren’t you going to go after him?”

Michael calmly kept reading, then looked up and explained,
“Oh, I’m not worried. The only place near enough to bike to is one of his buddies houses and they don’t feed kids over there. He’ll be back when he is hungry enough.”

No need to over-react. No need to lecture or argue. Just let nature take its course.

Most importantly. Do not take angry reactions personally. I would be in a mental health hospital if I took to heart every insult my teenagers hurled at me. Most negative feedback says more about the person commenting and his own emotions and reactions than it does about me or my opinions.

I ask myself, “Why is the respondent angry?”

He is not really critiquing my writing style, content or conclusions, especially if a vehement response attacks me the writer. That is just the release valve which is handy at the moment. My words triggered a dramatic attack because the commentator has issues. Issues that lay buried until some unsuspecting scapegoat like me pushes his buttons. I refuse to play those games.

Silence is often a better teacher than any ‘wisdom’ I could spout



About the Writer

My husband and I raised 9 children on a hobby farm and discovered fulfilment and joy.The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people. My writing is humourous and heart warming/ thoughtful and thought provoking with a strong current of spirituality running through it.
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4 comments on Angry Comments

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By riginal on June 05, 2014 at 09:05 am

but Melanie 'spouting' lets off steam! Vaporized self opinionated i will concede though is not worth the air it displaces but the arguing retrospective jar respectively must be filled to the brim otherwise empty heads such as myself would feel,well...empty? Arguments don't kill people but wounded relationships as a result of such fester so let there be a band aid or salve of decorum and respect..."do pun to others as you would pun do to them and if they don't want to shake verbal hands at the end of a debate then i believe the loud guns of silence should blast them and their opinions...hands down. Or, here's a thought! Erase their diatribic nonsense by turning up full volume the 'silence' knob. Bet you didn't think of that Melanie?...or did you? I mean just because you thought of it first that deflates the argument...or does it? Nice post girl,silence does indeed reap the benefit of having more time to talk to someone who doesn't know what they're talking about and i don't want any argument over that and if you hadn't read this think of the amount of time you would have saved which you could have devoted to the pursuit of silence...and now you've got a headache haven't you! Just tell your hubby you don't want any arguments...just bring the FULL box of asprins...hold the water! Chew very slowly Melanie...and try to be silent about it. I'm going now, maybe if you just put your feet up?...OKAY! i'm going! Jeeze! some people!.......they'll argue over a box of asprin...i'm going...i'm going!...like an argumentive bridge over troubled waters...i will flay me down...don't argue just pass the whip...OUCH! that hurt!...but i'll suffer cate in silence...cheers terrier...

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By Barbara MacDonald on June 05, 2014 at 03:46 pm

Melanie, my friend, well said...never allow any one's else's issue to make you sink to their level....We meet such diverse people on the net, so many beautiful souls who touch our hearts and souls... we also can be exposed to those who are carrying so much hurt and anger...I pray for them...and like you most times will stay silent...unless they attack someone I love...then I will let them know that is not at all acceptable ...

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By melanie jean juneau on June 05, 2014 at 06:43 pm

riginal , I love your humour and your honest vents and rants

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By melanie jean juneau on June 05, 2014 at 06:44 pm

Barb- good qualification; I concur completely

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