AL FRESCO: THE POLITICIANS' REP. RIGINAL.
Good God people! Had i known yews were worried about the state of denial which i'm representative of by impulse and sheer caring concern i would have contacted all 319.9 million of you U.S.A liens personally.
Name's Al, Al Fresco.Damn near choked midst having an outdoor bite with my secretary on hold when she mentioned people needed us pollies to do something...ANYTHING!...to relieve your pain. Well...i'm here now, your servant,rolling my sleeves up as i speak. Ms Vampasuck has fallen in the pool again. If i've told that woman once i've told her a dozen crimes, keep the pool at champagne temperature and full of.
I just might have to let her go,she can't type, drive,make coffee, or bake scones. Just whacks the occasional fly off my fore -head with her ridiculously long nails in an attempt to take my mind off the fact that last week she turned the tap marked 'booze' on, filled the pool of representatives in the upper house with Budweiser. Had to temporarily pull the plug of admin...no good adding min to beer or even suggesting mini beer. Rang the White House urgently to fly in all reps of the people to drain the pool in lieu of the fact i didn't want a beer stain pon surface ridge instead of a bubbly stain.
Told Ms Vampasuck to throw a few dozens pigs on the spit. What does that silly little V girl do? She gets confused, starts spitting over the incoming members a few dozen times before we could wrestle her to the ground and gag her. See, whenever there's trouble here in the good old U.S.A. we gag the speaker, in this case, the secretary.
But i digress. The pool trough is now spit free and chocka with Vampy free mocha. Imported from Starbucks. Most of us are sober now. Some were licking round the Budweiser plug hole to de stain, but they desisted when Ms V turned the reality 'Caffiene' "sober up you wankers" tap on, to present a unified frontal trough to enable decisions to be ratified thus infusing the rat infestation in our ranks that want to abstain from treating the voters like guinea pig rats so that come erection time something substantial will tickle the people's fancy. I Al have my finger on the pulse of society and believe you me when i put my thoughts into full swing the see-saw wastage i've just been made aware of will be reigned in,on, and subsequently revised to present an overall picture pon which my secretary can pinpoint the trouble spots needing injective money, thought, and overall subhuman effort, to quantify the need of a better standard of living. Not only for us pollies. Yes, now i understand the task ahead and the emptiness. I will fill the pool with bubbly once Ms V has licked the residue coffee of reality from the surrounding tiles.
It has been further voted, and we pollies now understand through rigorous plebisighting of an America too far away, that most of us sitting members sitting on ours, have not only cramped/crabbed them; but remission reluctance and blatant ignorance has partially destroyed our image. Indeed i have implemented a photo session of the total administration of America's best 'can do' people as an overall think tank.
If there's any film left after this photo session us pollies will have a 'can't do' photo spread as backup in case the can do can't quite do what we can't or could attempt to do,but we won't because we cannot can can do people just because we can't or more to the point won't. Now i know yews are saying "won't you at least try?" Can't because things are in such a state of directional mayhem hem may unravel further and the thread of the important things needed to be rectified will jam the cogs of reticence which doesn't bear thinking about so once again we won't. We will act in accordance with the catchphrase "enough is enough it's time to get tough on wastage, impropriety...whatever that means...and a rather jolly good tightening of resources so that the main flow of bubbly is transferred as a constant, not only to my pool...but bucketed three kilometres down the road to Ms V's clogged spa. I therefore can announce Ms V clog free.I know this sounds like double dutch,which she is.
Now i'd like to talk about my main thrust of importance. The pump in the pool needs a three million dollar overhaul. Let me be up front with my figures though i don't think you could come across one much better than Ms V's when she hits the trampoline freestyle. A basic expenditure is thus. Five dollars for the rubber washer to boost the bubbly bubbles. The rest of the money will be put in trust. You can trust me on that.
Several of the U.S.A. people complaining in the gutter say that they have no food. We will put in bigger gutters. So that excess food from our poolside shindigs will get to the most needy quicker. I hear yews say "that won't wash!" What on earth do you people want? Okay! okay! to keep the peace we'll wash the leftovers. Guess it will all come out in the wash as will Ms V's clogged spa.
You say you are cold. Be patient. Summer will eventually come round, i can't make it come any faster. You could spend the winter few weeks in a house like us pollies do. A house for those who have forgotten is something that embraces your safe and trinkets such as a champagne pool. I hear you! i hear you! i'll get Ms V to post out 319.9 million front doors with security locks so that anyone coming in the non existent back door of your gutter will be unable to get our leftovers through the front door because it will be locked.
Unemployment? That is of terrible concern. Where Ms V is going to find a job after i slide her ten mill in her drawers is of great great turmoilistic reverberation. I mean she'll have to go. She was on tap but she's getting slack on tap differentiation and that is most worrying.
Please don't apply for her job as my wife told me after she drowns "that flirtatious hussy in the pool," her words; she will apply some concrete evidence which will put me back in her box...of nere- do -well useless politicians.
Now i may be speaking out of turn but isn't that the reason you put us in in the fire place?...sorry,in the first place? When it's all sad and dumb...we won't be far away to support you in your tower of mead. That's right! I've let it slip. What America's meady need are towers of mead. Why? Simple! I'll be inside on side on site at the opening of the first mead tower. You see a pollie in mead is a friend indeed. I guess as most of the world now recognizes in this diatribic digital expression we call rampant progress I.T. It's all in the hands of Blog. Which all in all in my opinion is a load of bulldust. Or my name's not Al Frisco the freeloading, champagne drinking, swimming, V stroking pollie. To V or not to V...that is the vexion.
Remember, V are here vor you...yeah right. Sucks doesn't it?