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Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Oscar fly night..........RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, May 15, 2014

How far should butter be spread when olive oil is a far better alternative?

Geoff Goldblum-gotta fly. RIGINAL.

It was a large turnout, by fly standards.

The room buzzed. Oscar fly night. The stale cream cheese of Oscar society. Everyone chatted,animated, wide fly eyed. Low cut dresses, though nary a fly breast enlargement or tweaked pumped eyelid untouched by the fussing media,prying, filmic cluttered probe. Unable to pierce the hours of prep fly makeup or uncover a missed stitch on the sleek mandatorially expensive blown gowns flown in from the local fly blown tip.

Like humans, they scorn/envied the leading contenders of Oscarific final vote: wore the borrowed masked pretense of 'amiable,' flitting social, nodding grin,curt look, another grin, turned profile, until the spotlight passed, curt look...false laughter buzz.

The waiter's waited until the short gushing media interviews shorted to finality of "are you going to win tonight? you look stunning!" The demure reply from careful coy Madam Butterfly, "me? oh there are far more worthy than fly i!" Under her breath... she turns away. "If i don't fly to the top fly spot tonight i'll swat the bitch winner!" MB already had a nomination for her outstanding cow heart and dung beetle strained performance in "last blow buttered Tango in Paris".

She had literally buzzed her ass off to get the meaty part and Marlon Flybi had had her between buzzes. Bi and large the characters were a doomed parody of love...each destined to disaster by their own frailty. Fly movie goers were shocked by the blown butter scene. Some critics smeared the movie saying it was "a waste of good butter and would have been better suited if Marlon had of dipped his back legs politely in cheese dip or flapped briefly in olive oil. Others said the movie sucked as Brando mumbled so much in his wretched state of sexual despair and disparity of purpose in life it left them in a state of stale sardonic sardine sexless bewilderment at why the two just didn't go for a lust full sexless swim in the half eaten half full can?"

The waiters moved in politely, hesitantly, dainty plate fulls of proffered sardonic sardine cockless cocktails...sorry, tail less cocktails flown in from Ben's Diner next door, "all you can eat and throw up...stuffed fly stuff. With no tale ends. Complete with swat makeover.Plus residue replica original butter signed by Brando onset...after the outset set scene's desolate socially fragmented demise. Plus a buzz around the grease trap flybys redeemable holiday if you can guess how much butter is in a roundabout battered container full of bedazzled fly movie goers slipping and sliding on a DVD of the 'Fly.'

MB declined the offer, it was too much of a mouthful. She sat at the front, all swat cameras on her. Some maggot behind her whispered "bitch, you won't win! I am going to, for my brilliant portrayal of 'Louie' in 'maggot mega madness versus the monster mental menial meandering attack from the bloodcurdling mad Killer tomatoes from the sun dried left overs at Ben's dirty den in denial diner!"

Billy Fly Crystal spoke softly into the mike an old trick to silence the infernal buzz in human and fly audiences who know they can't win but they buzz hoping for a belated camera shot, "the winner is..." A hurried harried looking big breasted curvaceous fly briefly blows by Billy, thrusts a note under his astonished wing. He reads, his eyes blink...well i mean his blasted ears wouldn't now would they?

"Ladies and gentlemen of the fly acting fraternity, it is with much regret i have to announce there'll be no Oscar winner this year in deference and respect in lieu of the fact that approximately 20 minutes ago Geoff 'the Fly' Goldblum, winner last year, was just shot down over a 'no fly' zone in Russia by an English Mosquito". An uproar ensued. The maggot attacked Mad Butterfly, MB called the maggot a maggot, Marlon tried to flick stale butter over the combatants, the band started playing 'Grease'. Ben rushed in from his diner, rang Swat. The hairs on Billy's face started to rise.

He threw the winning envelope on the stage, flew off in a huff. Re-entered as true pros do. Grabbed the fly blown mike and shouted,"if it's not America's fly by's causing trouble it's the bloody English Mosquito's! I believe they both deserve a spray".

I don't know, some actors don't seem to know which side their bread's buttered on.

Some don't seem to know which side of the bed they're buttered on. Solution? Don't eat buttered crumpet in bed?

I do know who won the Oscar that year but i'm sworn to secrecy. I don't want some maggot ringing me up and crying in his fly "But i was a bit butter!"




About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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