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Monday, December 11, 2017

Talk is cheap.......RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, May 05, 2014

A lighthearted look at cheap light bulb production and other stuff with weak filaments and full on 'filling a few minutes' trying to find the end.

IVAN THE DIRIGIBLE. riginal.

Look I've just spent 5 minutes trying to find where a Chinese roll of masking tape starts. It's never ending isn't it? For a start why can't the start of the tape have a mark or perhaps an S to denote same? I know you're thinking,"there are worse things in life...there are!" When I did finally find the start it was a never ending battle to peel at least one complete circumference off intact without throwing a complete shambolic rage as it destripped in small separate nonchalant belligerent scraps of shred.

I mean when I spend $2... I EXPECT quality.

I rang-not emailed- as computers seem to have a mind of their own and we don't respect each other. I give it the single finger because plural finger tripping expertise have I not.

Don't laugh (it's optional ) but the inner cardboard ring of the tape residing in the bin next to the stripped handle of the plastic broom which also destripped itself when I over screwed it, says in blurred letters. 'Painter's Partner'' I kid you not.

Do you guys over screw things in the U.S.? Won't get into the economy as one could verbally screw oneself silly over that alone. Do you guys pull ring tabs on drinks and find the tab breaks off on your particular can, so you grab a can opener, inadvertently shaking it a tad so it it gushes forward in tortured relief, all over your dress or suit? Or all over your dress suit if wearing same which renders it quite unsuitable for you to stand there with coke cologne permeating the party scene and the sheila you sidled up to prior to the outburst not happy when you take out your handkerchief and start wiping her down when she didn't ask to be?

I'm wandering from my masked ring. Spoke to Fashida Fashyer owner of 'Paint Partners' factory situated just behind the fission n' chips Nuclear factory. Number 2. Co-incidently what the fission workers near did when the leeks started to run out. Bad fission rods?

Probably the reason for the reluctant sticky tape no end start. FF basically said WTF F off "what you want for two dollar Aussie? We no give refunny. It good tape til next door leeks leak fission into tape vat. Vat create big big probrem. Buy U.S.A. tape if you not happy kangaroo man.You Aussies comprain or rah time. Sure, U.S.A. tape roll ending you find end easy but our tape exercise your finger looking for end so stop to bitching sunburnt country fella. We love a sunburnt country too...a land of sweeping planes, we buy your planes in one foul sweep, when need fixing we stick up with roll of tape. Take bit longer than U.S.A. red tape, because Chinese 'quick screw on broom' to sweep up rabble rebel roll remnants "never ending story of no end" tape have screw loose or not at all so you no bitch Aussie boomerang or I come over there and buy your crummy house and kick spout!" "Don't you mean kick me out?""I say again, I no rike repeat... you risson good! - KICK YOUR SPOUT!" Savvy cheapskate steak sausage, lamb of sweeping planes, and drinker of cans we make send with impotent tabs?

We make better car because Australia no make car so stick in trike and pedal off Aussie, I have spoke... Cheap spoke. You buy? Made in China from China. Crack you up good little Aussie bleeder. We sell non-stick band aid if you bleeding from china spoke up after crack up.You stuck with broken steering stick we stick stick up with non-stick Super Brew. Just add bear...sorry beer. Your plastic seat crack-up you tape with U.S.A. tape if you want get home in daylight. You got no daylight? Don't be so smug...ummm smog...we have same trouble but our nights clear as Black sea see. I sell you red hot special. Cardboard torch to light up day at night. Turn day into night. With extra globe because other one blown."

Honestly I love Chinese but there's a FF Rotten roll of tape in every barrel or shipping container full of stripper brooms and cans you can't get a handle of or off...fit to burst. But what you expect for two dollar?

The purpose of this blog is not to berate the Chinese amalgamation with Australia as a business partner cemented, and or overcritical of their products in general...stores.

Indeed, I wanted to originally tell my reader about Ivan- the- Terrible, who was indeed. He took land and created a bit of a political ballsup. Gave trinkets of land to his supporter faction, more than a fraction of the country's wealth. Much changed since then?

But Ivan the Dirigible born I.D. 1930 'airhead' to his 'up in the air' parents was given the dirigible on his eighteenth birthday because you weren't allowed to drive a dirigible on open sky roads above Manhattan until 10+8 and only between the hours of 12 oclock high and 5 ish. Exactly. With the proviso new airheads had to stick to the left hand lane.

I.D.and his parents were very very kindly, though rich they wanted to help the people below the poverty line below. Against strict dirigible protocol. Late at night when Manhattan wealthy residents were rolling round in their beds trying to find the end of something or other, the giant airship would drop down hook- ended grappling ropes and haul up the wealthy's outhouses, deposit them on blocks of land nearby for the poor.

However their good deeds came unhooked when a rich relative of Ivan the terrible, (Ivan not quite as Terrible) was accidently yanked...out of bed by an errant hook. The astonished gouged man had to be put on an IV drip. Infused with greenbacks to bring him round. The air traffic board got wind of it. After the wind passed they visited the poor outhouses down the road, sniffing around. One bearded man in the investigating party- later to become a 'people person' and a great leader of mankind- remarked sorrowfully,"no wonder the poor have such a shit life!" He did his utmost to change that.

The reason you won't find this story in history books is because the rich living in Manhattan at that time let outhouses lie. Some shit- stirring night men were unemployed for a while until they sorted it and built new ones.

It certainly left a lump in the Manhattan wealthy throats, due to the inconvenience of no convenience...and many a lump no doubt I would suggest- in their backyards?

What happened to the family of well- meaning hookers? Dunno? Have to ask those who lived there I guess? Everyone has a high rise story when it's all said and done.

Got to go, just slipped off the Chinese loo seat, you know the one. No bolts...just double-sided tape...on the one side. What the FF does that exporter think he's slyly sliding?

If you can't find your end sometimes don't fret. It's bound to be on a roll in separate strips somewhere? What you want for two dollar?



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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