LEONARDO DA LEAN TO. RIGINAL
Leonardo Da Vinci you all know of well. Well- LDV, not to be confused with the video guy who lived next door, DVD, with his wife LCD (Little Colic Damsel) in distress because of-had a brother. Leonardo Da Lean To's surname was altered, not because his mum didn't equally love her slightly ne'er- do- well younger son.On the contrary, tried to give the unproductive boy a doting parental shake by pretending to disown the lad in an attempt to ignite his being.
But being lazy seemed to be Lean To's main objective. Da Vinci painted a lovely portrait of an enigmatic bemused slightly confused looking lady who looked like she really didn't want to be there as the DVD she had borrowed from next door which was a compilation of Leon's life-was overdue...a fine pending. If you look very closely at the original painting with an 'original' maggot defying glasses (no magnifying glasses at the time, just maggots defying wearing glasses) you will see where Da Leon has painted over the DVD in the background, much to Mona's displeasure.
I mean you all know how hard it is to convince a DVD shop owner that paint on the disc does not affect the basic playing of. And it shouldn't have back in those days because they didn't have laser pickups. The people of that era had to unravel the tracks,run them through a micro processor and watch virtual still life photos. The kerosene powered color TV's back in those days were not up to scratch. Someone in their stone house possibly stoned (an old sport) would light up a smoke and next thing you know 3D flame effects would affect the stoned. You've all heard of the burning bush?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time on what has taken me some years to glean an insight into so I'll have to leave Mona Lisa before the DVD chap starts bashing on the door demanding a bottle of turps in an effort to clean up Leonardo's life unraveled as it had to be, on disc. I'm wondering as an afterthought if indeed Mona had a SLIPPED disc and seems to be saying to the great man "will you be much longer as my back's killing me!" To which Leon may have retorted. "Don't be such a moaner Mona because the wind might change and you will end up with a crappy look on your face. One day your enigmaticness will be worth a fortune so cheer up. Do you want me to put a record on the grandmaphone which I invented yesterday. Wrote a song too. "When you're smiling, when you're smiling, the Holy world smiles with you!"
Look I apologize for wandering I'll stick to LDV's brother as I don't want to take up this whole post over a lovely lady frowning a smile simply because she was somewhere she didn't want to be. If it will make yews feel any better the DVD shop burnt down when a new fangled kero color TV the owner was converting to 4D turpentine burnt his shop down during the demo. Thus saving late fees due to the cash register melting. Actually I have another precedent for lack of Mona's beam. Maybe,just maybe she had just returned the LDV and was actually burned on the bustle.
She may have then rushed straight into L's studio for her 'sitting' as she was running late. Can anyone out there of female genre tell me what sort of look you would have on your face,I won't mince words...when you're sitting on a stool being painted by a genius but your bum's burning. NOW! that indeed would account for the distorted smile would it not?
I'd like to follow the burning bum theory up so if any of you modern Millie girls are fired up out California highway way or have been wearing say bikinis and sat on a vinyl seat in a sports car that has been absorbing 100 degree heat all day could you send me a voice photo showing your smile or lack of and what you said...keep it brief please. I am working on a novel at the moment "Fifty Shades Of Grey Burning Bush." It's about a middle-aged hottie who is intrigued by fire. She starts singing "come on baby light my fire" in an ancient DVD shop powered by kero. I can't tell you the ending because it would get you too fired up. Several printers want to see the imprint but I'm smarter than that. They'll try to pinch it.
Look I'm sorry for trying to flog myself during this post but women's smiles and or lack, of intrigue me.
Where was I ? Ahhh yes. Leonardo Lean To went to the unemployment burrow-well, they make you feel like a herd of rabbits the way they treat you- and asked for a job. The toothless hag in charge spoke just like they do these days. She said "why do you want a job?" Lean To took a swig from his brothers turpentine bottle and leaned too. "Dear employment lady does thoust stink I want a job perchance? I'm here to make amends for my life and to make my genius brother show me a bit of brush and also because the fool writing this told me a Mr. Michaelangelo needed an assistant to paint a cistern or something or other...can you check your cauldron please. I've watched my brother paint and I've seen the DVD of someone raring to go and all fired up to do something with their life which is what I want to do before I get munch older and have to eat my words.
Toothless Betty punched a few keys on her cauldron...donned kevlar gloves, pulled out the cistern chappie's job which co-incidently was exactly up the leaning Lean To's alley. Look I forgot about the my noodles in the electric oven and they're black and disgusting so you guys owe me a dish of noodles. Incidently, don't pull a red hot dish of burning noodles out with your bare digits. Puts a Mona Lisa smile on your face I can tell you. I may never be able to write again!
I heard that! "thank goodness?" Oh we are shitty little people today."
Okay then. But before I cease (yews haven't heard the last of this). Leonardo Lean To turned up at the chappie's Chapel with a huge roll under his arm and a bottle of adhesive turps under t other. Lean To got the job. Purely on my reference.
"Hates work, would rather sit on a boiling hot vinyl sports car seat in California wearing bikinis." Cars obviously weren't round back then, Vespers only. And one piece swimsuits were the go. Mick was climbing up the ladder he couldn't lay round the ceiling all day waving his brush like a middle aged... They started arguing. Not the middle-aged lady and Mick, though the Middle Ages were prolific with them.
Damn me if Lean To and Mick didn't start arguing over the color scheme. Mick wanted pastels. Lean To wanted bright red with venetians. They agreed on basic pure religious white with biblical verticals.
Lean To started to climb the ladder with the large roll under his arm. An almighty argument ensued. See Lean To was a bit of a Modernist powered by turps. He unrolled the roll of wallpaper, a beautifully painted copy of Mona Lisa's smile.
"Not having wallpaper!" Shouted Mick. "Why not?" shouted back Lean To. You can imagine the echo. "Because!" Shouted Mick, "I want the job to last. Use wallpaper and we're out of here in a week! What are you going to stick it up with anyway you idiot. It will take gallons and gallons of turps to stick that lot up!"
Lean To grinned. "This wallpaper is my brother's genius inventionary mind in overdrive. You soak it quickly the pre-stuck glue reacts with the water and hey presto!" Lean To was sacked. That's why the History books have little or no record of this argument. For the odd doubting Thomas. The pedantics will probably seize on the one flaw in this blog.
Okay, I'll admit...the expression "HEY PRESTO" does not align with that period in History. And the toothless hag tending the unemployment cauldron had false teeth. And Mona's DVD wasn't overdue even though it had been burned as a copy right?. Which I thought may have put a smile on her face? Go figure. And what idiot would use wallpaper or even attempt to? We all know the damn stuff comes off sooner or later and when it doesn't and you DO want it off it sticks like glue like and even if you steam it you end up pulling the face of the wallboard off, which honestly wants to make you start drinking turps...or does?
Guess I'll eat my black noodles now...see what you've made me do!