Tuesday, September 18, 2018

He had experienced everything...or did he? RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, April 18, 2014

Fella lived life to the full. Demanded an audience with God. Usually got what he wanted.


2014. A great year it was rumored. He was ninety. Filthy rich- literally.The richest man in the world. A younger Rock Fella had his minders roll him round in a 17th century cesspit dungeon complete with attached castle he purchased just to feel the ambience of filth. The bones of Black Pete the 17th tax consultant in the dungeon office from the 17th century, who died when he was 17 from 17 blows from Cess, an irate overtaxed knight carter sick of carting dead knights down to the dungeon in full armor, 17 exactly, some after succumbing to amore...lay bone nified. You see Black Pete was a boneifide cess tax consultant from the white side of castledom. White to begin with, but black n' blue after Cess lost his temper.

I mean deceased knights in real tin suits un-ironed are heavy. Their bow ties weighed 20 pound. Rock after rolling round the pit felt the ambience. Felt the pain of 17 blows from the spirit of Cess. He rock n'rolled up the castle steps. Rock had done just about everything a globe- trotting gad- about could experience.

One of the most daring things Rock did was go over Niagra Falls in an O'bama care barrel held together with 850,000 signatures! Silly fella. He had full private but wanted to feel the ambience of being speared with 850,000 blunt signatures.

He near died on the operating table. Not from the signatures, you see it was a long weekend and Nigella...sorry wrong cook, Niagra Falls, the surgeon, (coincidence?) fell over. So did Nigella but that's another casserole. Niagra the surgeon fell upwards and saved Rock in the nick of time. Rock recovered, had a chocolate dessert with the lovely Nigella just to feel the ambiance of a good sort...of chocolate.

Rock jumped off the tallest mountain in America...America's debt. Saved only at the bottom of the financial cliff by an enormous feather bed of "I owe you but owing to the fact I ain't got it you ain't gonna get it but keep jumping off of anyway because feather more the ambience you just felt during 'free fall' certainly gets one's blood pumping, just remain Rock between a rock and a hard face which you ain't as you're rich and so you don't need propping up financially but if you like we can give you a feather bed of I.O.U.'s. Problem being that bed removed would lead to a cracked economy if it fell off the fiscal cliff resulting in a hard about face economy! Sorry Rock... Fella."

Rock flew to deepest Africa. To experience an out- of- body spiritual ambience from contact with a genuine bogey man. Rock paid his $100,000 entry fee. Sat in the dark waiting. The bogey man jumped out of a tall oak tree,missed Rock, hit a rock. Rock was rich but he wasn't going to run away in fright from a bogus non-frightening experience. The bogey man strapped his cracked scone up,"white man wait here I be back Bwana sucker."

The bogey man crept up behind Rock and screamed, "BOO! ROCK!" Rock didn't get a shock,felt nothing of consequence. "Wait here Bwana I'll give you the fright of your life my rich sucker friend." The bogey man fetched his 180-year-old mother who had just come back from the hairdresser after a full fresh hot- to- trot shrunken head lift makeover-no makeup and a tattoo with the words emblazoned on her four breasts,"this is what Obama care does to you!" Frightened the absolute crap out of both men. Took the ageing old Fella a month of Mondays to regain his equilibrium. And $20 back as he refused a jungle 'smoothie' drink of a virgin cross-eyed Mad mud crab blended with the dried tongue of the poisonous Beetle bum. Which the Beetle's tongue reputedly tasted like if you got past the Mad mud crab's crabs...according to the 180-year-old former 'Ms Africa Pinhead' entrant five times running. Which the five 'entrant' judges did.

On his 91st birthday Rock was bored. He smoked a 100-year-old peace pipe full of pieces of peace from the tip of no-man's-gland Australia, but found no peace. "Show me God!" demanded the rich impatient fella. "I've done everything a rich man can do!"

His main minder,crestfallen, left abruptly. He returned a short time later with a limping little girl. "The old guy yelled at the child. "You're not God!"

"I want to feel the ambience of God!" The frail little girl held out her small discolored thin hand. "I'm dying, do you want to feel death?" "What is wrong with you child...I don't fear death."

"The child looked at the frustrated old man..."I do".

No-one turned up at Rock Fella's funeral when he died. It was his express instruction. The burly guard was instructed to see to that.

Even on his death- bed the only visitors allowed were his main minder with his happy little well girl. "She leaned forward held out her hand and spoke softly to the dying man "Mr Fella thank you for saving me, do you see God and feel his ambience?" she squeezed his hand.

Rock Fella grinned faintly,"Yes, I surely do child, I feel his ambience... I see him in you..."
Her father waited in the car. The little girl spoke to the guard at the grave. He looked around. "Be quick child." She placed flowers quickly at the base of the plain headstone- which had been expressly forbidden also. "Goodbye Mr. Ambience." She hugged the guard walked quickly away, rubbing frantically at her face.

The guard sighed,waited until she was out of sight. Picked up the flowers,looked around, put them back again. "Ahh the hell with it the old Fella would like their ambience."

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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