CLASS AND DRAB. RIGINAL.
She rested her arm lightly on his. Fire coursed up his arm at the contact. The onslaught of her expensive perfume made his senses gag. He should have moved away. Couldn't. Rather- could- but didn't want to. He was conscious of the incredulous stares in the small crowded bar. Several laughed at the ridiculous differential. Class meets crass. Others had tried and failed to engage her in conversation, good looking men. "What the hell is wrong with her?" reflected in the surprised stares. He was short, thin, nondescript, balding, glasses, myopic.Typical type most women wouldn't ask for a light. Wouldn't ask a drab guy like him lightly in the matter- of- fact direct way hooker's do without batting an eyelid, "do you want a fuck?"
He was waiting for this "dywaf " plus the "rates" but he sensed she was class. Admonished himself for the thought. Wondered if he was talking to a heavily disguised guy but if she was not a her she was a beautiful him and if he was what on earth could she see in him?
"Do you mind if I talk with you and make out I'm your friend some guys have been annoying me...?" She smiled,brushed a long -nailed hand through her short blonde hair. Rested on one elbow which compressed her breasts forward but not in a slutty way. "As long as you don't try to take advantage of me and or make a habit of it madam. I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to annoy you by the way, or NOT saunter by YOUR way."
She laughed softly, winked, motioned to the amused barman,took her arm off drab. The glaring staring men shrugged and looked away. The usual from one of the drinkers who had tried to chat her up. He talked into his half empty glass so that the words would resound. "Must be a lesbian." His well- dressed colleague nudged him,spilling his drink, he cursed. "You're just jealous, and even if she was you'd be jealous you're not one and she'd probably reject you anyway because you're a loser with a fat ass and an unsatisfied missus so go home E.T " His friend grimaced. Nodded in resignation. "You owe me a drink my smart ass friend."
"What do you do?" The drab man picked up the drink she had bought him. "What would you like me to do?" She pursed her lips, clucked her tongue on perfect teeth. Flicked a speck of imaginary off his brown jacket. Rested her hand on his. He started to relax. Felt the fire through her soft fingertips. She liked him. He liked the fire. "You're deep, thoughtful, intelligent. You don't like to hurt people. And you're shy." He scratched his chin with his free 'unfired' hand.
"I could be God for Heavens sake, my mother used to say "for God's sake go to hell" when I was little...just before she dressed me tonight put my thick hi-rise socks on. Locked my chasity belt on my wrist. She thinks it is an old fashioned watchband when I told her what it was for she said "son! who the hell for goodness sake would want to wind you up and have sex with your wrist?"
Class slapped him. "You're a fool...but a nice fool...you're different."
A short fat man walked up in a short fat suit because that was the only suit short fat men can get into. Or out of. "Hi gorgeous." Drab rose. He wanted to stay. "Hi Jimmy"...the fat man punched him on the arm, turned to Class. "This little guy I'll return to you shortly Miss Universe,don't go away. "This guy is a fool..." Class interjected. "A nice fool..." Drab smiled apologetically. "Please wait." she grinned. "Hurry back." The spotlight picked its target. The patrons hushed. "Thank you for dis quiet I met a beautiful woman tonight...she read my palm,shook it, and told me a coconut would change my life. Nothing happened. She shook my palm again. A monkey holding a coconut fell out of it, landed on my back I ended up in intensive care. They operated. When I came to the surgeon handed me the coconut and said,"I'm sorry,the coconut, like an audience, is a hard nut to crack...but you can now return to 'stand up'...at least we got the monkey off your back...!"
Woody sat in the bar. They were alone. The fat man had paid him. "Woody I did know what you do, I'm an executive director in film. Comedy. I was wondering if you'd be interested in..."
She sat huddled next to the little guy in the cab. He talked, she laughed. She was all class.
NOTE: May not have been the way Woody Allen started out but I'm not a palm reader and despite his private life I think he's a funny funny guy but that's only my opinion...but it's mine. I wasn't there as some of the older Gen may have been to see him perform but wish I had of been. Cheers.