Saturday, September 22, 2018

Edible Houses.RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, April 08, 2014

Vegetable houses are a great alternative if you've got the wind up over where you live.


Before I parade my latest idea,I was in a clothing shop. I saw this woman serving at the counter trying to eat a pair of bras. Well, it appeared that way. She was in fact severing the little plastic I.D. T- tag with her teeth. The one that is usually nowhere within cooee of the size it states on the label..."dispose of thoughtfully, this tag could choke someone silly enough to eat it." Something like that, it warns.

Thank the bra God she wasn't that hungry, women are smart and they know that if you're silly enough to just yank without thinking a little hole appears in the garment courtesy of the T, which I believe is reinforced with kevlar.

I bought a T-shirt, the tag read, "only to be worn by a desirable body." I ignored this blatant aside aimed at me and bought it anyway.

Took it home...did exactly what Ms Bra did. Only the tag jammed and the T for some reason pulled through and left a resultant hole. I'm a very honest person so no way was i going to return something as a result of my missbite. So I gave the receipt to the next door neighbour to return it. I know what you're thinking...I'm a crook and by doing what I did could bring the flammable Chinese "ONE SIZE FITS ALL EXCEPT ME" T empire to a grinding rickshaw delivery (to all nations within two mile free delivery!) to a grinding halt.

The reason I didn't return the T was because when I tell a fib I smile and the T-tag stuck in between my front teeth would have been a dead give away. You see as I said, women are smart and their seven sense can detect a liar 20 bras away.

Let's roll out my idea. Houses these days are built using pine frames a fair bit, not like the hardwood framed houses of old. Thin skeletal structures cyclone valley in particular loves to munch on. WHY not build EDIBLE houses? Obviously I have put a lot of thought into this. The foundation would be solid chocolate. Walls? celery, with a cladding of mashed potato or three week old baked beans held together with high tension parsley. Are you still there? Good.

Windows see-thru toffee like the movies use, the roof would be laminated cheese, frozen of course. Fixed with shallots and and bean stalks in case Jack drops in for a giant holiday with his GG string (Golden Goose layover/sleepover) nest.

If you're unwilling or can't afford a chocolate foundation because it makes your heart melt, a turnip stumped house with lettuce leaf ant caps would suffice.

Okay...roughage all set. You,your missus and kids for example live happily in cyclone territory. I'm not being a doomsday body, but you're all minding everyone in the family's business and having a friendly argument over who ate the major chocolate part of the foundation that has caused a lean- to stance when a strong wind occurs. The dog is reprimanded as he ate the front steak door. But the howling of the dog coincides with the howling cyclone threatening to lift the cheese roof off. The house is destroyed, chocolate everywhere. Lettuce ant caps three mile away mixed up with turnip studs.BUT! NO -ONE is injured because for a start people cannot be hurt by vegetables.

The storm is over. People get hungry, so they eat their houses pull a mashed potato blanket over themselves until the greengrocer or Wallmart insurance rep can deliver another edible house . All is OK. I'm working on an add-on idea. Edible fairy floss cars with gelatine tyres. The storm drops one in your backyard. You eat it. In conclusion if anyone can see any foreseeable problems with my ideas have a good think about it and let me know. Must fly, the police came round, took photos of the T between my teeth, arrested the neighbour for aiding and abetting one holy man T-shirt with the man-made hole. Ms Bras sales lady's cup runneth over. She loves going to court and dobbing in liars! She's after a promotion to 'men's ties,' you see she wants to tie the knot. Have a great next weekend and please don't employ shoddy builders to build your edible home. Check out if they have vege plans with local council approval. Don't trust anyone with a holey T-shirt. They're liars.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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