Friday, July 20, 2018

Bedlam on our highways. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, April 01, 2014

You don't have to make your bed and lie in it. Drive it round the bend but don't park it dow town, unless the lights are all bright...when you're alone and the wool is around you...dow town...


I was in bed thinking. It's the best place to think and not be distracted, and the SAFEST. I mean how many bed 'head on' side-swiped rear-end collisions occur on our freeways? You never ever turn the news on to be confronted by a slumber sombre- voiced news reader in pyjamas with the 'appropriate grief stick- on- look' "Hello, i'm Roger briefs, A WARNING you may want to go to bed and watch this May hem. Obviously if May is finishing off a hem or repairing a hole in hubby's sex...sorry, may want to look away as the scenes are graphic knit...(clears throat) "a hem," No-one ever does look away. "Heavy fog caused a major 69 bed pile-up today in dow town New York New York. A dow bed driven by Ipark anywhere my dow bed chooses to rest...Smith, stopped to do a bit of pillow talk with his fiancee, Ms Haven't the Foggiest "hop into bed until this fog clears on this major off ramp or until we hear a toot behind which indicates we are blocking the ramp." That innocent behind. Waiting for a toot signifying Horace Hornblower's ABS (A BED STOP) bed brakes weren't applied in time to stop his Queen- sized vehicle which slewed sideways hit May hem- who had her husband hemmed in on the side-walk- was an accident waiting to happen.

The assumption that people slow down when confronted with fog in their beds is a fallacy. Most don't even bother to turn their wind sheet wipers on, preferring to stick their heads in their pillowcases hoping other beds will see their fag...sorry...fog lights.

As a result of the Dow turn around full stop Horace had nowhere to go after bouncing off May but to put on the 'all ords' bed handbrake which is about as useless as making the bed after the horn has bolted. 69 beds lie strewn from the on ramp to the not often on fog warning lights illuminating the bullet riddled warning sign "if you have had more than five speeding beds tonight your bed and contents will be fingerprinted and your mattress clamped.

We will now cross live to one of the less torn bed drivers, "Ms Sharpknickers, when did you realize the bed in front of you had stopped for the fog- waiting for a lift?"

SN:" When i was right on top of Smith's tail bites i saw the quilt lift and a bushy- haired freak type with a cigar yelled out "Ipark Smith and Haven't the foggiest fitted sheets here.May hem across the road. Are you a horn blower with insurance?"

Newsreader: "You ran up his ass and then what happened?"

SN:"I blacked out,when i came to the rescue crew was cutting my mattress up...!"

NEWSREADER:"You were trapped in the wreckage of your bed?

SN : "No, rescue crew wanted smaller beds for their kid's sleepovers."

NEWSREADER:" In your words could you sew up this bedlam?"

SN: "What's to sew up? They'd only cut it up again...every damn thing for the sleepover kids."

NEWSREADER:"Viewers this has been a dark day for the mobile bed industry. People going about their business driving dow town looking for jobs that are non-existent. Spending their last dollars filling their mattress tanks with 'fuel goose feathers' in an attempt to get out of bed before inner spring is sprung and the fog of winter damps in...the ever present damned fog. Causes some people to put their heads under their pillows and shout out in their water beds in muffled indignation... "WE ARE NOT GOING TO FAKE IT ANY MORE!" Viewers the awful fact is no driver was seriously injured in this pile-up which says volumes for the genius that came up with the slogan. "More beds on our roads...adopt a mattress and help stamp out cars because the price of gas, it quite frankly gives me the sheets...king size! As the Irishman said..."doona drive a bed when intoxicated, go to bed and sleep with the goblins until yon fog lifts the Bard and shakes y tail feathers. To Bard or not to Bard...THAT! is the bed question." Sleep tight. Make sure your handbrake's on and you're in gear.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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4 comments on Bedlam on our highways. RIGINAL.

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By Barbara MacDonald on April 04, 2014 at 05:53 pm

LOL... the thought of that is a nightmare...and I have enough trouble shutting my silly mind down to get to sleep...I lay in bed and write poetry...sometimes I get up to make sure I save it...melatonin is my friend...a herb that helps a lot...

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By riginal on April 04, 2014 at 08:36 pm


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By Uttam Gill on April 04, 2014 at 08:57 pm

Well said Reginal…very hilarious Bed that lives...bed that awakens to great chaos...Bed that makes us sleep...bed that takes us to hallelujah trail...bed that squeaks and gallops with us...bed that embrace us with all generosity and yes Reginal on this bed we create a runway for our flights of thoughts to take off...and land times a smooth times jerky one and if it is bumpy bed makes it more exciting...Each flight...each ride on bed is worth taking...even in the bedlam of my thoughts..I certainly wish to go for lucid exploration...Bed sedates me and I wish to disarm for the bed to seduce me...No worry…It is the only turbulent zone where I don't wish to fasten my belt...unfasten, the best I am on bed…Tread as recklessly as one can on the bed…

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By riginal on April 05, 2014 at 04:27 am

lol buddy,yep, you've just about filleted the bed fish tales Uttam you have to feel lucky just to have one and if the leaders stopped getting into bed with money waste a lot more people would have one.For example one of our states had an election, i think a few postal votes and such went missing so the government spent 20 million on a re-vote. Think was the same result? How many people could be housed with that? Remember how your mum took about umpteendozen blankets and 15 minutes to tuck everything in,now you just throw a doona over. Keep writing it is food for the soul and a literary shelter for your heart. Cheers...stay well my friend.

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