Friday, December 14, 2018

'Passing over' RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, March 28, 2014

If you can contact Mavis or Betty the contact should be electric...i gas...ummm guess?


I worked on this confounded reno today with a blunt chisel. You can miss with it and it would do 'no harm.' Must be a Doctor's chisel...sworn to do no harm. "Stuff it!" said i to myself. Went down, bought a couple of razor sharp chisels.

The old blunt chisel, rusting,indignant,neglected, lay nearby with a smirk on its corroded blade, as if to say "you'll be bloody sorry." I slipped with the new and nearly off with the old...finger. Exaggerating, it was just a reasonably deep cut,nothing a transfusion couldn't stem and bulk up with a quart of red. I mean i don't even know my blood type. Surely there's a colour chart somewhere in hospitals to get the right shade? I know it's old blood but i'm from the old school- tough. Had i not been wearing my safety thongs, shorts, no gloves, tools and rubbish strewn everywhere it could have been worse. I wrapped a bandage round the assaulted digit and just carried on...crying...swearing and wishing i had of made do with my blunt DIY old friend who was rolling round laughing...or seemed to be. But you can't go siree!

Actually the abbreviation DIY should be reclassified as GAD IT Y. Go Ahead Do It yobbo. And by GAD IT i did 'do' me and it hurts! Y? Because pain is there to tell you that next time you turn your back bluntly,rudely,and try to chisel off an old friend you'll get more of the same. I mean after all,love or the lack of it hurts, doesn't it? Incidently, the neighbour got bit with a 4" grinder and they put him too far under in the operation to implement a nerve reconnection...when he came to the doctor said he died and they were lucky to get him back. I kid you not! His missus is off work with a broken elbow. Must run in the street. No,not the elbow, just misfortune self-caused.

Now while i'm on death anyone of you guys out there could drop dead at any time so please stop reading immediately and go apologise to your better half for leaving the toilet seat up. I have it on good authority 'lids up' is an automatic disqualification should you be lucky enough to get an interview with our maker. So lid down before ass up. I'm joking, 99.9% of you will outlive your toilet seat. I mean if a toilet lid sat on your face for an extended period of time speaking rudely in spasmodic bursts you'd chuck it in too.

I walked inside with my bloody finger. Stupid statement. If i didn't i would be bleeding dead because i don't know whether you realise it or not but our fingers are there as u- turns for the blood circulating. And on occasion used to wave digitally at people who cut you off on the road. Most ignore it except the 'cage fighter' who cut you off because he's on the way to the 'kill zone' and you may be his 'warm up' to get HIS blood circulating.Practice indeed before he enters the ring in an attempt to relieve his opponent of his.

This however is not what this blog/post/toilet seat down- is about.

Walked into the kitchen (you can't even swing a finger in it it's so small). No room even to put the lid down in the loo. To do that you have to get up on the roof and reach through the hole in the ceiling above, choice of holes. Made myself a tomato sandwich to match my tomato finger. Felt a bit faint, but crawled to the remote to watch some bloody show/shows. I'm a flicker.

These people came on taking calls from people to reunite them with a loved one 'passed over'. Is this practice delusional illusion or is it fair dinkum? There's an English chap at the forefront of this,one of the best. He just hammers on quickly on the 'overall' make-up of Aunty Mavis for example. "She is saying to you Betty, in the audience...if she had realised Betty- you absent minded cooking sherry drinking dill-that you left the gas stove on she wouldn't have lit up a ciggie and therefore i wouldn't have to contact her. Mavis could have dragged your slumped pissed body off to bed then returned and turned the stove off which exploded when she lit up as already explained! "Betty you lush come back here" Mavis wants to kick your pissed ass from the other side and OR both sides of your rump! Mavis says "you'll be next Betty so wake up to yourself before you join me. Knit turnips Betty, find a gassed up something with your life Betty!"

I know i have gone overboard with the analogy but my main thrust and subsequent question is:"are there any REAL contacts made? Or is it just a matter of 'gas' and a con like the gypsy who came to my house and wanted to bless my sharp chisel which i believe was an ulterior motive because i saw her using it to cut around my wallet. Must go, i think i smell gas. If anyone has had conversations with the other side please tell Mavis Betty went to rehab, unfortunately she left the gas on in the rehab kitchen after she made everybody a turnip coffee to spill on her turnip jumpers. They were a close turnip knit lot. Blew everyone in the rehab to the promised turnip land before they had a chance to be rehabed. Maybe i'm a bit sceptical but all the shows filmed here in Australia were pooh pooed failures in the main. Maybe they should have put the lid down. If you are a genuine seance electric type person and can contact Betty and Mavis would you pass on that had they had an electric stove they wouldn't have been blasted blown up. Then again, some people can contact sharp chisels after they've 'passed over' ...their finger. It's like caged fighting...a blood sport...Do it to yourself?

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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