The sobbing children, wailing relatives of the deceased Arthur, walked slowly past the hastily prepared recently assaulted body. A greasy chip still stuck in Arthur's mouth. Stale left -over bacon residue on his face.
The mood was angry. Sombre mutterings. Curses under breath. "We'll get the mongrel who did this! The one who forced the boot down on Arthur's head...we'll get him!"
"Brethren i repeat,Arthur will be avenged." The enraged speaker stood up. "We are here today to pay our respective respects in respect or should i say,in absolute anger, at Arthur's needless death... A great provider was Arth... For those who weren't there a reliable witness told me how Arth was a victim of a hit and run standstill boot assault on the father of 10 as he was picking up 'take-away' 'eat here' leftovers from a stinking diner not far from here. Just a bacon's throw and a greasy chip minus gravy, stones throw away. Pity A didn't stone it because if he did we wouldn't be standing here wondering WHY he didn't do that? But what is dumb is done and as every smart arse know-it-all will spout between dribbling..."you can't go back,no siree you can't go back" Oh shut up you pedantic interjecting troll of obvious. A was a victim a of a workplace accident. Killed outside the diner by a uncaring stinking excuse for a human being with about as much regard for the sanctity of life's takeaway as the chap that got trapped and drowned whilst trying to swim out from underneath a Watergate.
However i'm not here to spout American waterlogged deep "see what happens when you lie submerged or conversely submerge the truth in porkies. However as one recent pedantic person said "you can't go back...indeedy no siree you..." Oh silence of the verbal lamb on the lam- shut up!
"Fellow cockroaches i intend to ring the local health and safety rep and dob in that human infested crappy little diner. I personally would not feed their 'drop on floor leftovers' to a dead cockroach. WHOOPS!...sorry Arthur. You see Arthur was booted down with a pair of oversize Doc Martins and squashed underfoot in the prime of his life. Arthur has missed out on the human's blowing themselves off the planet leaving us to inherit the world. Yes Arthur has washed his hands of the future because he stopped to pick up scraps for his kids. Arthur's mother you may remember died a tragic death when she was dining on a pizza at a top restaurant on top of the pizza when a short-sighted woman mistook her for a black mobile olive and ate her. She threw up...so did the woman. Arthur's brother tried to swim across a week- old curry which gave him the shits. Arthur's Grandfather fell into a margarine container whilst trying to set a new margarine skating record. A Torvil and Cream he wasn't.
In conclusion dear cockroaches Arthur's feelerings have been badly hurt and no amount of filthy compensation bacon can replace the fact that Arthur is flat with a chip in his mouth and if he were to be alive today- possibly a chip on his shoulder?
I know i know...I KNOW! YOU CAN'T GO BACK! We cockroaches certainly won't be until that diner cleans its act up. No-one minds a bit of filth but one has to draw the line between week old curry and margarine skating rinks. Rest in peace Arthur, we will never forget your humanity and your humble everyday infectious spirit. Which reminds me on a lighter note, Arthur's sister got pissed in a bottle of infected spirit. The spirit got the infection from my sister so don't drink because you could end up getting the boot when you're laced. There's a one-liner there somewhere but i don't feel like laughing with Arthur having just past a whey. Did i tell you fellow cockroaches how Arthur found his whey? It was fermenting in the bottom of a manger! "a whey in a manger?" I KNOW...we can't go back! Even if we could Arthur hasn't the backbone to go back or forward. Rest in pieces Arthur. You're an inspiration to us all...at least those of us who have feelerings for our fellow man...or roach.