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Sunday, October 22, 2017

Are 'cut price' bargains really bargains? RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, March 26, 2014

Are 'SALES' a con job and smart manipulation by 'death' ad ders ready to get their fangs into your plastic?

50% BULLDUST? RIGINAL.

Don't know if you people around the globe go to many sales but in Australia they are promoted spiel wise like a politician's pre-election promise. "Vote us in and we'll knock 50% off your body's medical bills!" That means the other 50% of your body will get seen to next election? "Vote us in and we'll get 50% of you people out of work a job.The other 50% of you voters will ignore our bulldust and so therefore half of you don't deserve a job because why should we spend 100% of tax payer's money on the ad gurus promoting our outrageous offer if you're not prepared to believe us when we say we'll halve unemployment? No, we won't cut prospective employees in half. That's a ridiculous notion. Bout as ridiculous as one of our Prime Ministers who loved a tipple and stated pre-election "no child in Australia will go hungry!" (while i've got a beer in my hand!) Nice sentiments. But you can't ingest bulldust unless you're a dung beetle with a 50% chance of choking on it.

Which brings me back to the 50% and more off goods etc at 'bargain basement' sale time prices,particularly at furniture stores. Do they really deduct or was the price stumped down because it was inordinately 'overpriced' in the first place? Maybe i'm 50% paranoid? Maybe even 99.9% percent paranoid. Like those flyspray insect killer ads. The spray kills 50% of the household breathing in the vapour? Incidently, do those high- frequency 'plug in get rid of mice, insects, creepy crawly vermin husbands,lying pollies etc... 100%...actually WORK? How the hell can they tell? What if the vermin husband or uni-educated hi-tech mice wear earmuffs to null the sonic waves?

I once got a pest of a bloke round to rid my house of pesky ants. They seemed to disappear. Then the neighbour's ants noticing that my ants were gone decided to ambush MY house as they had eaten all the ant-rid bait next door and needed a holiday,breaking new ground...at least new burial ground, for the 50% that expired. You see the 50% more intelligent ants told their dumb little mates that if they swigged on the sweet liquid there was a 50% chance they'd get a guts ache and therefore have a 100% chance of dying before even becoming eligible for an ant pension. Besides, what dumb ant didn't read the label on the ant-rid bottle which clearly states...ANT-RID! Maybe they needed 'ridding glasses' before wiping their feet on the fine print prior to hoeing in like a bunch of hooligans at a free beerfest. Also, the head ant should have checked out the fact that it wasn't co-incidental that a foreign object just doesn't appear out of the blue...exactly in line with their pathway. The leader should have called a meeting and said "look guys, that bottle wasn't there yesterday so go round it until i get a chemist's report to see if it's toxic."

Well, must go. There's a 50% off offer on men's underwear. At least half my bum will be covered. Perhaps i'm too cynical.

Maybe those sonic plug-ins do work? But if they do where on hell do the rodents and those vermin husbands go to, girls?

Here's an excuse guys, when your 70% better half finds you down the street resting under another woman's bed. Just tell her you couldn't stand the sonic waves from her plug-in. And you went down to get your ear-muffs from under her bed! Let me know how you fare? Just check that there's no anti-husband ant-rid in your cup of tea. There's a 50% chance there isn't but maybe i'm a bit paranoid about those "too good to be true" offers. Because if something is 'too sonic' for you to blow through, then usually you're best to watch tele...in your own home, and put up with the ringing in your ears. Up to you and your continued good health.



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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