Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Do not despair even if things get ratty. riginal.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, March 25, 2014

A down on his luck Private detective's fortune abruptly rises when a beauty enters his 'office.'

L Abrupt...PRIVATE DICK. riginal.

Name's Abrupt. Short for Abruptly. Short transposition. Call me Lee Abrupt, i'm taller than my secretary sister, short Lee.

Shortly my fly buzzed. The intercom had been cut off...enter free rent-a-fly...the fly you rent when intercourse verbal with your intercom has been sheared by the office 'removalists.'

Short Lee picked up the fly...the message was brief, a strangled buzz. It was the fly. "Stop squeezing me!"

I sat staring out the window. Short Lee pulled her mini-skirt down over her knees in an anti-freeze attempt to keep warm.That's all i had left. A Moaner- Liza fly with a grim look in its voice\, a window, and my short cold sister.The mangy drab dark dank rat invested dungeon was not an office. It was an offence. The rats eating my desk which shifted intermittently because of the wind gusto and rat head butting- stared out the window then at me- as if to say "no offence but where's the office?

It started to rain. I lit my last ciggie. The rats thanked me profusely as i passed the smoke around. The leader of the rat pack, King Rat, started coughing, before i could stop her short Lee opened the window to let some air in.

The window self destructed, leapt out of its frame, headed for the pavement below. I hadn't a case in the last 3 months. Of all the rotten luck i had to pick this city which reeked of innocence. I put the collar up on my trench coat, wrapped it round my sister. Was this the end of my sleuthful vocation as a sleuth? Once able to support a sister with rat cunning. Now not able to even support a small group of smoking cunning rats? Would i be able to fly in the face of adversity...or indeed be able to face the fly?

The fly buzzed. I picked up. Heavy rasping breathing. The fly had caught a cold. Suddenly, the smell of an extravagant female. Couldn't have been my sister as she smelt damp and the rats had joined her in the trench of my trench coat.

Ms desire knocked. I said in my sexiest damp smouldering shared ciggie voice "no need to knock my dear there's no door or for that matter office...can i help you? Please knock yourself out!" She was beautiful...indeed a knockout. The most beautiful woman i have ever set my damp eyes on. She staggered slightly, walked like a gust of fresh air towards me in a white silk suit that looked like it had been sprayed on. Her jutting barely restrained flesh made me want to be her love slave, to fill her demanding demands whatever they might be.

As if in respect the rain stopped,the sun blinked in astonishment and wreathed her body in aura. She gasped, sat down on the chair i proffered , grabbed my arm for support. She gasped again,her eyes pleading. "I haven't long to live. You are a private dick aren't of the best at tracking down people, stupid people?"

I pulled out my pencil and pad. "Okay shoot! Name? " "My name is Gwen, please hurry as i haven't long." My short sister steadied Gwen. "What is your occupation Gwen" i said with a concerned look. "I'm a health and safety officer i must be abrupt." I was getting rather confused because i thought i was Abrupt?

"And who or whom do you want me to find beautiful lady?" Gwen rose, turned her back to me,exposing the shard of glass embedded in her neck. She hissed and coughed " i want you to find the stupid bugger who threw the window off this building!" She collapsed in my arms.

I rushed Gwen to the dispensary on the floor below. That beautiful lady survived. I married her. Why? Because Gwen was a glass above any other woman i had ever met. Gwen forgave my short sister and shortly after our first child was born my beautiful wife named the child after her. Little Abrupt Idiot.

Sorry to end the story so abruptly...but i'm a bit short on time! You see i'm a health and safety assistant now and combined with my Private Dick knowledge i'm currently looking for a group of smoking rats and a fly by with a rasping cough. They spread disease you know.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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