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Sunday, November 19, 2017

You are what you bleat? RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, March 21, 2014

Breaking bad lifestyles...food for taut?

GIVE ME A BREAK! RIGINAL.

Jeeze! Give me a break! For God's sake at least break me a give in the never-ending story of "don't eat this don't eat that...this'll make you THIN...this and that crap'll make you fat! Close the windows and doors but don't jamb the dog or the cat cause that'll KILL EM' flat! " Specially the cat fur their softer.

Don't eat meat maybe as a treat but just remember not too much as it might affect your sitting member? Don't take sugar for it's far to sweet don't drink anything best to lick your feet. Don't eat burgers only if you must, you'll get so bloody gigantic have to swing you in a truss...down to the doc who'll wack you on a diet, "eat vegies silly fella MY pill you gonna buy it?"

Eat lean meat folks but if you find the meat's too straight, YOU can lean instead, gosh you'll live to 98! There's four main foods you should really really eat they're super super foods folks you'll grow some extra feet! Yes! there's a punnet thrill up on Blueberry Hill, you may want to sing the song while you're sucking on some blueberries and have some time to krill along?

Now there's a new scandal folks about free range eggs they're NOT bloody free and what sticks in your bloody craw is that the fowls sit in a Cage an' i'm NOT talkin' Nicholas...a film star layin' eggs? Now that's just damn ridiculous! You see the chooks go out to lay then put back pen to talk, their union leader's stuffed...he's the one that SQUAWKED!

There's a 'wonder drink' of slimming liquid derived from Mexico Chuck Berry if you drink more than recommended the extra feet your SUPER grew before... will start to gettin' hairy. As well as that you'll notice your belly get Slim Pickins, you can throw away your fat ass girls...sway shapely down the street...don't worry bout your fat ass husband he's snoring...fast a bleep!

Ahhh! Now here's a special offer you've gotta grab one NOW! It's a high high revving blender singe ya Ninja it'll juice a bloody cow. Now just you step this way folks and chuck left overs in the Ninja. Better still! Put Ninja straight in RUBBISH bin. Tne Ninjajaja won't singe ya but it'll give your libido bit of a shake...you shouldn't have stuck your bum in bin folks just to see just what it make. The Singe ya Ninja will turn ice blocks into snow just you blend enough my friends snow skiing you can go!

Ahhh! How's your heart a tickin' folks there's somethin' gotta sell ya...when ya bout to have a heart attack...my 'special' dog can smell n' bark n' tell ya. When the pain begins he senses it he knows a heartaches near. All i gotta train Fido to do and i've got to make it clear. "FIDO! When you smell and bark prior to a pain you have to realize my four legged friend -not puttin' on you shame. But get it through your dilly head that when you smell and bark- no! it's not YOUR heart you're checking...bout yours- humans couldn't give a f.....k! I'm also teachin' Fido to do a bit of compression to start the 'Achey Breaky Heart' but i gotta get him some scootin' boots,guitar...n' then he'll start. At the moment he sits on patient's faces not quite sure just where to lick...one old girl when she keeled over...bit her on the lip.

Ahhh! Now here's a way to bring back memory you have lost...but what the bloody hell for and at what an obscene cost? Yes i may have A and D and a bit of a wonky heart but give me a break please! C i'm scared shitless...afraid to bloody fart! Organic is it any better is butter oh so bad? Wonder if Heaven is sugar free? It is!...jeeze i'm bloody glad!

A recent survey of deceased fat mice conducted by scientific rats showed overwhelmingly that they should have kept their traps shut instead of sticking their heads in one!

Skinny mice lived twice as long as the fat mice in another study (the study they studied in only had skim milk latte)...but the skinny mice ended up with twice the bills.

A leading female pussy researcher Dr. Scratchit, said that as a result of eating fat dead mice as opposed to thin dead mice she felt like pussy galore...in other words the thin dead mice didn't come up to scratch...mainly because of the weight of the extra bills on their skinny asses.

Scientists believe that one day they'll be able to develop a pill which will turn fat people into fat mice.

Mouse garment studies (MGS) concluded that skinny mice genes will not fit fat ass mice. Although some of the tele wankers flogging 'shapeform' garments that turn fat into svelte sleek tight fat would have us believe that if a fat mouse was to wear one of their 'buy one and get one free' form shapers they could struggle into a skinny mouse's jeans. If you've got a fat arse so what? I mean every time Congress sits don't they do so to "chew the fat?" After all when's the last time a woman said to a prospective date,"come over to my place and we'll chew the skinny!" I rest my fat...

Sure it's great to be well and healthy and full of bullshit but aren't Australians and Americans past that? Or are we?

Have a great weekend and don't get too Blueberries Hill. Isn't that where you found your thrill? Not too much wind in the willows please...and don't take any notice of what i say because most of it is the truth and we wouldn't want that interfering with our food now would we? You are what you eat. I ate a boiled tennis ball last night. You should have heard the racket when it was served up to my digestive system? "Just like a... rubber ball i'll come bouncing back...



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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1 comments on You are what you bleat? RIGINAL.

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By Aida88 on May 22, 2014 at 03:55 am

Is really funny and try pozycjonowanie stron

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