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Monday, October 23, 2017

The Net is natty if you ignore the tatty. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, March 05, 2014

You can flog a dead horse on the keyboard...as long as it doesn't get stuck between the keys.

WHAT? RIGINAL.

Can't believe the 'flogging' that goes on in the e-bay world, and the internet 'Doctor Dolittles' (verbally doing a lot) trying to reap a return on their particular spiel...ie: "there's a one million- year- old cabbage at the bottom of the ocean which has the potential to cure cauliflower ears, sharpen your memory to the degree that if you happen to misplace it, it will pon sitting on a stone /stoned? mermaid, (optional) will spear you in the ass...thus enabling you to scale down your anxiety and remember where you left it...up to a point...hers! We'll prick your conscience and new- bound memory within 30 days. With our exclusive option to withhold the vial of ground-up cabbage leaf plus if we don't receive full payment for this miracle cure in 7 days your memory bank like your credit card will be light on as soon as we can wrest it from you. Meanwhile rest assured and get some rest. Another site for 'sore oversize thighs'. "Lose 100 kilos in one hour with this simple remedy, take the batteries out of your scales and or bend the tacho/taco needle.Speaking of scales...we have the sole rights to grow million- year- old cabbages in three weeks PLUS you'll receive a totally free stone-faced mermaid that squeaks when you twist her tail or tell one." In other words it's the same site under a slightly different guise. Neither hold water.

TRUE AD. Miracle cures from a doctor who has the ultimate answer to all mankind's woes. Memory loss, dementia etc etc on and on and on resembling a grounded medical verbal drone, dropping salient 'newly discovered' hints previously unknown? Like "eat fresh fruit and vegies, take vitamin D, don't do so much aerobic exercise? Brisk walk for 30 or 40 minutes. That's all you need folks?" Banging on about aluminium when the latest scientific journal reports that the scientific collective jury can't really establish or disapprove links to various diseases from this metal. "Wash your fruit" etc? But doesn't treated water contain a chemical factor?

So this Doctor however well- meaning comes to the pertinent point near the end of his drawn-out video. "Subscribe to my leaflet for a few cents a week and i'll tell you bout a key factor to restore your memory, brain capacity, etc!" One amazing fact he alludes to. "WRITE! It's good for your brain!" Hasn't helped mine that much but maybe the non-removal of my amalgam fillings as touted may be blocking my central cortex valve which regulates my cognitive separation between imaginationary expressionism and the fact that the good doctor (bags the legal drugs crowd) is basically promoting his leaflet spattered with stuff we are already aware of.

And so it drones. Everyone offering freebies with not one dollar to spend? AFTER you sign on the 'clotted' line . And there are quite a few closeted clots including me lurking and riding the vapours of the punctuated promised land which stretches far and wide as far as our tapping digits can see. And our unrealistic acceptance sometimes of stuff for the main part which is stuffed primped and powdered packaged and presented as a "great deal." And indeed some can be.

I mean a lass from downtown India,bless her pushy little patter, was going to halve my electricity bill but i told her i wasn't an electric duck but if i was, paddling round with a half-charged bill would just about drive one quackers. ANYWAY! Got to go...my vial of million-year-old ground up 3 day growth (if you opt for the 'quick harvest under lights option') undersea cabbage was delivered five minutes ago by a stoned mermaid. Actually i was busy spinning her a tale and the dog ate the vial. His memory has improved tremendously! You just put down his plate of food and his heightened sense of memory smell kicks in and he goes straight to it. And he now answers the Indian lass who still rings every night,in five different languages, and blows bubbles out his nose!

Maybe i've been a tad over critical...or have I ? Yep, the net may have spawned a slicker 'snake-oil' salesman/woman but they still wear the same underpinnings of yore. But there's a wealth of knowledge and bargains to be had...there's a one-million- year-old cabbage that comes to mind...but i've forgotten my pin number! Remember one thing folks...damned if i can?




About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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