Sunday, September 23, 2018

When Our Loved Ones In Need Elude Us

Credit: a-childs-prayer-by-atalitha-at-etsy2.jpg
trying to love effectively

Often, we do not know how to really love those closest to us.

Relationships are messy.This article might seem detached but it is my response to a daughter who is going through a crisis . We are in agony because our fierce love seems like a noodle arrow which cannot pierce through to her heart. This is hardly an unique situation.

Often we do not fully grasp what is best for our husbands, children or parents. Often our way of loving misses their hearts completely. Some people crave touch, others need to hear love articulated. Still others think talk is cheap and anyone can hug but only feel love when it is put in action or they receive gifts. Even understanding the four languages of love does not make us much more effective because relationships cannot be explained in neat, tidy boxes. Life is messy. Life is a conundrum.

People have depths and layers to their personalities that will surprise us for as long as we are both alive. This mystery is sometimes a wonder and delight and at others times utterly frustrating. We want to understand, often so we feel in control but control eludes us.

Have you seen the movie, A River Runs Through It? There is a profound message in the father’s last sermon, which describes how we do not know how to really love those closest to us.

"Each one of us here today will, at one time in our lives, look upon a loved one in need and ask the same question: We are willing Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true that we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give, or more often than not, the part we have to give... is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us... But we can still love them... We can love completely—even without complete understanding..."

About the Writer

My husband and I raised 9 children on a hobby farm and discovered fulfilment and joy.The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people. My writing is humourous and heart warming/ thoughtful and thought provoking with a strong current of spirituality running through it.
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5 comments on When Our Loved Ones In Need Elude Us

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By melanie jean juneau on January 27, 2014 at 06:56 pm

S. Vaughan-thank-you

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By riginal on January 28, 2014 at 10:32 pm

Melanie you have my sympathies. I've had to walk away from my daughter and wife, when someone has a mental illness and refuses to acknowledge it it is despair at its lowest as without meds everything gets destroyed. I have bi-polar friends etc etc ALL take medication. We help each other and so each of us should. If i don't take insulin i die,simple. There's no disgrace or labelling in my book but if two parents don't back each other up for the best result then chaos reigns supreme. I wish you well and i'm sure it will resolve itself. Might start up an 'unwringing' your hands business because if truth be known from cradle to grave that's what we parents do...just wring our hands...which is so so frustrating because from a distance you see a clearer picture-sometimes OBVIOUS what should be done but unfortuneatly all you can do is be patient and pray that obvious answers come home to roost on the right shoulders!

You're good people...and besides...didn't you say you had a dungeon to escape to in that cute house? Or am i getting confused with your chook shed? You're gonna be ok...God told me so! How is this for funny? Daughter received help for gambling addiction etc. She saw her counsellor blow $2000 on the slots and recently she died so i guess her 'habit' was cured macabre as it sounds. Didn't cure my couple though! Cheers girl. Life's see-saw of angst though oiled with love still causes unbalance but we all spend this 'unbalanced' ritual with regular monotony...unless of course you're the 'balanced' Brady Bunch. Actually Melanie i am thinking about starting a 'hermits' club whereupon as a group all us hermits can get together for a single purpose? Could we use your chook shed as a meeting place? All the best. Thinking of you.

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By melanie jean juneau on January 28, 2014 at 10:45 pm

thank-you so much, your loving concern shines through. I am sending you a private message

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By Kim on February 03, 2014 at 11:58 am

Hi Melanie, I just read your heartfelt article. My thoughts and support (as much that may be possible without knowing you or being there to tangibly say show support) are with you. It's very difficult at different points to articulate love to others. Sometimes I think you have to give space so to speak, pray, and just keep loving, keep reaching out, and askk for that moment when it will possibly touch the person the most. I think tiing often has a lot to do with the same time, we're afraid of that space...because its quiet and there is sometimes no response or change. We want the best for our loved ones and hate to see them hurting or struggling.... I guess...i know there's no neat and tidy answer as you mention. It can be agonizing for the sender of love to another, support, care, concern, etc. What can we do? Only what we know and be who we are, and keep reaching, giving, when prompted, and intervene sometimes whther its accepted or not if there's danger...but sometimes, as cliche as it sounds, have to step back, and give a little space...unless like I said, its some danger involved and the person needs protection. Didn't mean to be so long, but I hear your heart through your writing...Hang in there. Be good to yourself too. Keep sending the love in the most earnest and heartfelt way. Take care and All the very, very best. Thinking of you!

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By melanie jean juneau on February 03, 2014 at 12:26 pm

Kim your words are PERFECT-thank-you

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