Wednesday, August 15, 2018

All day suckers... true or false? RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, January 07, 2014

Manufacturers of things such as paint, cars, hard boiled sweets, Do these items last as long as they say...or is it a case of suck it and see?


LOOK! i'm not going to beat about your limited time bush with this subject. My dear old dad always used to say, in between telling me that i wouldn't ever amount to much...which certainly spurred me on to a hand clasp with insignificance and a beacon of no hope which i found just past the knoll of "give up hope all who enter the realms of stupidity for people don't aspire to humor." DAD:"They have it thrust at them and occasionally you'll get a little titter but in the main entertainment can be measured in dollars. Yes son the almighty dollar. But rest assured son one day you'll find out what you're really good at and i hope that you will attend uni my boy and scoff at people beneath you but i have a feeling like an unrisen cake of defeatist pastry which you certainly seem to be possessed of you'll never bake much import which in turn is essential as some of those Chinese cakes lack puff. Indeed my boy do something which will give those forced to relate to you something to relish though relish on a non -rising flat flourless past-its-use-by-NO dates Chinese IMPORT would taste a tad unrelishable because NORMAL cake eaters don't slop relish on a cheap featureless stale No date dessert. What i'm trying to impart son although it vexes me to say so, you-in the true meaning of the phrasealogical sense-have done little to inspire!" That was the trouble with my dear old dad he made me believe in myself to such an extent i failed to enjoin the human race because he wanted me to be a shining light ie: make lite of tragedy. Solar one no less. You see my dad was a wonderful man but he had little time for foolish behavior. He was a fair man though strict. Just thought i'd throw that 'interval' bide-for-time piece in as i'm not due to shine until the FULL moon RISES -unlike the out-of season-C cake.

You see as many of you writers may or may not agree, some parents regard words on paper to be abhorrent. "Get a real job and stop wasting time effort and ink refill pertaining to quill (dad was old) them fanny (fancy) laptop jiggers! Will take over the world, no-one will go pick and shovel." Dad was write you know, although a famous picky friend of mine used to shovel his love stories and received much applause. Because until square head Jong u see (related to Jung?) sends or tries to reshape the planet or at least elongate the edges via the explosive eternal threatened triangle we can all relax. Obviously something his relatives can't do without taking a headache powder type relaxant before bed...rock safe house is securely secured. Simply to keep the flys of arresting soldiers from forcing their way through the flywire door-the heavy duty three inch thick one!

I digress. This is my beef today. I paid one whole dollar at my local supermarket for what i thought was a dark green tinted same shape as a dental floss container. Just picked it up,it actually contains a double pencil sharpener. Sure! if i wanted to get my teeth into it and sharpen my love life to suck the blood from a young beautiful female vampire so that in turn we both end up sucks then yes i wouldn't mind. Perhaps a sharp mind over matter tryst. But all i really wanted to do was get rid of embedded cheap Chinese none rising- cake out of my cakehole entrance plus dislodge errant defiant dateless dates.

Okay! i hear you say "get to the point for the God of boredom's sake.You wasted a dollar! " Don't you people of the grandiose U.S.A. be flippant with me i possess something i thought was something else my bushy tailed friends. I could have loaned that one valuable dollar to your President who could have purchased an 'all day' sucker ball shaped lollipop on a plastic stick!

This is where the lolly manufacturers' tell a blatant low down lolly LIE! All day suckers DON'T last all day! You see i could ill afford an supposed 'all day sucker.' I purchased two out of my own pocket money (had to smash the ceramic money pig's slot to get the gob stopper money out which was in fact a pig heirloom left over from the Great Ball of China flat dateless dessert celebration-to further my suspicion of the lollie's brevity of suck. I was RIGHT! The next door neighbor, a great suck at anytime of the season smiled as i set my watch. She started to suck at a medium rate. Nothing happened,she looked at me with a slightly annoyed sucking look! I explained to the blonde bombshell that one has to remove the wrapper before wrapping her cute sucking lips round the lol. Which she did...laughing out loud as she clamped down. Pressed the stopwatch. Why on earth use a stopwatch i need one that doesn't! Another time lie manufacturing mistake.

You've guessed it! One hour later Lucille gasped as her pouting lips were de pouted and sucking a plastic stick marked on the edges clearly in obscured fine print "welcome sucker!" I was so infuriated and disgusted at the knob's premature discordant demise under medium pressure suck i had a terrible thought. It hit me like a flash of trepidation but i forced myself to tell Lucille the truth...the whole truth and nothing but the sucking truth,so help me blog. "Loose young lady"...said i,"I believe that Telly Salavas chappie who sucked what was presented as an all series one off all day sucker was indeed a recipient of multiple suckable sweet sugar knobs! Lucille gasped and nearly choked on her plastic stick i hit her squarely on the back she spat the stick out which being pointed wedged in my forehead. I winced,ignored the pain.

"Lucille not only is the Phantom NOT four hundred years old! The lolly Baggers are to be confused with the Carpet Baggers as furry balls of lol cannot be sucked until de-furred of carpet fur. Lol rule 69 of the ball code enacted just after the cessation of the mixed lol war between We Willie Wanker and the licorice all sorts chocoblock Jelly Jolly Bean tribe of East Coast America! Also stuck a bit sticky in the Bill of rights between the stuck up Boston Tea Party and the illicit licker tradeoff which ended uncorked and tee hee in the bowels of the brig. Lucille grasped her chest and trembled. "Are you trying to tell me Riginal that that sticky underhand factory probably produced hundreds of simile gob stoppers therefore no such thing existed IE: a four- hundred- year- old all day sucker for that Telly tele man?"

Lucille reached into my bag for my remaining 'all hour' previously 'all day' sucker backup . Only this time she didn't suck she gave it a sticky karate chop,smashing it to smithereens."Lucille..." i sang out with desperation..."you don't do your daddy's will! You destroyed the evidence we haven't a ball to stand on!" Lucille replied with a kit kat crunch. "Wait here!" She came back from her house with a ghetto blaster and her live in boyfriend, some guy called Little Richard with a big voice. "Let's have a ball right here and now Riginal." Lucille started to sway as lil Ric took up the mike squealed as the neighbors crowded round and started chanting "boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom! boom!..."Luucille! you don't do your daddy's will...when i work up this morning felt really really glad...then you justa tol me honey sometin' oh so BAD...Lucille! you sucked an all day sucker down...Luuucille it just lasted bout n' hour ..."

MORAL: Sometimes it's best to have a ball n' dance away trivial things...i mean at any hour of the sway you just have to suck on the hard boiled truth. I tell you one thing...that sucking tooth fairy loves the cavity lol! You see plastic sticks n' stones may break my bones but pedantic sucks will never hurt me. Bless you Telly and lil Ric. The lips that launched a thousand quips. The lips that rocked m' all to bits. Talent that drew people together - entertained- never estranged.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

0 comments on All day suckers... true or false? RIGINAL.

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us