LAZY JOE. RIGINAL.
Joe was born lazy. He was 10 years old when HE decided to be born. I kid you not which was Joe's first job. A 10 year old lazy kid.Joe's mother was lazy too. Out of sheer boredom and irate comments by the shoppers at Wallmart whom Ethel 'blockaded' the 'specials' aisle when she turned side on to remonstrate with the 'chosen ones' who couldn't choose anything in the aisle due to the mother- of- all- births.Joe was born/ejected on Fred's 'buy one-get one free' shelf which is utter crap as astute shoppers know. The 'buy one' is TWICE the price to compensate as if yews didn't know over there; where 'freebies' for the pollies reigns supreme in America where red white and blue can just as easily be mistaken/identified as the bruising colors resultant from indiscriminate bashing by store dicks who apprehended newly born Joe thieving the 'free one' without paying for the double the price 'bargain.' "Why did you give birth to that lazy lump, woman?" said nasty 90 -year-old Fred a spindly pensioner who re -stacked the shelves during/after the fight.
Ethel was too lazy to reply after all she had just given birth to a thieving lazy 10-year-old-white- 'free' dumbfighter boy so she attempted to strangle Fred with newly born LJ 's umbilical cord. Ethel mounted a charge on the store with success.The charge? Kicking with intent to whit nitwit red white and blue because Joe availed himself of a 'freebie.' Therefore on that premise shouldn't a few dicks kick a few pollies'? I rest my bruised theory of revulsion, Joe was wheeled into court ran or at least walked out with a pusher full of money because the judge was his mother's sister who got to get bought a merc on the lurk. And rightly so because if you can't twist a verdict to suit the merc with sheepish skin (it was a shy sheep) covers then what is America coming to? Free health care? Buy your unhealthy body some time...wait 10 years get one body free...?
Joe was so lazy. Money was no object. He pushed his lazy mother in his pusher to purchase a pusher full of burgers. This is the weird part of the bun. Both mum and kid were quite thin. Why? you ask- disinterested. For the simple reason neither could be bothered to eat...just couldn't be bloody bothered. Joe did take on a job which he put his heart into. Avoiding WORK. He had to chuck it in as it finally wore him down. He sued his employer on the grounds of work discrimination avoidance. Out of court settlement that Joe and his ma couldn't be bothered picking up.Did i mention they were lazy as?
Joe's health at the age of 18 wasn't that hot so he purchased a body- building kit in a large cardboard box with 'EXTRA' tape on it. You've guessed it...Joe just couldn't be bothered opening it. Anyway Joe's lazy mother was sleeping-didn't want to wake her. Seriously, doesn't the noise of tearing tape give you the shits! Joe was very considerate that way. Bone lazy good for nothing but CONSIDERATE nonetheless. Joe died at the age of 20. His distraught mum when she heard the terrible news snorted...rolled over and went to sleep. Extremely traumatized the poor lazy woman but she carried her grief case well.
She asked me to speak at her son's funeral. I felt honored. Joe's relative's were too lazy to rock up even though the rocks were pre-paid for and free lazy booze on tap. I took the pulpit. Was asked to return it. I have no memory as such and extreme dicks lexia (told there's a cure but why change at my age...a new dick is the least of my worries!) Most of the women i know get by without them? Fanny that? I'm being rude so my apologies to all dickless women of America with DICKS. Hope i don't get shafted over this observational sidetrack.
i 'm talking bout the women down in Dixie who were forced to hire Private Dicks to keep an eye on their husband's as Dixie had a sudden errant overload of whistling dixies between the North and South of Vagin ia. Joe's mum is nodding off so i best ad-lib my speech which i specially prepared.
"I came here today to pay homage to Lazy Joe. Sure he was lazy but he could have become a politician if he had off worked less. Joe never got over the red white and hue bruising he received on the day he was born. Joe was not my friend but according to his mother here who is snoring her bearded face off he never ever got into drugs. Too lazy. Joe had a job avoiding work it crippled him but he persisted even after his boss sacked him for being lazy. Ashes to ashes Joe's lazy bulldust to dust. Joe you did your very worst and that's all we can ask of our leaders. Joe may you rest in lazy peace but may i say even in death you make far better decisions than 99.9% of the people we pay to rob us blind of our hard won freedom. Goodbye Joe and may i take this opportunity to thank you for your unrelenting laziness. I'd propose a toast but Joe's mum was too lazy to bring bread or a toaster...goodbye Joe and may Bog guess your lazy good for nothing ass." You won't believe this this is the weird part. Joe suddenly sat bolt upright so would you people if you were sitting on a bolt. You see Joe was so lazy he forgot to breath but his mother who was sound asleep rolled off the bench onto Joe who was lying prone on the 'Church of Plain Lazy' floor. Joe's mum was too lazy to wack Joe in a box.Joe was alive and kicking lazily due to his mother's sudden shock heart starter roll on. The- rent- a- lazy crowd i hired at the last moment snored in amazement.
Lazy Joe rang me today to thank me from the bottom of his fart...a lazy one but that was Joe.