Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The Worls's Foremost R' Ship Guru. RIGINAL.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, December 14, 2013

DON'T LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP VEGETATE talk before you stalk. After all you loved each other at the altar didn't you? So what's altered?


Remember that old song "IT'S NOT FUNNY HOW WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE...?" name's Yaw Relationshape. Let me tell you a bit about you see people i am qualified to dot the eyes before they become heavily lidded. I am also a hypnotist. Lay on something comfortable, relax. You are getting are at one with your partner or maybe you may have to put it off til 1.3O? Or whenever one has the time to mentally take a mo or at least trim it to allow your mind's eye to connect to that special person who mowed the lawn but was too damn lazy to sweep up after the fact...that they were too lazy to! Does the grey matter we are all blessed with trim the fat of angst and see therin your partner in a new light? Perhaps that special glow has dimmed some watt? Okay i'll wait til you grab a match because the purpose of this post is to fire your relationship to re-invigorate the heat of passion so to speak but if your partner is NOT speaking bring the match quite close to his or her toes to create a melding of awareness that you're both subliminally on the same page. Now throw the page away and pretend you're are both in synch because if you don't you could both wind up IN it! That secret nirvana to a successful bonding if you like. Hold your partner's hand. Breath slowly, imagine you're hot for each others feelings,say nothing. Breath slowly and comment, which seems to be a dying art, a bygone trait of a time gone by perhaps because no-one takes the time out. Rather like the lazy husband who couldn't be bothered sweeping up after mowing down the angst. AND! couldn't be bothered putting the rubbish bin out either ,that he/she should have put forth containing the trimmed fat of angst but what's the use of getting angry anyway because he/she...the dog? DIDN'T!

Do you see how i've taken your minds off stupid insignificant every day things that your lazy husband should have done but didn't because he's so lazy and what's the point because? Now that i have you in a complete trance- like state (Washington?) i want you both to imagine you are a pair of little pigs who have been together and saved each others bacon...but don't be rash. I don't want either of you to touch each other at this point in time. "So what's bloody new!" i hear you say sarcastically but yews won't for the simple reason piglets don't have the capacity to spout/absorb sarcasm. Now don't snort...if you are presently snorting a ripe pumpkin perhaps put it ass ide or at least next to it. Imagine the pumpkin is in a vege state (Washington?). Now,before you both go to seed and start fighting over the 'put -to- one- side' p relax and repeat after me in a loving rhetorical dreamlike state (Washington?) "IT'S NOT FUNNY HOW WE DON'T PORK ANYMORE!" Your tails are as one your rashers reach gently for the BEWILDERED DISCARDED pumpkin lift it above your head as far as you can ladies and drop it fair on your partner's scone and repeat after me "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO PUT THE BIN OUT!" I now want the male with the pumpkin lump on his head to gently touch the opposite piglet and say "it's not funny how we don't pork anymore?"

Now you are very sleepy men because you are not quite conscious and perhaps you think you have had enough of the Tom Foolery. Relax...let Tom take you to celestial heaven (Washington by George?). If you haven't a car Tom will ring a Pig taxi bi George but don't expect George to pay for the gas OTHERWISE he'll just drive by the gas station.

Now! when i clack my tonsils and say "smack that useless husband of yours over the head again with the remnants of the aforesaid pumpkin" to reinforce as a latent rather late bin putting out of, which partially started it all in the first place. Repeat after me one more time...but first clear your husband's mashed noggin of pumpkin "you don't get any pork salad Annie til you put the bins out!" I can hear the clang from Australia as the little male piggies squeal and trip over each other in an attempt to make up lost bin do i know that? Bin there...done that! I mean say something sweet to your partner. Like "it's not funny how we don't pork anymore.....!" But fellas don't be repetitious. Women need an assurance that you guys won't make pigs of yourselves. I rest my honker. Next week i'll tell you how to muffle their squeals. Get some lubrication and put some on both wheels of the bin...otherwise the neighbors trying to get some sleep may borrow a pumpkin off your wives and smash you over the head with it! PEACE ladies just give the neighbors a little piece. Let me leave yews with this thought Celery Cecil B D Mil said and i quote "if a pumpkin falls in the forest of a man's head does anybody hear?" unquote. Love the one you're with but if you really don't like the pumpkin do the will be over in a flash...just do the math...the manster math! Is it worth splitting up because your partner is a bit lazy? I rest my Z zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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3 comments on The Worls's Foremost R' Ship Guru. RIGINAL.

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By rajanmax on December 15, 2013 at 04:43 am

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By riginal on December 15, 2013 at 07:13 am Spike Milligan used to say..."and a very herpy birthday to you to Mr Ramalama ning nong." Ou e a a ahhh! Did you say you worked in the herpes field or are you a volunteer research subject threshing round that very field on a contractual basis with cognitive congestionary self flagulation, intent on trimming up your own mental pathway? Or at least around the acidic edges of weedy comment?Welcome to Broowaha i look forward to your latest articulate comment. May scientific medical advancement lead you to the formulation of a post whence all may view in wonder? And have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.

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By riginal on December 15, 2013 at 07:26 am


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