THIS IS A RUBBER (COMMERCIAL).riginal.
If you want to be bored shitless read on. You don't want to be? Well then may i stretch your imagination if you prefer to do your own stretching as i am a firm believer in "a stretch in brine saves time." Let me explain. My great Gran father (a cross dressing fish monger who couldn't decide whether he was Gran Arthur or father Martha was a rubber fish sexer who stretched newly born fish in brine which caused the brined fish to raise a fish finger it she was male or a thumb up if she was female. Of course when G and F realized that people were not stupid and fancied 'real rubber fish' as opposed to 'imitation' rubber fish he knew his factory- built with their meagre savings from sticking prosthetic rubber legs on slugs (an 'add on' inovation at the time) was doomed. The business venture gone bad because of the influx of imitation cheap rubbed leg imports.Resulting import impost literally de- legged them out in a business sense. The main culprit though in retrospect was taxation. GF was slugged heavily on the production line side of producement. He had his back turned to a giant slug on rollers which turned out to be from the taxation dept. of downtown Slaggsville.
Someone had slagged/vills ified off to the local TD that GF was making a tidy profit, undeclared, and as all you small business owners know,making a stingy profit goes hand in slug with getting slugged in the 'back taxes' from behind by a slimy taxation slug. Did i mention that previously some slime back? GF was taxed 50 prosthetic legs in the dollar, about that time the price of stick- on- glue to fasten the prosthetic slug legs went kneecap high. Add to the fact black and white television had just been invented and people were 'glued' to this phenomena ; all glue was suddenly seconded by government to glue black and white people to their B and W teles... therin lay a dreadful floor...so dreadful, the six legged non-profitable slugs were falling through it and most wound up legless due to the fact that the pipe leading to an underfloor distillery below the factory (another inovation) leaked because there was no glue to glue it up due to internal tax reform and government meddling by the bean counters who ran out of glue also. They couldn't keep their eyes glued on tax evasion.Hence the fabric and scarce glue holding nearby 'Slacksville run' -Wall Street- collapsed! This in turn precipitated the 'Ungrateful Depression' purely and simply because the Slackmarket didn't have a glue. A sticky situation indeedy..
"OKAY! wait a cotton picking minute!" i hear my reader say."Why stretch rubber fish in brine anyway?" Well, the staff at the rubber factory used to stretch the RRFPFAT (ratty rubber fish plus fingers and thumbs) in Jim Beam to begin with but that resulted in the workers arriving home having driven their company supplied rubber fish fingers...round the drunken bend. Now are we clear and up to date? No? Well...in winter after the brine was introduced to the fish f fingers. The SALT in the brine melted the ice on the drunken bend. It was a much improved safety factor as the number of the driven company supplied fish fingers and thumbs sliding off the ice and crashing, diminished...save for the occasional two- legged rapidly disappearing 'Taxing Slug' head on.My GF eventually passed away, broke, and defingered. Taxes plus glue in short supply and the Stackmarket- being the culprits.
To the present day. The derelict rubber factory of left over prosthetic legs, drunken slugs, fish and thumb de-sexed fingers- ended up in my hands.This is the exciting part of this commercial rubber band "bang on" turn around stretching back many many years. I melted the rubber down by a HOT CAT A LICK IT CONVERTER.. The huge cat employed for this purpose loved to lick as the fishy taste blew its mind. Even though the hours rubbed puss up the wrong way. IE: working double lick sardine weekends. The cat wound up rich. I used to bounce round the factory with puss- in- boots and hand because i became wealthy from producing converted rubber band cheques!!! Small business has to have cheques and balances. So just you remember the next time you bounce one...there's something fishy about them! I deal in cash myself but i remain elastic in my rubber band production approach. Thank you for checking this post out. The next time you're chewing a rubbery piece of fish check it out as it may have been imported commercially and i personally find fishy commercials boring...fishy even...don't you? HONESTLY, don't they stretch your patience?