Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Baby Boomer's job application form.

Some believe we are over the hill, or possibly should be under it, at my age. This is a letter I wrote (tongue in cheek) to a prospective employer.

Dear Prospective Employer who ever you may be,

I would like to submit this letter to give you a little insight into what I seek for my next position of employment. Having been given the 'bleep', sorry the sack…or (in my eyes) wrongfully dismissed from my previous employ, I hope you will not be offended if I explete profanities now and then, for at the time of writing this, I have had pretty much a gut-full.

No, 'bleep', sorry that came out wrong, as gut-full may imply that I have been imbibing in the demon drink and as strange as this may sound too you (not that you know me) I haven't, which if you did know me, you would think rather odd.

In fact can I ask you to hold on a sec as I'm going to get one and then my gut-full may make more sense. So if you could take a short break in the reading of my application I would appreciate it.

You see to tell you the truth I'm pretty much fed up with the total office environment. I am, god forbid, no longer (not that I ever was) a Gen Y. In fact as I am not obliged to tell you my age in my submission I will withhold that information, but let us say I am between 55 and 58 years young. If you smiled I am glad, that was my intent, however moving on here; this is OLD according to some prospective Employers. If you didn't smile I am already doomed.

Our lot have passed our 'use by date', in being able to contribute anything worthwhile to the workforce. Well what the 'bleep' is that all about? Just because our memories are not what they use to be and we have a few character lines, does not mean we are over the hill or are completely bloody useless.

May I allow myself to explain myself?

I am clearly not over the hill or 6 feet under it therefore I am worthy of being employed.

I do not want to be in an environment with all females as we all now it ends up a bitch fest.

I do not want to keep my mouth closed if I feel something is being handled incorrectly.

I do want to be able to voice my opinion without being sacked downtrodden because of it.

I am a hard and conscientious worker (hell even my last Manager told me that just before I was sacked).

I at one stage ran my own business, so yes I do not what customer service is about, how to answer a bloody phone call and use a computer. Please don't ask for Excel spread sheets utilising multiple formulas or Powerpoint or anything to heavy in Word as I'm a little fragile in those areas.

I am not on medication for dementia, depression, ADHD, schizophrenia or even headaches.

I shower daily and don't have an old persons smell (though that may come, depending on how long I am in your employ).

I am past the child baring age, so I won't be walking in with a huge grin on my face, holding my stomach and blurting "Guess what" and having to look at your pained expression of "Oh God Maternity Leave".

I have travelled (though yes I would like to do more) let me say for this Resume I am tweeking it a little, but I'm not going to stay with you for 4 months only to then tell you I'm leaving you stranded for a 12 month European vacation.

I do have a vice of smoking, however I do not 'smell' enough to reek and cause other staff members to run from the room holding a tissue over their nose. I do not require 24 breaks during my work day to light up, one or two is sufficient. This I know you would completely understand.

I enjoy a drink (socially only of course) which reminds me this one is back. That being the case I do not carry a hip flask at all times and you will not find me under my desk slurring my words propped up against the back wall.

I do not use any walking aid ie wheelchair that would require the help of Gen Y to push me to my desk or to the toilet.

I do not wear hearing aids, so I do not need batteries replenished throughout my working day, or those to yell at a higher decibel level than normal.

I do wear glasses whilst using a computer, but I do remember where I leave them.

I do not get sick. Stop laughing. I have had the common cold twice in my entire life. Therefore I will not be taking endless sick days because of 'gastro', I stubbed my big toe, I have a migraine or I just didn't want to work today.

Concluding because by now I feel you have had enough, well let me tell you something so have I!

I want a change a sea-change, a life-change, a different course in my life to work out my years till I can retire. I am over pettiness in the work place, family businesses that refuse to let outsiders 'in'.

Over the bullshit, the crap, the smiling sweet to those I cannot stomach., hearing 'back in my day' or how old did you say you were???

I possibly have some anger management issues that I should deal with.

Looking forward to you favourable response at your earliest (ie one round of interviews is enough, if you can't make up your mind the first time, then you are wasting my time...and I am old remember!!)

Yours Sincerely,

About the Writer

I am the Author of The Empty Nest- A Mother's Hidden Grief. (EPub) This is available through Lulu and Amazon. The memoir is the story of my life as a mother, with an emphasis on the unspoken grief, which accompanies the process of letting go of one’s children as they grow up. As much as a mother loves her children, she must endure, at many stages of their growth, the pain of losing them. The inevitable “cutting of the ties” culminates when the day arrives for her children to leave home. For many women, this time coincides with profound personal changes of menopause and fiftieth birthdays. My own recent experience of this process prompted me to revisit my life as a mother, and to delve into the journals which I had kept since I was pregnant with my two daughters, some twenty years ago. The journals reveal the learning curves of motherhood and I was able to use this material to form both the chronological backbone of the memoir, and to expose the “heart” of the story in the touching and personal moments that I had recorded. Here are the links if you are interested.
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8 comments on Baby Boomer's job application form.

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By riginal on August 26, 2013 at 12:01 pm

Jenny i just may have got sacked (actually told the boss to get stuffed) by the sound of it, roughly bout the same century as you? Worked my guts out as i have all my life ('bludge' was an unknown blunt word in my upbringing). Boss told me one miserable muddy day i should retire...i said "bulldust". Am a diabetic on injections for fifty years. Boss trying to find a 'chink' in my work ethic said,"you've had a few hypos,at 67 you should be out traveling,retired. Told him to shove his job (pulling on a 3 tonne cable reel by hand all day.) He employed a young bloke to take my place,they sacked him after my former supervisor told him that i was twice as fast! To cut a long story short. Month and a half before this, boss-rich, big powerful bloke, mean-scoffed as i told him there is a thing called karma. He developed cancer in his osophegus, they took it out and replaced it with a long length of his entrails. Near died. Can't lift a brick now,on medication rest of his life.I don't wish crap on anyone but aint life a see-saw Jenny? And do you know that guy has become meaner! Age is a furphy, if you can do the job go at it...and to hell with the incumbent bulldust sprayed and sucked up by employer's "yes" men/women polishing their gums on the boss's bloated backside! I'm a Melbourne dweller too and aint us 'hasbeens' seen it all? And i bet there's a lot of people out there thrown on the scrapheap of 'age discrimination' the world over agreeing with your sentiments and nodding wisely with a wry knowing grin. One day the young guns will have "been there...dumb that!" Empty smokeless shells all fired out,tired. Good luck to them and their careers...but don't dispense with your dignity and individuality. Cheers...Time for my rampant teabag. And a vanilla slice! Smile! it won't leave a scar!

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By Shaun Gibson on August 26, 2013 at 05:23 pm

Welcome aboard Jenny...

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By JennyT on August 26, 2013 at 07:19 pm

I thank you kindly :-)

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By JennyT on September 01, 2013 at 04:31 am

Rig - sorry for the delay in replying, the days have just passed me by. Wow what an interesting tale you have written. Too often we see it though, the 'older generation' being pushed aside for the slick back smart youngens straught out of University, but because they have a degree or can master 25 gazillion computer programs - they 'apparently' are legendary. Thankfully some employers are now waking up to the fact that they want life skills and not just the fancy schmancy of Titles. Hope you enjoyed your rampany tea-bag - you brought a smile :-)

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By riginal on September 01, 2013 at 08:38 am

Cheers Jenny. There are a lot of new shiny 'uni' cycles being peddled round. But if and when the 'intellectual' chain falls off or jams who do they turn to for advice? Or monetary lubricant. Nothing wrong with knowledge. But it's only one part of the chain.

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By JennyT on September 01, 2013 at 05:54 pm

All very true rigy (your new name) :-) Like the analogy.

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By Berenika88 on May 16, 2014 at 07:04 am

I think is so cool pozycjonowanie

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By Casima88 on August 04, 2014 at 11:41 pm

Is so great to try

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