Monday, July 23, 2018

Confessions of an Enabler

by Stephanie Michele (writer), Venice, October 08, 2006


Hi, I’m Stephanie and I am an enabler. The Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary defines an enabler as, “one that enables another to achieve an end; especially one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by helping that individual avoid the consequences of such behavior.”

It has been a couple of years since I have been a practicing enabler but the saying is true, “once an ________ always an ________.” I have caught myself slipping a couple of times. I reached out when I should not have. I believed in words even though actions did not exist to support them. I willingly opened my wounded heart and allowed mounds of salt to be poured in. Why? Not because I am masochist, quite the opposite. I am very much a lover. I try to process everything I am exposed to through my heart. My head is not capable of knowing the depths of what is felt in my heart and if I am to grow at all I have to keep it that way.

Learning I was enabler increased my ability to love and understand it. I thought love was just some sort of feeling that happened - chemistry between two people. The only formula I knew for making it last was to not rock the boat too much, to go with the flow. What I realized was when you really love someone you have the ability to see what is hurting them and once you see this you have to confront them no matter what the consequences will be in your relationship. You have to be willing to walk away, carrying your own heart in broken hands. You learn when there is nothing more you can do and when doing nothing at all is really something - even if another person can’t see or feel your love it doesn’t mean you are not giving it.

When love truly starts from within it does not die, it may go through processes of recycling, growth and rest but is does not go away. Nothing else on earth can rival love’s ability to last. This implementation of forever is probably why it is so intimidating and why sometimes we want to run as fast as we can in the opposite direction when we feel it. All I know is this, you have to take it as it comes and be prepared to face your fears as they come up along the journey. One day you will realize that not only are you well traveled with experiences you would not trade for the world, you have an irreplaceable companion that no amount of wealth on earth can out value.

About the Writer

Stephanie Michele is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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