Monday, July 23, 2018

Karaoke Kills

by P. Silva (writer), NYC, June 03, 2007


When I think of karaoke, I think of stupidity… much like when I think of stupidity, I think of our 43rd president.

The idea of interacting with a pack of tone deaf knuckleheads and their inability to carry a tune is not high on my agenda list. It's like watching those first bunch of episodes of American Idol where you think, are these dipshits for real? A story in today’s news got me thinking I’m far from alone…

“Man shot dead for bad singing in Philippine karaoke bar”.

The headline pretty much says it all. A security guard allegedly shot some poor bastard in a karaoke bar for singing out of tune. A true indication that karaoke is evil. Apparently, this is not uncommon in Philippine establishments.

Although the article didn’t mention the title of the track the victim was singing, it did note that many of the karaoke bars in Manilla have banned "My Way" (Frank Sinatra) because of fights and deaths it has caused when sung out of tune.

I can only imagine the ruckus a Michael Bolton song would cause.

It seems that the people who enjoy karaoke most are goodie-goodies, American Idol wannabes, jocks, the old, or people just too shit-faced to realize what they’re doing. In other words, “Bizarro-Silva”, sans for getting shit-faced, that is. I’m not a glass half full kind of guy.

I’m not suggesting that watching someone publicly disgrace themselves isn’t entertaining. It's the assclowns that take themselves seriously that really gets my goat. You can usually identify them by the emotional face gestures and flaring arms, belting out ballads in favor of "Like a Virgin". I’d rather watch the Elaine Benes thumbs dance while listening to the vocal stylings of Peter Brady ("When It's Time to Change.") than be exposed to this gobbledygook.

If you find yourself tempted to pick up the microphone, here are a few things to consider…

· Karaoke was created by Osama bin Laden in 1970.

· Karaoke causes obesity.

· Every time someone performs karaoke an angel loses it’s wings.

· Karaoke is French for: “one who eats puppies”

· It causes erectie dysfunction in males.

· The first karaoke bars were built above ancient Indian burial grounds.

When it comes down to it, I’m opposed to anything that challenges the constitutional rights of Americans. With that, I guess you can't take away a person's right to be a jackass. It's a real kick in the pants though.

“Man shot dead for bad singing in Philippine karaoke bar”:;ylt=AmSUESDxwIKb62x2P2j8eLbMWM0F

About the Writer

P. Silva is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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3 comments on Karaoke Kills

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By Ron on January 06, 2008 at 07:26 pm


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By P. Silva on May 07, 2008 at 09:05 pm

Thanks Bro....More "Broo" one of these days!

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By Edward on May 11, 2008 at 02:30 pm

Oh man, this is funny.  Hey buddy, you are NOT far from alone.

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