My article on the intercession of the saints, which had already been published on CatholicMom.com and won a Big Click award on Catholic Bloggers Network was held up for question after a new site reposted it. I was shocked. The new host was worried that links to me would cast dispersion on her new site or even worse lead others astray. Working together, we both decided to remove the article and cooperatively publish an apology.
Two known Catholic authors, with lots of credentials, told me I was completely orthodox and to relax, even giving both the host and I glowing comments on the blog but something cracked open inside me. A rush of pain and tears has welled up to the surface and I still feel undone. It is like a closet door has opened, revealing pain, darkness and doubt that I never knew existed.
When I stumbled upon the picture of Mary Magdalen, I finally broke down. All day, every time I read about the mercy and love of God or the kindness of people, tears start flowing.
WHY? God has used this incident to bring about past wounds that I have experienced as a convert to Catholicism. My sister was an Evangelical missionary to people behind the Iron Curtain for 10 years in Europe and for the last twenty years she has been working on a Pastoral team with her husband who is a minister. She has voiced her concern for my salvation as a Catholic. Talk about getting hit from BOTH sides!!
What a conundrum in the Body of Christ. I cannot helping feeling sorry for God as I see the discord between His children. Many Christians are so afraid of becoming New Age that they shut out all personal, spiritual experiences. Catholics mistrust revelations of other Christians and Protestants often think that Catholics are open to the occult by praying to Mary and the Saints. They even wonder if we are even saved! Let’s not behave like arrogant, closed-minded Pharisees but humbly trust in God to lead and teach us as, leaving condemnation to the Evil One.
Often Christians must simply acknowledge that we cannot intellectually grasp all heavenly mysteries. We choose to continue our walk in, with and through the Holy Spirit, trusting in God without fear of making a mistake. We cannot allow fear of the devil and deception to be stronger than our trust in God’s Mercy and Grace. Fear freezes us, often preventing the inner spiritual journey that leads to fullness of life in Christ. Trust me, I know what fear can do to a person. Now I realize that God the Father will bring me into the light; He will lead me into all truth.