AN ORCA WHALE'S DREAM TO BECOME A COMMERCIAL PILOT. RIGINAL.
Okay, there's no SEX, violence, risky fish-finger argumental self- seeking 'suck up' "to my 'one' loyal reader" in this fishy tail. He has left the building. Along with Avarice...umm, Elvis. Arguably one of THE greatest singers ever.No Teledus scrabbling amiable shit in this post imploring people to "visit me on my site" because i don't have a 'site.' Sight unseen who bloody cares? I don't go out of my way to swear or sexually demean animal persons place or thingys. At least i'm not noun for it. If you do in fact possess de-mean thingy, that's for you to wrestle with. But don't be too cocksure about your place in the 'ocean of life' as life itself can be a living strum, or should i say a finger banging male/female strum of Web ubiquitous snagging yews unawear...sorry,unaware.Caught my Long Johns on the "hi!" door handle of the bedroom door t other morn.
Don't believe me my dear dear wonderful reader who just left the building? I'll answer in simpleton terms. Why the hell do you think they call them "Long" Johns? If they were short crappy Johns you'd have a handle on a valid point. Actually mine ARE short and crappy now because my better- half had to snip me off the door knob. Look! i was standing on a one metre stool (not one of mine...don't be ridiculous!). You may infer "shit happens." Not on my watch it doesn't. Although i do own a shitty watch that goes bong! bong! on the hour. I tell you what if you do own one of those antique grandfather clocks 'converted' to a thigh banging 'wrist watch' watch out for the pendulum cos if it wacks you on the hour every hour in the family jewels it can be quite painful.I suggest strapping it down to avoid the banging bong or does that swing the opposite way? I digress. Was adjusting the mirror on the ceiling,slipped, caught my now 'short' previously long, long Johns on the door handle. LOOK! Let's leave it there. That's what my angry missus said. Now i'm sure none of you dear dear reader temporarily back in the building is at all interested in bonging banging or swinging. I mean you all have your own Bongs...so i've heard. I'm quite satisfied with insulin and the ensuing sights it occasionally enlightens me with in hypo-space. I once embraced a mystic 'angel of mercy' (aka my missus...she cut my long, now short dacks... aka Long Johns...off from a suspending interfering errant foolhardy knob.) I'm going to leave the knob there as i'd like to "cut" to the chase. Which indeed was the 'chase' in open and shut cut case.
Well my dear dear half ready to step out of the building again "loyal reader"... On with the chaise...which i had to lie upon after having my bestest Long Johns cut to the quick. OKAY! OKAY! you're sick to death of my crappy LJ's. Sick to death of hearing bout them. Or snippets of frog frequence therein.God! if you people were telling me about YOUR underthingys getting caught on an errant knob i just wouldn't roll my eyes. I'd go get a pair of scissors and cut yews free. On with today's story. I don't give a toss dear dear reader bout your knob."Live and let knob i say!" Maybe yours slides and therefore has a recessed handle? Today's knob...BLOODY HELL!...today's story is about an Orca Whale whose lifelong dream is to fiddle with knobs (can't seem to get round knobs today...?) on a Commercial passenger jet plane. RIDICULOUS you say! Okay dear dear reader 'one' of threequarters of the way out of the building...what about a PILOT whale...HAAA! capital HA HA. I'm starting to sound like Sid Vicious victorious,shark of the surfing blog rantermania "HA HA" beached wailing sing-song variety. The scene is this. Orca the whale sits before a fight licence tester in lieu of gaining his pilot's licence see...actually Orca's sick of the sea that's why he wants to fly round people...or square ones with short Long Johns.Notice i didn't lean on any knobs!
LICENCE TESTER HERMAN KNOB:"Orca why do you want to fly at all?...i know of flying fish who have given up flying/frying round people and prefer to just "wallow in the Autumn mist in a sea called Galilee...? So did Pop the magic drag on and on with no end in sight?" Orca i don't want to upset your knobs/switches but if i may instrugate or at least half shut the gate on one pertinent FACT.You sir are a killer whale! What if you turned on 300 passengers having a whale of a time...cracked a wobbly wail and started to kill them dead? Worth chewing over?"
ORCA:(pulls out "come see" unseeworthy document) "I have a right under the whale constitution of 1865 instigated and perpertuated by young 'Jonah' of the whale wailing sing-song society to have the right or left to fly on a wing and a dare which most pilots seem to fly on anyway.I quote,"a Whale,if so desires, can, upon issue of a flying 'plain' vanilla licence, or strawberry if pink pops his/hearse cone fancy...a winged vessel skywards (preferably) and land such a winged piece in one piece to keep the peace. If deemed to be able to control his knobs IE: in the cabin of a passenger plane therin for a period of knobbing and pulling n switching n flicking n saying things like "don't bother putting your seat belts on this shitbox is going to land in the sea because some dickhead left the rudder off when he went off to get a new knob for the passenger escape door which he forgot to screw on so most of you will end up in the drink so pour yourself one and put your head between your knees. Your OWN knees! Screw missing knob on EXIT DOOR if you find it rocking or rolling neath your seat BEFORE landing-unquote.
HERMAN:"Do you promise to swear,or swear to promise to keep the aforesaid plane airborne even if it's full of Democratic Republican wankers/knobs blogging the bejesus out of each other on aforesaid plane via personal spitting abuse rampant thoughts from overwrought brainwashing in uni etc? Even though most of the overbrainicle idiots don't realise that the so-called "leaders" are only 'iconic' symbols. And no more than that because the collective 'backroom' girls and boys make ALL the BIG descisions and the 'iconic' leaders are only there mainly to take the blame when the 'collective' boffins stuff up! And the leaders of countries haven't the time to read and sign every damn thing because they're too busy presenting a 'front' and bullshitting the opposition/public that they are right. The weary public has no-one else to vote for so when they blog each other with spurious comments like "whyyy did ya vote dem in den?" the simple answer without the bullshit is...the true 'stand up' leaders of Democracy are dead and buried but they are still head and shoulders above the existing incumbent cucumbers slicing their own green monetary salads without added dressing. Pollies here and abroad are not fools...99.9% of them are doing their best to embrace and further that percentage though. If i give you the licence Orca do you promise to uphold the plane truth so help me Blog! And to not sing- song, wail, bullshit, to the oceans of passenger/voters whom regret that honesty has flown out the closed window of opportunity and smashed its head...sits dazed! Slinking lips sink the ever-widening gulf between 'Dumb and Dumber' our resident oppositional gooses who couldn't cook up a resolution of hard- boiled commonsense if they were to embrace each other in unity of dysfunctional thought...which exists as a steady diet of diatribe to the max of "yep people it's all in hand...mostly in OUR hands!...and bulging pockets?" Do you solemnly swear to ingest all this trepidational poppycock snobbery Orca without switching to Malice in Wonderland?"
ORCA:"SHIT HERMAN!...forget it! I'd probably get stuck in the seat and end up like flying round aimlessly making bad descisions n getting yelled at n...drowning in abuse. Forget it.I'd rather fin my life arguing with a Japanese trawler on the net. Or harpoon (harp on) at the idiots killing us using the excuse "scientific studies." Rather "free willy"...you humans are a weird lot of red herrings.Your pollies should stop fishing for compliments and Salmon the courage to swim againgst the tide of mediocrity.
HERMAN: "Fair comment Orca.Thought about going to sea to see, and make a political contribution via the net?"
ORCA:" I'm a bloody whale not a fin fund-raiser.How ridiculous. Rather sit back with a can of Bud...twist me knob to a sing-song along with a Waylon Jennings undertow!"
HERMAN:"See your pointed tail Orca."
ORCA:"Course you do...only wear me Long Johns on long fishing weekends. Otherwise the missus's pod relatives would cut me short! Tried thongs...they make me eyes water Herman...might get on the net and order a pair of off the shoulder fin strapless stretch levi Long Johns and a matching mouthgard."
HERMAN:" For your teeth?"
ORCA:" No...my bloody Long Johns...you Knob!...must fly."
HERMAN:"Thought you didn't want to fly?"
ORCA:" Shit! it's a figure of fin speech...must bloody run then as fast as my little fish patties can carry me!"
HERMAN:"Aren't you known as the 'Blackfish' alternatively Orca?"
ORCA:"Blackfish...whitefish...! Are you trying to start a racism row?"
HERMAN:"I don't want to start or finish anything...!"
ORCA:" Ohhh!...another budding non-startlng non-finishing Politician! Try twisting the Knob on your rhetoric to "Peoples' Needs."
HERMAN:"I can't tune into that,it's gets lousy reception!"
If i have offended any of my dear dear reader...all i can say is dear! oh dear! What would Elvis sing to Congress were he alive today?"Little less conversation little more action? Come on come on come on...just 'COME ON'?" seems all people have to chew on... CHEERS!............................................................Greed and avarice hasn't left the building.