A MULE AND HIS MS STAND-UP. riginal.
When it was all boiled down Francis the Mexican mule was an ass. He was a hoofbeat away from having his down boiled actually. His owner Manual Overdrive Sanchez was so sick and tired of the mule's ass inine comments that he sold the overweight big-eared big mouth big arsed pot bellied (sometimes smoking more pot than his pot belly belied) ass with the crass remarks.
The tired old bewhiskered chain-smoking prospector parked the stupid creature's fat bellied carcass outside the mule knackery. Stripped the weary empty tarnished sweat-stained gold sacks, pot, and fold-up combinationary pick and shovel off the pouting stubborn mule. "Eeet eez goodbye Franzeez you eez ze to be knackered at zee knackery my smart arse blight of ze dumb zone. Ze pesos for your hide will feed me.Your hide fed to ze dogs. A pox on your head! That was the crux of the failed relationship. Smart arse ass retorts. Francis was a dab hand at mimickry.He fired back.
"Well now Manual Overdrive Sanchez well may you go on your chain- smoking way. If you had of stopped smoking ze chains you wouldn't have got ze dangly crowbar pinched bent and tangled up with ze Senorita Metallica and her riveting whore backed brass arse band now would you o' poxy sox? So a pox on your head!
May all your future creams come true...or maybe in packs of tree. I'll senerade you and Senorita Crabby Bang Clang with one last mule song taught to me by my pappy when I was just knee-high to an arsehopper which you ARE! Francis wasn't a bad singer actually.
"Oooh! that's the sound of the man working on her chaaain bang! bang!bang! metallic clang...and the tequila raaan...AND why wouldn't it because the senorita had your Mexican dole money o' hairy fossicker!...Ooo that's the sound of the small change workin' on the chAAnge gang..." That's as far as the insulting mule got. The enraged Sanchez took a swipe at Francis with the spade end of his combination pick n' spade. Francis was knocked clean out...Sanchez picked himself in the head on the upswing and swung off down the street shouting profanities..."taxes...AIG takeovers...government private 'mule hit over the head' compensation and ass head remuneration."
Let me explain how all the bitterness started. Sanchez and Francis the squawking mule planned a bank hold-up. It started off okay. The desperados waited til' the mule bank was full of mules. Francis wore an off the shoulder mule mask so that the mule camera saw double.The mule pulled out a note and handed it across to the cute female mule teller.
"This is a mule's stick up...fill my bum bags with gold or i'll tickle your cute tits off!" Mavis the teller was a quick twitter titter . She threw them on the counter...handed back a hastily scribbled note. "I'll load...you tickle!" To cut a long tickle short Francis dallied too long. By the time the gold was loaded into the bum bag between giggles (Giggles was the perving mule clerk) Sheriff Covertitupez was on his way. Although the tickling robbing pair got a head start the weight of the gold forced the mule's fat stomach into the soft sand leaving a rather deep furrow.
Which was easy to tickle...sorry...furrow...ummm...FOLLOW! As a back-up plan Sanchez hoisted Francis up on his back but they bogged down. They really should have left Mavis behind. She started reciprocating tickle...the three were laughing their heads off when captured.Mavis was freed and sent off with a slap and a tickle. The two bank robbers spent 6 mnths behind bars. The official charge was causing an offray on a mule's frayed off bras...and I'm afraid to say...wobbling with intent...plus no visible means of support. IE: Lack of Gold Finger.
Now a recap of the unconscious Francis. The mule skinner at the knackery, believe it or not, was a mexican stand up bandit comedian on the weekends.He recognized the ad-libbing potential, as the formerly conked out Francis came round with the aid of a glass of smelling salts."Are you able to talk Francis or have you smelt enough?" "Yeah mule skinner...sorry bout that but 'shit happens.' " The two stood on the mule comedy stage as ' MS with Fatboy Ass.' Five thousand weary drunken pack mules yelled asides. Ms started, he was shaking."a giraffe walks into a bar..." Francis cursed...cut in..."knocks himself out!"
Ms:" I skinned 11 and a half mules last week...(boos). Francis grabbed the mike " the SLACKER'S DOZEN...or should i say dear friends...the SLACKER'S DOZEIN!" (slight titters) Francis pushed MS aside sat on his ass and let go. "My dumb mate here and me just cut a new album using new bands.So stop your braying. Incidently, there's a new mule movie out starring Mule Gibson. 'Bray Heart.' He dyes in the end so keep your arse away from the knackery or you'll be died in the arse as well. (laughter/boos).
Old songs revamped. "Take every part of me"...by the transplants! "We ate your mule-in-law"...by the maggots! "Worm my way into your affections"...return of the maggots! "Baby did a bad bad thing... humped a porcupine without a Brazilian"...by Slim Prickins. "Misty"...by the foglights! "My Baby's got me locked up in change/chains"...bi Senorita pick a pox.The Mule Love song."Fly me to the Moon...but keep the flies away from it love"... by the Stick on Fly Squats! The sad old military mule school song. "Save the Last Prance for me"...by the one-legged mule. The millionaire mule song, "Silver sheds and Golden Knee alls cannot mend this Fart of mines when I'm staggering round in this gas laden mineshaft while you're sitting on your stubborn mule arse burrowing into another burro"...by Mule Train Clippity Hip Hop! Mule som Prison,"I hear the mule train comin' comin' round the bend and we ain't had no love ins since...we have chained ends...we're stuck in mule som prison and time keeps daaaggin' on...if we just keep on trottin'...boy are we gonna pong..." by the fair Suck of the Sav duo! (laughter).
Well mule people, like to finish off this set with a sad sad mule recital. "She was only a mule in a silver cage her heart was filled with desire...her husband was off with one with the lot...and boy he was such a liar...." Must leave it there. And that was the only stand-up performance by MS and Francis. They just didn't get on. The whole point of this macabre story is this. A MULE AND HIS FUNNY ARE SOON PARTED!