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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Is money the root of all evil? riginal.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, April 02, 2013

Money is a major part of the reason we work.If you are already happy would winning a large amount make your life better...or curse? .

MONEY.riginal

I was going to do a ROMANTIC PIECE. But I really can't be bothered. You see my missus. Whoa! I must stop right there. 'Missus' pertaining to the Greek. 'Miss' meaning. "I miss out ona winning a lota money ona Saturday night just becausea I nota have a winning ticket. 'Us'...according to the pissed off Greek deli owner Vince Grabbalottaus means just that. Self explanatory. Ok I'll put it in a sentence. "My Maria she gotta big shapely US and I loves to grabba it. Somea time I slip ona cabana slice Maria drop ona floor when I fun with her, she squeal, hit me with her large cabana and I miss US."

Maria say, "Vince! you wina lotta money we stopa workin' and we go home to get Greece, see Mumma and Pappa and I paint target on MY us and you never miss us! Look! they're married! All their 10 children were conceived out on the back lawn. Grassy us? Or, Gracias? Muchas I'd like to look into the right connotation or inflection I would like to point out that Vince and Maria shop at Target for soft balls to roll as close as they can get. They had to give up on the real steel bowling balls because the neighbours' kept ringing the Police and complaining about the clang of banging balls at 2am in the morning.

Missus told me to bring her a large bag of salted chips a kingsize block of dark chocolate. I threw in a jumbo size block of white chocolate also because I'm not racist, cabana sliced thinly and draped slightly over the edge of tepid slices of garlic bread (I accidently dropped the garlic bread in the sink dish water as you do) a bottle of chilled lemonade (shaken not perved)...bottle of gherkins hand squished in China-and napkin. Set it all up, switched the tele to 'My Kitchen Rules' (ours doesn't?). Put a turban on my head, started fanning the missus with a huge 'silenced' replica Arabian camel feather fan from the palace of Prince Rubitoomuch and his incombat Queen Shebanickdowntheservant's quarters missus.

You see Rub had to let his concubines go due to the downturn in oil prices...and he was starting to conk out anyway. His missus bought him a goat to keep the grass down. Rubitoomuch was a little miffed as it rubbed his pride up the wrong way!

Not Shaggalot the goat's fault at all really as the poor creature hadn't attended uni-goat and only majored in eating and shitting...everywhere! Trainers were bought in and it didn't take the goat long to get the idea. He was taught to ride a magic rug. Bit unfortunate. As Shaggalot wasn't rug trained, you all know the expression, "shit happens?" Well it did...from above!

Back to my predicament. "I have prepared this spread for you o'wonder woman I wanton to write a blogadog on LOVE. What is love so I can explain it in my own lap...top? My missus pointed at the food displayed bit down on her Gherkin and said demurely "THIS is love go write about the evils of money or the lack of it! In that I'm an expert so MONEY or the lack of it is.

Bloody hard to type whilst fanning but I have watched many shows obout people who have won big money and the end results. J Paul Getty junior once said that if all the money in the world was distributed evenly it would gravitate back to those with the original high end wealth. Go figure. Pommie show. Truth. Pommie wins money buys mansion, go kart track for kid around house. The works. Goes on tele. Cop in France watching tele recognizes guy as a racketeer in stolen imported cars. Guy goes to prison. Another bloke wins, buys late model Porsche wraps it round tree...kills himself.

Only winner I saw in series that did alright was a down to earth pallet business owner. Real character. When he won he said he and his wife bonked all night. Went out the next day bought a brand new merc. Held on to his small business...happily ever after.

Going back a long way. In Australia a former executive had the job of notifying the big winners in lotto. Tells bloke of 2 million dollar win. Coerces the fridge repairer to invest. They fly to England and the exec and a crony mate invest the fridge repairer's winnings. The winner smells a rat after a while and demands to see money. Exec takes guy in a taxi to a major bank. Just AFTER closing time. Pats on bank wall and says "your money is safe in here." The investment failed.The exec was sacked from lotto ended up on dole. Lawyers soaked up some remaining money. Fridge mechanic forced back to work. Electrocutes himself accidently...dies.

Friend's girlfriend's best friend wins 2 mill. Rushes in, didn't even ask for discount. Buys 3 new cars. One given to boyfriend. She did have some mental problems beforehand. Boyfriend leaves her, she ends up having to go back into treatment. Don't know what happened from there.

Talking to chap on work site. His mate wins a million...he and his mates thrive on fishing. Blew the lot, left with fishing boat. The fish freak wins another million. All gone.

It is calculated that if a person retires and lives frugally til the age of 75 in Australia he would need approximately $800,000 (living normally). Bit sobering. Magazine story. Chap wins a mill. Buys house gambles rest. Comes home to his loved one crying and saying "lost it all...you keep the house I'll move on because it was my fault." Half expecting the good woman to put her arms round him. She did. Pushed him out the door!

One astute old guy up the bush, a small time farmer (bush people seem to have more brains?) won a big amount. Lived in what you would describe by today's standards- as a very shabby farmhouse...didn't touch house, just bought a new ute. The stories go on...and on.

Majority seem to stuff up? In conclusion, if you won one million how would you dispense it? Me? I've never been much good with money. Usually help someone if I can. If you have a good family full of laughter and love that's the main thing. Listen! can I come live with yews? When I left the communications industry a heap of technicians were paid out an average of $400,000 which was a lot 20 years ago. Over a good quarter of the wives divorced their husbands. Maybe there's something to be said for gay marriage? Would any of you guys/gals ask for a divorce if you had a big win? DON'T LIE! Just send me an email when you win and I'll break the news to the partener...for a small fee.

Will end with an old joke...not mine. Unhappily married woman rushes in screaming with elation brandishing a lotto ticket at husband. He's half asleep, just spilled half a can of beer over the wife's much loved coffee table...smelly boots resting on table. He jerks awake "what's wrong woman...we out of beer?" "No dear I've just won tattslotto first division, PACK YOUR BAGS SONNY JIM!" Husband farts, scratches head. "Why? Where we going woman." "No bloody where...just pack YOUR bags!"

So guys be good to each other as one of the parteners could win one day soon. If you are already happy and have everything you want send the winnings to me and I'll invest it into my latest invention. A mechanical woman who will wait on you hand and foot and doesn't shout. Trouble is you have to keep winding her up! Maybe you already have one? Ahhh! but my new model doesn't know the meaning of no! WHAT! you've got one of them too! Bugger! cheers...



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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