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Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

by Ely North (writer), Holy City, USA, February 26, 2013

What to do when a colleague just won't stop hounding you

Dear Ely,

This loser I work with keeps asking me out, and it’s really annoying. I’m a total hottie and he’s a complete geek, so he really ought to know better. I mean, I do flirt with him sometimes. But that’s only because he controls the office supplies and I’m always in need of extra white-out. (I make a lot of mistakes, and I like to sniff it!) He should realize I’m just using him, yet he persists in asking for dates. I can’t just shoot him down for fear he’ll cut off my white-out supply, so I always make up some obviously phony excuse for why I can’t see him this week. But he can’t take the hint, and he keeps coming back for more pitiful quasi-rejection. How can I get this guy off my ass?

Sincerely,

Harassed Harriet

******

Dear Harassed Harriet,

I don’t care how hot you are, you’re a terrible woman. Leading him on when you have absolutely no interest in him is the second worst thing a woman can do to a man. (The worst is dismembering his external genitalia.) You should be ashamed of yourself, but I get the feeling you never will be.

Of course this poor geek keeps asking you out! By repeatedly flirting with him and never actually telling him “No,” you give every indication that you’re into him. I know you think he should be able to see through your excuses and realize he doesn’t have a chance, but you’re forgetting an important fact about men. When you flash him a pretty smile and jiggle some boobs in his face, a man loses all ability to think rationally. Brain no work good. This guy is completely oblivious to the true nature of your relationship.

If you want your love-struck colleague off your ass, you could just do the decent thing and make it clear that you’ll never date him. Sure, he may cut you off from the supply closet – but you could just buy your own white-out. It’s not that expensive.

As you don’t strike me as the type who would be interested in doing the decent thing, here’s some advice someone like you might actually use: file a frivolous lawsuit. Accuse your tormentor of sexually harassing you, and sue your company for fostering a hostile work environment. They’ll almost certainly fire the poor bastard, and you’ll never have to see him again. Until he starts stalking you.

Peace, Love, and Callously Mistreating Men,

Ely North



About the Writer

Ely North is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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