DARE MENOPAUSE AND ANDROPAUSE EMBRACE? riginal.
I wasn't going to go within a bull's roar of this subject as it's quite personal and a lot of offended spirits may shriek out of the ether of sexual disgust and heap scorn upon the horny dilemma ALL couples are faced with around midlife in varying degrees of temperature and time. Real and sometimes imagined 'intrusions' not accepted or welcomed with open or closed arms. BRING IT ON!
My apologies to HRC for any plagiarism she may feel in reference to her recent funny but true article on chillies orgasms and cake. This may not be up the male alley. Depends on your age. Let china dogs lie?
I don't expect any support or indeed comment from either side of the male or female fence. NOR will I hold back. After all, there are far more 'urgent' things in the world that should be discussed? Or is there? DON'T read on expecting tired old cliches and humor. One has to draw the line in the gland somewhere? I'm not a shrinking violent nor am I Ghengis "car'n we've cocked the world up let's have a root beer n' go home, the battle is over!" The battle is never over 'til the fat lady sings'. There's a generalizational female 'aside' for a start. How about, "the battle is not over 'til the'obese man sings?'
Let's start from the start in the 'no-woman's 'no-man's' dessert of 'abandoned' feelings. Of despair, depression, 'caked- up glazed- over resentment' useless feeling that getting older brings on; that sometimes women and MEN feel when they're at that 'vunerable point' in their life.
Both sides have given their all and may feel "what's life about?" Some divorce. Ok. Not for me to judge. Some go on the search to recapture the vibrancy that they expected to last their lifetime. Some women go on a surgical rampage to keep age at bay. Ok. Maybe their husbands loved them just as they were? Not judging.
What about us men? Got a comb over? Shave your head. Honestly, it looks a hell of a lot better when you're on the interstate in your 'top down' andropause inspired convertible when you haven't got 13 hairs that defy adhesion to your scalp and gravity and threaten to whip your eyebrows to death and spike your eyeballs. "Mind your own business riginal?" Sure, that's cool. Mate of mine wore a rug. Got sick of all the maintenance crap. Chucked it in a beaver dam. Shaved his head. Damn lonely oversexed menopausal female beaver stopped "damning" and swearing and fell in love with it! Husband got jealous and started paying his missus's a bit more attention if you get my drift. Actually they didn't drift apart. Just needed a spark.
Us older guys (not you young Jack...goodness! Jack's beanstalk will lay the golden goose 24/7 man...yeah man! WHOA man!...sure?) shoring up our remnant damn life against the onslaught of andropause, the equivalent to Menopause-suffer in silence men.
We can't talk about things like "finding it hard to get it up sometimes" or just maybe finding it? (never EVER happens to us!) We can't cry and show emotion about; "I feel I've let my family down - FAILED - haven't provided the sweet things in life or haven't the body of the guy next door you girls lust over in a weak moment. Was the guy next door there when your kids were born and you took on two jobs? ... there when your car broke down ... there when you needed a shoulder to cry on just BECAUSE!
Incidently guys...if the guy next door WAS there...I'd be ringing the blonde waitress that thinks you're cute and amusing. But you're married so...? Naaah, we're MEN! Don't suffer from ANY sort of emotional crisis. That's a woman's thing.
We don't need testosterone injections...we don't have hormonal changes or doubts and fears at 2am in the morning now do we? Mate of mine lost his job...STILL went out to work everyday same time for a week. Ashamed. Didn't tell his missus. Put my foot in it when I rang his missus and told her I had a job lined up for him. NUP!
We're the nights in shining amour, galloping in on a great white steed with lance at the ready. We listen then draw our imaginary monetary swords and slay the immediate bills that we're able to. Please girls, don't wake us in the morning and put your arm around us and say, "I KNOW you shed a tear last night...everythings going to be ok...YOU said so." We're MEN for God's sake! Only women bleed.
I'll finish with the male version of menopasal train of thought on the 'Full some' Prison line. "We hear the 'andropause' comin' it's comin' round the bed, we don't beg no lovin' since we're...ummm... full grown men...we're stuck in MEN...tal prison...time keeps draggin' on...if you don't understand us...then sisters we are... gone..."
To all you menopausal women out there and you andropausal men...all false breasts, wigs, tightened scrotums, bums, face lifts, cool gear, swank cars, double- storey houses aside. We married each other because each partner had a need of the other, to complete the reason for 'being there' and saying "I do." One day one of the partners may not be there on their side of the bed.
Then you'll hear a reassuring tinkle and a curse from the man as he trips over that stupid bloody china dog that roams the house. But he won't complain...he'll stick that stupid dog beside your side of the bed so that you'll trip ass over when you get up. Isn't there a song that goes..."you cain't always get what you want..." Nup. But you can hold each other and chorus "thanks for being here...thanks for filling my wants...to the best of your ability..."
Maybe I shouldn't be saying this? You see we're men. Men aren't allowed to get sloppy and emotional. Got something in your eye? Maybe it's the chillies?... sorry HRC. Cheers...