ARE YOU A SAFE DRIVER? SOME TIPS FROM ERIC DRIBBLE. riginal.
Eric Dribble. 105 clicks old. Driving instructor, ex-racing driver. Won at Le- mans 1413. Disqualified Le-womans 1414 for wearing a non-safety pink silk racing helmet and obtaining an illegal 'sex change' on lap 69. Ran out of juice. Rolled. Real ballsupn'off. Told by race doctors that he would never be able to conceive due to his short gear change and loss of 'overdrive' on the Benz. Newly obtained 'instructor's licence' from 'Backyard Freddy's wink wank drive a tank tanked academy.'
Formerly: 'Mexican take-away or eat here rally licence'. "So! you think you can drive eating Mexican hot-chilli in one hand and your other hand 'hands free' thumbing a finger at the Mexican Speed camera...bulldust!" Speed must be attained with both hands at the quarter- to- two position. If 'Speedy Gonzales' doesn't turn up at that time with your 'borrowed' Chevy...go ape.
I've driven all around the world. I have a map of the world painted on the floor of my garage. Apart from driving into the Red Sea on an amber doctors have given me the green light to pick up stray cows on my Bullbar. The Australian 'Walk against wank pickle society' are backing me...usually back into my garage. Seedy bunch.
First, the car, and where its wheels originated from. A long distant relative of mine, Ugg the Glugg, invented the square wheel in his cave. However, he didn't take out a patent. Next door, Agg the Magg...ot, came up with the triangular Mag wheel which is a favourite with young drivers these days. IE: The young hoons are looking at a pretty young hottie walking down the footpath with their doof doofs on max 3000 watts...no ifs and whoofs. They mount the kerb, Chitty chitty shitty Bang! Bang!...one or more triagular "la ahhh too latte late A" flung triangular wheels. Hence their popularity. Combined with bald tyres-it doesn't make for a good weekend...let alone a Goodyear!
Agg the Magg wheel 'nut' now makes fiberglass caves. Very popular with Americans at the moment who have had every fibre stripped from their brick caves. A 'stitch up' by the 'manic mechanics' from the Congressional recessionals. A group dedicated to "nothing concrete" in the unrelenting 'for sale able'? future.
Agg the Magg man was also a latent artist way back when. He depicted a group of 'Cong people' scratching their heads on his plasterboard wall and running around in triangular circles. Chucking another prehistoric 'burnt out idea' on the political barbie. With a one word caption. "Ugg we're Mugs!" It's actually one word but with all the participants running round like mad bees looking for a Queen bee to cop-u-late her-then blame. It's a case of buzzy busy buzzy word seperation. Get my sticky drift honey?
Anyway, back to driving the economy on the smell of an oily rag. WHOOPS! Full circle. I noticed when I was en-route to the truckies' highway 69 in dowtown Congress, the total lack of a steering wheel on the right dow. Take the big wheel off on the left dow and the steering committee is all at sea see? Rudderless. Shit! It's so hard to seperate politics from drive isn't it?
Therein lies the problem. No drive, broken shafted promises, triangular wheels of progress banged up by old hoons past their use by. Someone comes up with something reasonable and worthy of attention and all you guys hear is, "doof! doof! doof! WATT? Can't hear yews? Turn up the music! Back to the future of the car.
Ugg the Glugg actually designed a car that ran on caveman urine. The problem was, making an 'adjustable height' fuel filler pipe 'one size fits all thingy's'. Off course 'womens rights' pioneer Mrs bloody upstanding rock Queen Ugg the Glugg got in such a flap over indecent exposure issues that Mr.Glugg threw his hands up in the air. Pushed his square wheeled urine-failed invention back in the garage cave and muttered to himself,"oh piss off woman!"
He didn't even patent the idea! It was too late anyway. Agg the Magg came up with a car powered by political spin bullshit a week later. Didn't sell many because Mrs Agg took it for a hoon around the block...and spun out...ran out of bull. She rang Agg...had a nag. Rode the nag home. She was so peed off and just didn't want to get her hands dirty?
Ugg didn't give up though. He was planting a fig tree in his living room and this dark liquid came spouting out of the darkness. No, it wasn't the good oil. Mrs Ugg got ugly over the insider move putting holes in her favourite mamoth rug her mother knitted. She whacked her husband in the groin with her "rock- of- ages cleft for me" meat cleaver. Talk about getting caught between a rock and a soft place! Ugg just grimaced and said..."frigg it"!
Then he caved in at the local cave inn watering hole. Hate it when people repeat themselves...I'm praying for yews. There is a bite at the end of the funnel...watch out for the Web but...be careful...cheers.