ERIC DRIBBLE'S 105 & NEEDS SAX BADLY. riginal.
Hello all round people goin' round the world usin' this Internackers thingy to send their Toe Enails, Twatters, Spacebook, n' Bogs n' paste n' cuts, n' bloody trollies n' 'specially mix n' snatch (your money) women who are lookin' for sax or even a well-used mouth organ with minimal spit. And 'specially those Pawn sites.
I'm 105 year old Eric Dribble...but only occasionly. I'm usin' me grand-daughter's lapband computer thingy with a mouse...actually a she-rat. Wish the darn thing would stop crappin' over the keyboard. I pressed capital P and that's what the mangy bugger did!
This arrow thingy came up, the rat died when it put one foot on the 'backspace' the udder on small p 'enter'. The small p leaked between the udder two legs and ba-boom! Shorted rat. Stunk somethin' awful! Gave it a proper burial under the old goat tree...next to the goat...n' the cow n' the postman...n' me missus...n' the chinese goldfish.
I caught a cockroach n' taped that arrow thingy to it. It shot out the door n' I chased it cross the road n' it got cleaned up by a garbage truck. The garbo rooted round in the back of his truck n' grabbed a secondhand mouse. Harry backed off my foot n' I plugged the new secondhand mouse in n' everythin's goin' great.
When I want to shoot up to America I double kick on the mouse n' up comes a tail. Trimmed the tail a bit (Harry tried to bit me!) put a band-aid on, fed the mouse some cheese and double-clicked his bum on 'singles'.
Damn me if this cute Russian sheila doesn't pop up in front of me 'foot long' n' says "hi!...I only live 1 klm away do you like me?" I says with a lewd chuckle, "My mouse stopped nibblin' on my footlong meatball roll n' he nodded, that's good enough for me!"
She pops back "how old are you Eric?" I says with a big wink "105 not gout!" She replies "put the mouse on!" I says "stuff the mouse luv! what's wrong with me ?" The mouse finished off me roll, I double- clicked him...he burped and asked for a coke. Told Harry how the rat died and the mouse ordered a DRY 'No short' martini. Damn expensive mouse.
This Russian girl is still hangin' on n' down, and she says "What's your health like Eric?" The mouse butts in n' says "Eric went to the vet n' says "doc!...I've got an awful pain under the balls of me feet. The doc takes his thongs off n' says "No wonder Dribble...you're standin' on em!"
The mouse n' this Russian sheila's laughin' their heads off. I turned the candid lapband camera off n' thumped the damn mouse. I said "when I turn Olga back on, if you get smart, n' try t turn her on you're ratsack rodent, so watch your mobile whiskers or I'll burn them off. "That shut the little bugger up.
He finished off his dry martini in silence. Olga bangs up again, taking her top off. I covered Harry's eyes. There's some things a mouse shouldn't be exposed to as Harry is undercage anyway. Olga is nearly naked n' I says, "what gives you young hussy?" She pouts n' says "Don't you want cyber?... sex?" I says "no you silly woman "I want sax! These days I just want to blow the horn n' sing along with Bing Crosby's blues brothers."
Olga says "my 105 year old mother has one under her bed. You can have it for a song. She's a bit bent but blowable, has a small hole that is blocked off with blue-tac but she makes a great sound with the occasional "ppphhhttt in between blows."
Then, the stupid mouse butts in: "yes Olga but what's the sax like?" Olga goes "oh! mum will probably throw the sax in." I clicked the mouse on 'START'. Shut the lapband down. Threw the mouse out the door. Ended up buying a nearly spitless mouth organ.
Last time I heard from Harry he was partying over at Olga's joint...or maybe smokin' it? If Olga doesn't keep her mouse shut...or, should I say trap shut, God knows where that loudmouth smart-ass rodent will end up.
Probably on Broadway in the 'Mousetrap'...cheers.