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Thursday, October 19, 2017

Jack and Jill face a momentous hill. riginal.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, February 05, 2013

Jack and Jill must decide.Business or pleasure?

Jack and Jill got off the pill to try and make some laughter.

Jack felt down he left town Jill came trembling after.

(Bear with me)

Jill and Jack they got back.

To talkin' bout their problems.

They both agreed there was no need

For figntin' an' a squabblins'.

Grown ups and kids think that Jack and Jill DESPITE their fame and monetary gain that made them household names - have nary a care in the world. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Let's go back to the beginning. Jack,an unknown actor in 'Gollywood', tried out for a part in Jack and the Beanstalk. The clumsy Jack fell down and broke his crown. He suffered from height delirium...a sort of virtual vertigosis of the mos ass. i.e. Giant beanstalk scratches on mos of his ass's.

Incidently, the Gollywood studio itself went into liquidation. At this point my one loyal reader (Pooh Bear) is probably ringing his lawyer to smite me with a 'defamation of character' writ. To hell with lies. I'll writ what I like and suffer the split ends might they splay their writs in the court of rhythmic blues.

Hemmingway's dentist once said, and I quote, "You stuff the rhyme you do the time ing." 'Gollywog Productions' was smarting over the deeply panned and tanned 'FAILED' production of 'Gollywog does Debbie in Dallas'. It was deeply tanned humor. Apparently Debbie was dark on Golly. And by golly bi-Golly didn't take a shoeshine to Debbie? So, a new billion dollar movie sponsored by Congress was born.

It starred Pooh Bear. Everything was going great on location in a disused fan factory. Scene 4 take 100 of the 'adults only' 'Pooh swings His Brolly At Holly'. The handsome buffed Pooh Bear stood bare next to a metal fan. He swung his brolly towards young Holly...accidently hit the ON button on the fan-you've guessed it-"Pooh hit the fan!"

With the production in a shambles Congress scratched its collective head and found itself in the poo too. It withdrew its support for Pooh and Holly. Bankrupted the studio, and recouped a mere $20 back out of its invested one billion. As a result of the fan sale at auction. So far (if you're still reading Pooh) we have lost Gollywood, Golly, Debbie, Dallas, a shitty bear reader. Holly, and an unintentional 'shortening' of a bare brolly (brolly is short for umbrella but you knew that too Pooh?).

Congress gave Mavis the $20 cash from the fan and got her to sign off on a billion dollar receipt for 16 million coffees and four large jam donuts. On paper no-one was the wiser and no-one got jammed.

Except: the people of America and the non-existent '4 large donut' jammers. I'm the only Aussie that knows about this fellas so please keep this public info under your donuts. Strictly on a 'knead to dough' basis. Please don't ask me to jam it. I'll dough not one step further. Sprinkle if you must. My lips are sealed.

"Loose jam-lips sink donut ships." They can squash my donuts and torture me but I can assure you they won't get their dough back. They can put me on a rack...et. I'll not spill the donuts on yews.

"If a donut falls in your forest...does anybody hear?" They can take away my loved ones. I'll not talk. I'll give them some dough to take them away!

NOW! do you understand kids, the pain your favourite characters have to bear? Do you understand now why you little ones have to sell your toys and books and I pods n' trikes n' your houses n' things an' mummy n' daddy n' yews have to live in YOUR doll's house with Ken and Barbarella? (Barbie is divorcing Ken...sssshhh NOT in front of the kids or Congress!).

Then your local pollie will come buy your house for donutations toward their fiscal loss to bail Mavis out of jail for her billion dollar coffee damn jam donuts receipt fraud? OKAY! Back to Jack.

Jack found his thrill, Jill, on Blueberry Hill. His moon stood still. They formed a fetching tumbling duo. This is the whole crutch of the story. Jack was depressed over the thought of having a child/ren. Jill came trembling after. Jack and Jill are back to their successful career as a solo duo. WHY? Think about it.

Sounds selfish but IF the pair had a child or two it would pail their careers. Or water it down somewhat. Kids can't run round all day screeching out, "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch Jill's newly born twins some milk. Jack fell down and had to break a pommie crown cos he didn't have enough dosh to pay for it as the babies' costs are running them broke!"

You certainly couldn't ask Jill in her condition to CRAWL let alone tumble down a bloody hill. Don't milk your kids' piggy banks to shell out because someone has to pay America's debt back! Only kidding. Yews are gonna be fine. Mavis the tea lady is going to take out a loan! Soon as she comes back from her 'long service leave'.

I hope everyone understands Jack and Jill's plight. Maybe they could adopt through rent-a-rhyme?...maybe when Pooh stops hitting the fan he could babysit? Could at least put it on his 'bucket list'?...p.s.: Australia might help out.

You might be able to get Mavis (when she resumes work) to vacuum up a few million which fell through the cracks in OUR U.N. Security 45 million dollar seat?...thanks for reading Pooh...it's gonna be alright. God belts those who helps themselves?. You people in America with your hot rides...DON'T DROP DONUTS! it's illegal...my lips are jammed...cheers.



About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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