Friday, December 14, 2018

MY theory of evolution. riginal.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, January 19, 2013

"Don't know much about history...don't know much about trigonometry? Don't know much about the French chook I took..."


Okay, first up, no matter who or whom's womb or magic wand gave birth to creation of Mankind I can assure all and sundry, maybe even on Mundry (the nex day after Sundry) that man DIDN'T emerge from some swamp. My name is Prof. Blistergot and my new found theory holds water with some of the most advanced theologists ever to come to one of my watered down speeches with a bucket of poppycock.Some bring poppies and pass on the cock...and the bull.

Ok,point one. I have conversed and liased with the preacher from the Black Lagoon (swamp watcher and keen flea racer). The whole flea of us agree wholeheartedly that if man emerged as a result of swamp manifestation or woman infestation he/she would be covered in weeds or at least smoking one? So that blows that theory into the smoking weeds.

Some of you people believe that we are descendants of red bum monkeys. And our tails fell off often when they got jammed in the sliding doors of the 6pm downtown New York rush hour underground special? Commonsense refutes this crazy notion. I for one have never seen or heard of such a tale and believe me I've checked...nor have I come across a protruding double-chin swollen hairy bald red bum. If you do have one however...please send photo only and I'll enlarge it under Google micron and Lab test it with my Labrador's heat seeking nose. Remember in 'Planet of the Apes' how they tried to ape Abe Linkon? There was no such on link.

Still want to argue? Okay I'll concede that there are grease monkeys hanging round garages, not many but, as they get paid peanuts! Heads or tales I've never come across a well read one. Perhaps someone in Texas drilled one? Once again I must have the crude oil. There's no ifs and butts. Well, there is 'ifs' if it's bright red. Color photos only please and no creases or cracks. If it's your negative aunt Mavis that thinks we are a product of bacteria please send a color negative of her standing next to her germs. If she has rabies and a red bottom and a very long unmolested tale 'straight out of the box' so to speak, she may be the missing loon...LINK. I hear yews say "OK smart ass HOW did we get here?" Don't know bout you mob but I got here by hovercraft from the swamp with the preacher of the Black Lagoon.

THIS is the main POINT and main 'big bang' theory of today's blog. In man's quest for knowledge he/she-rabid aunt Mavis- will always look up at the sky for an eternity and behind...ummm BEYOND red behinds. That's why you have so many bloody tail end collisions on your freeways. For God's sake don't worry about where you came from. WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING! In Australia we're continually banging into each other.Maybe that's where mankind comes from? Maybe we should turn the lights on at lust?...ummm dusk?...MORAL:"Remember the song "keep your eyes on your driving and your glands on the wheel...keep your filthy eyes on the road ahead? We're having fun sitting in the (crack?) back seat huggin'and a kissin' with Fred?" Seriously,drug yourself silly on life. Don't beat yourself up. Sorry I drugged you away from the tele...cheers.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
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3 comments on MY theory of evolution. riginal.

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By HomeRearedChef on January 23, 2013 at 12:37 pm

Well, Riginal, I think that because I watching where I am going much too closely, is probably why I am always tripping.

Oh, and I just can't buy that "big band theory" idea. Just can't. :)

Cheers Dude!!!

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By riginal on January 23, 2013 at 01:55 pm

HRC I don't know what the traffic's like there? It's faster just to physically crawl from bonnet to bonnet here. Had a nasty fall myself when I tripped over a wiper blade. Seriously, don't know why God didn't give us wings. Everyone flaps around town like chooks with their heads cut off anyway. Why can't the governments put circus cannons in everyone's backyard? You often hear someone say "well...better shoot off?" bye.

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By HomeRearedChef on January 23, 2013 at 07:23 pm

Traffic here, Riginal, is up-and-down like a weaving snake. And, hey, I really like your idea of adding circus cannons. Cool!

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