Sunday, September 23, 2018

Attack of the Benign Tomatoes

Last week, a study was published that disavows any preventative chemical in tomatoes that would help protect men against prostate cancer. I am quite certain it will not stop those companies who hail such benefits from continuing the practice. Entrepreneurs with sharp senses for opportunity jumped all over the antioxidant craze and began selling them in every form imaginable. Many of those products were designed with lycopene, the now also ran element found in tomatoes. It was as if someone had launched an attack of lifesaving tomatoes. Turns out they were a bit more benign than previously thought.

Not all organic chemicals have failed to deliver as hyped. Some have exceeded expectations. Barry Bonds marched toward the most coveted recognition in baseball with a little flaxseed oil on his elbows. Other chemicals have historically delivered as intended, too, even if a bit overdone. Yellow cake uranium in Nigeria made its way to Iraq and was virtually snatched from the brink of deployment by those guys that Michael Moore hates so much. TrimSpa saved Anna Nicole's life, didn't it?

The moral of the story is that when faced with a choice between using chemicals or no chemicals to enhance one's life, or just to make a good story even better, always choose better living through chemistry. Just the other night, I inhaled helium from a balloon and covered a set of Barry White ballads at a VFW dance. (See what I mean about a good story?) Serenity, the kind that Tom Cruise would love to have, for example, is no further away than a medicine cabinet or apothecary.

I do have one recommendation for purging your inner George Costanza --- find an effigy of Tom Cruise and sit on it. As for me, I am relieved about the new study. I'll never have to sit on a tomato again.

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