Saturday, September 22, 2018

It's about uncontrollable stars. riginal.

by riginal (writer), moe australia, January 11, 2013

Even out in space there are quantum rules of speed/behaviour that must be adhered to...otherwise it's chaos!


SCENE: Universal Heavens. A young beautiful sparkling charismatic 'NEUTRON STAR' is pulled over for speeding on the Milky-Way by patrol officer Darth Vader who moonlights as a speeding/parking officer and 'garbage disposal' worker for N.A.S.A. Gotta make a buck somehow? If you look up Neutron star this will all make sense...perhaps.Can't be bothered? Pour me a cuppa too then please.

STAR: (speeding...sees Darth's Galaxy in 'round view' mirror, sabre flashing. She pulls over, straightens her low cut strobe dressage).

DARTH: (opens door of galaxy, float approach,hand on laser) "In a hurry young lass? This your Pulsar-just been Hatched?"

STAR: " It is sir,just been born Officer Vader...was I speeding?"

DARTH: "You WERE my fine-untethered friend...1500 klms per second.You blew my breath tester away. Ms Fangio."

STAR:"Are you sure officer? I mean that weary old rock guzzling Galaxy you're lucky to pull the skin off Earth's crust. I could with my magnetic pull."(sexy whisper)"Would you like to feel it?"

DARTH:(stern) " I had my quantum radar on you girl. I accelerated to 900 klms per sec...switched twin light year gear chargers on,was gaining.Had to brake to avoid Blackhole. N.A.S.A. trackers yelled "holy hell she's hot to trot she'll cause an accident,enable laser"...wait here...keep rotating,I'll check with headquarters." (Vader floats to rocking Galaxy,turns rock off. Checks reg via N.A.S.A.hookup.)

STAR: (winds down seductively, low hum) "Is everything ok officer? I've been registered in Einstein's x-ray observatory since 1054 A.D. Hence the Nova 'BIGBANG' numberplates."

DARTH:"Ahaaa! you,you're a 'born again' star...Ms Neutron Nebula Smith.YOU are in fact a very old star from the early days. Mutton dressed up as"big BANG WHAM ham thank you maam." Young star indeed! YOU played opposite and had a brief fling with the lead explosive swinger in Jesus Christ "Supernova." No wonder you're almost 4 to 8 times the mass of the sun. Look,I'm not going to book you for speeding,there's a more serious charge.Moonlighting-COW KILLING-came up.

STAR:(ANGRY) "That bloody old cow that "jumped over the moon?" I missed "hi-diddle-diddle the cat the fiddle. Stupid damn cow. At least I created the milky-way.It was raining rocks...over steered straight over steer- the silly old moo. I bet that bloody fiddling cat dobbed me in to N.A.S.A. I should have burnt the whiskers off that nasty pussy. I should have pulled some strings and straddled the fiddle...bloody annoying damn instrument...only sounds good if you've got curly hair and an orchestra behind you- tuneless talentless damn nocturnal pussy meow bloody MEOW! sucking on that moon vaulting piece of dried up cowflesh.I ask you officer Vader what self respecting cow jumps over the moon at night with a puss sucking on its teat."(bursts into uncontrollable crying).

DARTH:(hates tears tries to pacify) "There now, there there now, there there. Look!I know you're upset. I shouldn't have made that fission crack about your age,weight, and stuff, no self-respecting old Galaxy tart...(hand over mouth) umm young rejuvenated former star with a few well-earned nips and tucks in their craters should be spoken to like that. I'll tell you what Ms Neutron,you drive your hotted up Pulsar EX- Supernova blown hatchback at a respectable speed, ie: posted limit on Milky-Way 1000 klms a second which is the minimum speed responsible teenagers in America drive THEIR PULSARS at, and I'll tell N.A.S.A. that you were out visiting relatives watching 'War of the World's' on 'spacebook' that cow of a night a few moons back and get the charge dropped.Avoid the darn cat, and DON'T fiddle with diddle when it's high-or EARTH! Now go! and may the magnetic force be with you and watch your...WAIT! (star accelerates off...snaps Darth's laser sabre in half).

DARTH:(scratches head,turns nuke ignition on Galaxy,won't fire,lifts bonnet.Sighs)."DAMN old/young stars with their magnetic personalities...they just suck the life out of everything! (throws sabre laser pieces out window) Seriously,those Chinese laser quality control people are getting lazier and lazier with their Daft Vader laser products...probably need more space. More space junk! HELL! I'm supposed to be cleaning it up.(looks out window as sabre pieces float past) It's had the stick now...I'd better find a substitute piece of junk...aaahhh the hell with it I'll call it a light year night and contact Mar's on my backup toplap floating neon email twatter spacebook:"we'll jump you anytime anywhere 240000000 mega volts, Mar's battery bar. Open 24 hrs a day. Free coke if you spend over N.A.S.A.'s budget for onr jump.Closed every second Moonday and Somedays."

PS: Have you let puss out tonight to fiddle at the moon? a meandering meadow mouse?...catch a moonbeam,or at least MEOW? Have you made that cuppa? Have a scratch and Relax. It's the year of the fiddle. Didn't they do that while Rome burned? Told you those fiddles were no good for putting out fires! Maybe if there wasn't any strings attached?. Melted cheese...I mean cheers.

About the Writer

Bio...bioio...daylight come an i wanna go home. Come missa tele man tele me banana. A banana tele? Seriously would like to hook up with other comedy writers to engage.
Want to write articles too? Sign up & become a writer!

2 comments on It's about uncontrollable stars. riginal.

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By Mariola88 on May 26, 2014 at 06:55 am

Thanks that was so informative pozycjonowanie stron

 Report abuse

Log In To Vote   Score: 0
By riginal on May 26, 2014 at 07:43 am

Dzien Dobry.

 Report abuse

Add A Comment!

Click here to signup or login.

Rate This Article

Your vote matters to us