I want to offer you something to think about today. On the surface it is a very simple idea. In many ways the simplicity is why I feel it works so well. If something is too complicated when it comes to human behavior, most of the time I do not put too much stock in it. Narrow it down and get to the core and there is a better chance it will be helpful to you.
Let me paint a scenario for you to think about. I offer you this as it is something most of us deal with on a regular basis. Especially when our children are small.
I offer you Johnny who is 6 and Billy who is 8. They are driving Mom insane with their constant fighting and bickering. It starts the minute their feet touch the floor in the morning and continues non-stop throughout the day. As a professional I know that the fighting is not really the problem, it is only a symptom of whatever else is going on there . Obviously I want to help Mom stop the fighting, but if we do not figure out the WHY then they are going to continue to fight.
Understanding why something has happened in the past is the key to avoiding it in the future. That is precisely why we study history – to avoid repeating mistakes that bring about catastrophic results.
The bottom line is this: Whatever the problem may be, you will never solve it if you only address its symptoms. You have to dig deeper and find the reason for the behaviour or it will be repeated . There is always a payoff, and until you can determine that, the solution will be impossible to find.
No matter the problem, one of the first things to ask yourself is WHY? Be prepared to be brutally honest with yourself, if you really want to solve it.
I personally ask a lot of whys...I don't do this because I am being nosey. I do this because I truly do want to understand how you feel and what your reasons are for feeling as you do. Communication seems to be becoming a dying art and this I find very troubling. I wonder how this will impact the lives and relationships of those growing up in this generation.
" Please remember that people are not able to read your mind, and you need to express how you feel in order to be understood."