Sunday, January 20, 2019

Why Marriages Don't Last

Undeclared and unofficial short-term marriage system is already prevalent in all traditional societies that could be understood by ever growing divorce and separation rates of married couple.

The changing trends in the matrimonial and family institutions in dilemmatic and confused societies like India are quite apprant when you observe the radically changing trends that are taking place in this country. The fickleness of these institutions are quite visible in recent times, when you observe the number of matrimonial advertisements in the daily news papers and internet matrimonial web sites, out of which at least 65 per cent advertisers are second or third marriage persons (except widows) irrespective of their age groups and also the increasing number of criminal cases being filed in the Family courts. That means at least one or two marriages and one or two divorces have become a common trend now a days in the life of majority sections of women and men. Thereby our matrimonial lives have become “short-term” or “short-term” marriages are being preferred by us due to our fickle and unstable minds and life-styles.

But hypocracy is coming in the way to admit this social change with a fear that as outside world is still thinking that institutions of marriage and family are still very strongly based on traditional ethics and values. But if you observe the real-life incidents that are being reported by the media, all over the country, deplorable trends are being practiced by some sections that is adversly influencing the whole family and matrimonial system in India. Several questions are being discussed by some sections of traditionalists to safe guard both the institutions at any cost, by raising several questions.

1) Why matrimonial relations are not lasting for life long in recent times in India? 2) Why both men and women are establishing or continuing extra-marital relationships even after getting married? 3) Why both men and women want to get rid off their spouses in the guise of divorce, separation or by other criminal methods? 4) Are majority women and men are really interested or not interested in the long-term matrimonial relationship? 5) Are they getting bored and fed up with the long-term marital relationships? 6) Are both women and men psychologically feeling that traditional marriage system has become obsolete? 7) With a view to avoid the long term marital relations are they resorting to murderous activities to get ridoff their spouses? 8) Is it because of lack of legally valid short-term marriage system, this kind of crimes growing? 9) Is traditional marriage system and traditional laws are being imposed by law forcibly, even though the attitudes and mentality of both men and women have changed in recent times? 10) If short-term marriage system is introduced, will this kind of extra marital relations and murderous activities, gets stopped in the families? 11) Are women thinking that they are born free, but still their freedom is shackled under the guise of traditional long term marriage system?

Today educated women in the world are realizing importance of freedom to them, instead of marriage. Quite a good majority of urban educated women says marriage is a hinderance to their freedom and progression. Women are feeling that they are born free, but still their freedom is shackled under the guise of traditional marriage system, through out their life. Eventhough the shackles of marriage were broken by the hard-core feminists long ago, it is only today majority women around the world are realizing the importance of physical freedom to them unrestrained by the institution of marriage. Today majority of them either prefer to be single or to have only live-in relationships with a view not to loose their natural freedom. This you can understand clearly when you see the number of single women living independently in the society, after getting a job. Increasing education and good employment opportunities are infusing confidence among the educated women that they are no more dependents on men. They firmly believe that marriage thoroughly hinders their physical movements and restricts their freedom of thought and do not want to mortguage their unrestrained freedom of movements for the institution of marriage.

Even in traditional societies like India, now a days growing number of educated young women prefer dating, live in relations, or temporary physical relations for amusement, instead of being capitive in life long marriage. This is apparent if you see the ‘dating’ and ‘singles’ portals, where millions of employed urban educated women seeking relationships with men for temporary economic support or physical satisfaction. Dating and friendship are preferred over marriage, by majority such young employed women as traditional domination of men in the guise of husbands, over the women, is no more tolerated issue now a days.. The matrimonial, dating, friendship sites in India show the number of Divorcees or separated or 35+ unmarried women keeping their profiles, but they remain unmarried even after they crossed 40+ years, because, their preferences, tastes are not liked by majority men as still 90% of Indian men seek that their life-partner must be like a traditional obeying wife to the husband, inspite of her good education and employment.

Indeed, candidly speaking women lose their freedom after marriage, as many husbands often looks their wives with suspicion, if they freely talks or interacts with any other man, in his presence or in his absence. This ‘suspicion’ is the very fundamental issue where women think that they lost their freedom with the marriage and being trampled by husbands. Her mind gets grilled between respecting the traditional role as a typical wife and her values, and accepting modern thinking based on equal rights, freedom of thought and movements unrestrained by any force. In this chaos, majority educated women preferring the ‘freedom’ over the ‘marriage’.

But still the hypocratic human socities are imposing the system of marriage on the women of which women are unable to come out legitimately. Any physical relationship if women established with a man, beyond marital purview, is being considered by society and law, as illigitamate relation and on par with prostitution. This is the important reason that is forcing the women into the institution of marriage. If chance gets several married men often enter into physical contacts with other women out of lust or for physical amusement, but, if a married women enters into physical contact with multiple men, she will be called as ‘characterless’ and a ‘debachee’ and she will be given up by the husband. That hypocratic and discriminatory image is what the educated modern women want to avoid by avoiding the very marriage itself. Without entering into the matrimonial relationship, if a woman does have any number of secret contacts she can not be questioned in general by anyone, and her freedom of life remains intact. That freedom, infact some sections of women wanted even after the marriage, but the society is not accepting this and calling it as illegitimate. So, even today the women’s struggle for absolute freedom is going on. In a bid to acquire that freedom, even after marriage, if any any obstacles are coming in their way thay are mercilessly eliminating them, which could be found in the above cited incidents.

Her mind and movements are being controlled in the guise of institution of marriage for which the ‘husband’ is the Ruler and wife is Ruled. Now the rebellion is “why should we be ruled by the husbands”? “If we enter into the marriage we will be ruled, if we do not enter into the marriage we can not be ruled by men and our freedom remains untouched” this is the changed trend in women attitude, which is not digestible to men. Even if laws relating to equal rights, freedom etc., are enacted for physical control of the bodies, human mind and thoughts can not be controlled by the law and legal bodies. That freedom unrestrained by law or other humanly controls are being desired by the women. Therefore for majority sections of educated women institution of marriage has become outdated. They need something new institution.

Eventhough marriages are being solemnized under the traditional system of marriage for life long; the increasing divorce rate shows that marriages are lasting only for short-term. Some are getting separated one month after marriage some after one or two years. That means undeclared and unofficial short-term marriage system is already prevalent in the society. Various psychological, social, monetary and abuse reasons are already found for the divorce and separation of men and women after marriage. But, the remedies suggested by the learned people to protect the long-term relationships are not being welcomed by the people.

More and more freedom for personal life even after getting marriage and commercial attitude towards the marriage life are the two fundamental reasons that are making the marriages for short-term. Traditional marriage system is no more able to control the minds of people, especially of some kind of educated women are feeling that marriage system has become obsolete. So when the society has changed to such a radical level, instead of imposing the traditional marriage system, why should not we invite the Short-term marriage concept (contract marriage system), to minimize the problems and to decriminalise matrimonial and family lives. Matrimonial crimes would get reduced if short-term marriages are introduced, and both men and women live only upto the period both like each other, and get separated after the stipulated period gets ended, and they would renew the relationship if they wish to continue the tie up for further period till they fed up with each other. This facility would minimize the crimes and mutural harassments in the matrimonial relations.

If laws are enacted for short-term marriages, people would choose, wheather they want to go for traditional life-long marriage tie up or short-term marriage, before hand, at the time of marriage proposals only and they declare wheather they want short-term marriage under some terms and conditions and or long-term marriage for life long and sign on the papers and file them before the Family Courts. I think if this system is introduced, every one would go for short-term marriage, instead of sacrificing their physical and mental freedom for the life-long matrimonial tie up. Even if the short-term marriage system is not introduced, the incidents that are happening in the society reveal that marriages are lasting only for short-term, in one or the other way. The divorce and saparation rates are index for this situation.

The continuations of this kind of situation would one day make every one to ponder that Plato’s communism of wives would be exigent for all dynamic modern societies in the days to come, to decriminalize the institution of family and matrimonial relations and to give a true meaning for equality of freedom to both genders. Surveys and debates have to be conducted by law-makers, and media people on these issues to enact laws that are consistent with the changing attitudes of the people in the society. By dchaitanya

About the Writer

dchaitanya is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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