Friday, July 20, 2018

Hate Christmas? You Miss the Point

by Ely North (writer), Holy City, USA, December 12, 2012

There are many things to dislike about the holiday season, but spending time with family is what really matters

Dear Ely,

I hate Christmas, with a passion. When I was a bratty greedy child it was my favorite time of year. “Santa” always brought me what I wanted, even when I deserved to be on the naughty list. But as I’ve grown I’ve become aware of some saddening facts about this “magical” season, which have totally turned me against Christmas:

  • It’s unfounded. It’s supposed to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, but according to Biblical scholars, little baby Jesus popped out of the Virgin Mary’s holy hole in the springtime, not in December.
  • Paganism. Early Christians aligned Christmas with a December pagan holiday to trick the dirty pagans into converting. Decorating trees, Santa Claus, and giving presents are heretical pagan traditions that have nothing to do with Jesus.
  • Commercialization. Christmas is not about Christ. It’s a commercial holiday where people feel obligated to buy each other crap that they don’t need. The holiday has lost any religious significance it ever had.
  • Stress. People feel pressured to meet their obligations and make sure that everyone around them has a happy holiday, often at the cost of their own happiness.
  • It’s in your face. Even those who don’t celebrate the holiday are exposed to it nonstop. And the season starts earlier every year, prolonging the agony.
  • The waste. How many trees have to be murdered to supply us with wrapping paper, cards, and Christmas trees each year? How much energy is wasted to power the gaudy decorations with which people defile their homes?

Anyone who celebrates this bastardized version of Christmas is a delusional fool. This year, I refuse to participate. My family will try to persuade me to come back to the fold and celebrate with them, but I won’t. On Christmas Day, I will sit at home by myself and pray to sweet baby Jesus to forgive the sins of all the “Christians” who are misguidedly celebrating his “birth.” Will you join me in my protest against Christmas?


Chris Miss


Dear Chris Miss,

Man, I’m getting sick of you Christmas-haters. I mean, if you want to hate Christmas, that’s your business. I don’t really care. But you don’t have to be a dick about it. Even with all the holiday’s flaws that you mentioned, there’s something important that you’re leaving out. Christmas is a time to enjoy the company of the people you love the most. It’s as simple as that. So swallow your anti-Christmas bile and put on a cheery face – even if you have to fake it – and go spend the holiday with your family. Don’t deny them your presence, and don’t deny yourself theirs. In this life, you only get a limited amount of time to spend with the people you love. Don’t miss out on those opportunities because of some silly crusade against the misplaced principles of a beloved holiday.

Peace, Love, and A Merry Christmas,

Ely North

About the Writer

Ely North is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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2 comments on Hate Christmas? You Miss the Point

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By PATRICK PETION on December 12, 2012 at 02:32 pm

wow, i agree with chris, and that is so sad ely if you need a make up day to spend time with your familly. people suppose to be first. imagine you lied to your kid and you expect them to be honest with you and be honest member of society, that is chritmas.

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By Ely North on December 12, 2012 at 08:51 pm

I'm afraid you didn't understand. I'm not saying that Christmas is the only time of the year you should see your family. I'm saying that you should be happy to spend time with your family on Christmas rather than complaining about it.

It's amazing that your summation of Christmas is "lying to your kid", as if that's what the holiday is all about.

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