Procras’ta’dig’itation: waiting for things to magically happen.
Sit on it: a term use by old men at strip clubs asking for a lap dance, (among other things, this page is rated PG so I can’t go into further detail).
Su’icide bom’ber: a person eating a can of beans in a mobile home.
Mo’bile home: misnomer; it’s not mobile and it’s not a home.
French intell’igence: no such thing.
Sounds the same to me: slang term meaning; “get the he** out of here I don’t care.”
Fib’roid: a lying robot.
Grub’stake: a small piece of wood pounded into the ground with an attached string and a worm attached to the string.
Hair’br’eadth: this is what you get when you find the cook’s hair in your spaghetti.
Hail’stone: holy relic found in Presbyterian churches.
Guess’work: US government budget figures; a drinking mans game at strip joints concerning women’s breast sizes.
Pow’der’puff: what happens when you run over a bunny rabbit with a lawn mower.
Gyp’sum: price of a new car; bill from the repair man at your house.
In’ex’plic’able: a term to define why the guy in the next cubbie even has a job at the place where you work.
Stair’well: misnomer; it is neither a stair nor does it have water in it.
Stag’nant: a bachelor’s party with no strippers.
Stag’ger’ing: a bachelor’s party with strippers.
Star’dom: Britney Spears.
Con’cave: a place where escaped prison inmates hide.
Squirrel bait: Bucky Bieber fan.
Wo’man: person responsible for every evil person on the planet, because only they can give birth; see also money pit.
Man: greatest thing invented, especially if over fifty with grey hair.
Fry’in pan: metal object used by women on this author who have read the definition of woman.
Thor: mainly used by people with a cold; “I have a thor throat.”
Cott’on pick’in: person hired by the elderly to remove fluffy white stuff from aspirin bottles, (not to be confused with nose pickin)
Pan’cake: this is what you become after falling 50 floors onto the concrete sidewalk below.
Phar’ma’cy: what little kids say while going thru Nebraska.
Matter: see “your vote.”
Your vote: it don’t.
Great Caesar’s ghost: what Perry White says when Superman catches him giving Lois Lane a ‘raise’.
Balls of fire: what happens when you mix beer and black beans.
Scar’let fever: what Rhett Butler had in “Gone With the Wind.”
Miss’ion im’poss’ible III: my getting a raise this year; see also
Mission Impossible I, and Mission Impossible II.
Dark side of the moon: a black man’s butt.
Once in a blue moon: how often an employee gets praise from the corner office.
De’luge: what Norwegians call a snow sled.
De’mote: what people from Jursey say when looking for the TV control; “where’s demote.”