As parents we accept certain things. And one of them is that our children grow up and eventually leave home.
Even though we accept this, it does not mean we like it.
Son no 2 has lived in Dubai for almost 2 years. I would be lying if I said I was totally happy with this. Has he made the right decision to start his career there - YES. Is he better of there - YES. Does he have better prospects there - YES. Is he safe there - YES. So why a I not happy? Because I still think of him as my baby and I want to be near him and protect him and share certain memories with him.
It was his 21st birthday on Sunday. I really wanted to be there with him. I looked at the possibility of us all going to Dubai for the weekend to celebrate this milestone in his life with him. But as son no 3 is writing exams, we couldn't make this happen.
I brought up the possibility of me going alone. Hubby said I should go - he said I could go with pleasure, but he wouldn't be impressed with it. So I thought it through - what would I do there alone? My son would feel obliged to spend the time with me rather than celebrating with his friends - and no young man wants his dear mommy around during these sorts of occasions.
It is different if we were there as a family - he wouldn't feel obliged to spend all the time with me and keep me entertained. Then there is also hubby who would not have been impressed if I went alone. So is it worth rocking the boat?
So for the last week I have been on edge. Moody. Irritated. Annoyed.
And then on Saturday we tried to talk to my son via Skype but we couldn't hold a conversation due to a bad ADSL line. In fact I haven't had a decent conversation with my son for weeks because of our poor ADSL line. And all of this culminated to me breaking down and just sobbing my heart out.
I am not really an emotional person. I don't typically cry. I have the odd moody moments but these are also few and far between. A little more regular since menopause has set in but in general I am a very sane, level headed person.
Hubby does not do well with emotional people. He has no idea what to do. Rather than holding me and comforting me and just letting me cry it out, he tells me to pull myself together and tells me I am being silly.
So I try to pull myself together. It doesn't help emotionally as all I want to do is sob my heart out, except now I am doing it internally rather than letting it all out.
Then that night I lay in bed while hubby is fast asleep. And all I can think of was the eve of my first sons 21st birthday. We had been out for diner. Hubby had gone to bed and kids were getting into their pajamas. I was tidying up the lounge when I looked up and saw a man in a balaclava pointing a gun at me. We were held hostage by 6 armed men that night while they went through our house and took all our valuables.
So I have found 21st birthdays to be rather a let down.