For some (like me), the never-ending up and down experiences have been, to some degree, rather traumatizing. And because there isn’t a manual, per say, I thought I’d brave to share just a little of what my life has been since becoming menopausal, and much of which have become embarrassing moments.
Sure, there is plenty of information out there, in books and on the internet, on what symptoms to expect: hot flashes, night sweats, loss of libido, mood swings, fatigue, sleep disorder, difficulty concentrating, memory lapses, weight gain, depression, anxiety, irritability, headaches, joint pains...to name a few. I found a list of 34. And though everyone’s experiences differ to a great degree, what we each feel is real enough.
I have spoken to a handful of women that were courageous enough to share with me just what they have actually gone through with their change of life: out-of-nowhere outbursts that takes those you love by complete surprise, the overwhelming feeling of desperation and unsettling anxiety, the drowning loneliness—a fading into a realm of non-existence. And even dealing with thoughts of suicide, an unexpected side they would have never believed possibly could plague their thoughts.
Reading about menopause and actually living in the skin of menopause is a whole other story. Trying to describe and even attempting to convince someone that you are no longer the same person is, well, far from easy without sounding crazy! Some days we benefit from the company of loved ones, and on other days it is a great irritation—a real struggle to keep from screaming out to be left alone, as you desperately seek solitude.
The drive to work-out and eat healthy is one-week-on and two-weeks-off. I lose ground just when I think I am making progress.
So the battle to get fit and healthy rages on!
For some of us, our bad days far outweigh our good days. For me, I often see my life as being over—as if my days were numbered—not much to look forward to now. And where I once believed I was an attractive woman, now I can no longer see beyond my appearing wrinkles and multiplying gray hairs.
Hence my youth is gone and old age is quickly creeping up on me. Where once resided happy security, fear and doubt have taken over, and this is just no way to live!