Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Life Under the Influence of Menopause

by HomeRearedChef (writer), San Jose, November 21, 2012

Being Menopausal is like a bouquet of flowers on bright display.

My pet peeves are more peevish living life under the influence of Menopause. So reader be forewarned!

This menopausal post is written with a great number of Italicized words and EXCLAMATIONS, both known to be seriously harmful to the eyes!!! You have been warned!!!!

So what annoys me to no-end? Actually, since becoming menopausal, what doesn’t!!! From the moment I get out of bed…NO! From the moment I step outside my house…NO!! From the moment I get in the car and am on the road, mingling with other drivers, I am like a woman on a mission!!! Not that that is what I was thinking I would do when I got up that morning. Stuff happens!!!

Basically; don’t get in my way! Don’t cut in front of me!! Don’t look at me the wrong way!!! And don’t whateveryoudo flip me off!!!! I will not be held responsible for whatever may happen next. It will be your unlucky day and timing that you ventured out and so dared to offend me, no matter how unintentional!! I will step on my gas pedal like a boulder dropped from on high and chase you down till you’re slobbering on the phone and calling for help!!

This actually did happen; I am [almost] too embarrassed to admit this!

I did chase her for a-ways, but quickly came to my senses. Like, what was I really going to do to the silly girl that was trying to drive me off the shoulder? Like really!? Was I going to get out of the car and beat her to a pulp? Seriously!? The worst I did, after I took a few deep breaths, was shake a no-no-no index finger at her (No! not the middle finger, people!!) and safely made my way home!!

I’ve been known to reach over hubby’s wheel and lean full-force on the horn because I didn’t like that someone cut my hubby off, nearly ramming into us and causing an accident.

What??!! What would you do?!! Someone had to do it!!! My husband certainly was not going to be the one; though he will ask me if I would like to take the wheel.

But my worst pet peeve EVER is waiting at a red light, been waiting there forever, and when it is finally green and it is our turn to go, we can’t!! We have to sit waiting like cars in a Grand Prix for at least three and four more cars to RUN THE RED LIGHT!!!!

This is when I go LIVID!!! What happened to rules and obeying the law??!!

Give me a bag of tomatoes and eggs and I’ll throw them at the offending cars. Take that, you no-good blanketie-blank-blank-blank!!!!!!!

Please! These have not been my proudest or finest moments. It is the fault of my alter-ego; that Menopausal Wailing Banshee emerges like Mr. Hyde on speed on a happy hunt for fresh blood. Sigh!

I am happy to report that I am under hubby’s therapy; he is working on trying to teach me to take deep breaths and stay calm. And on my bad days I am not allowed to drive. Baby steps here!!!!!

About the Writer

HomeRearedChef is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on Life Under the Influence of Menopause

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By riginal on November 22, 2012 at 12:16 am

riginal here, what you are going through is completely normal for a woman and a MAN. My missus is a Pole, when she started her menopauseality transition she acted like she was up one! It's my fault our kids have no respect for us and have minds of their own because i stuffed around and made a joke out of everything. My fault my son's little boy say's "you're silly la la poppy and puts his arms round me". My fault the automatic traffic arm thingy came down in the carpark and pulled her bra off whilst she was telling me off! She was so enraged (seeing doctor bout her snoring) she told doctor snoring only occured during sex! And i'm a nutter? My fault she blew $80,000 retirement fund. When i questioned her, the answer? spent it on "ummm"-wait for it-"bits and pieces!"(daughter travels) My fault she married a childish fool. I used to look like Elvis, (before he died) And now it's my fault i'm fat bald and ugly. It's my fault she stopped laughing after i took down the bedroom ceiling mirror? Word to husband, don't sit your missus down to explain what you've done for her as she hasn't got 3 seconds to waste! She's a real good looking woman my wife and kind and gentle and sometimes always yelling at me mostly all the time but isn't that true love? Isn't that what mugging-ummm-marriage is all about? Look! your madcap feelings will pass, you'll gradually mellow and you'll wonder in years to come why you chased your husband down the street with a shotgun, why you kicked the cop in the testicles who was trying to pacify you with a delicious 'two handed' 'sandwich. Why you strangled the bitch next door for ringing the police. Why you backed out over 90- year- old Maude who was just trying to kick start her Harley to go shopping for a meth special. These things will pass girl. You will go on to do wonderful things...just forget about that useless husband and knocking down meth-Maude again on the way home from explaining to Judge Judy that mega-pause made you do it all. Ask doctor Phil...he had a bit of a blue with his missus...and he's sane! Cheers...or is it cheese? And tell that useless lazy husband of yours that he's extremely lucky to have you and if he says one bloody thing in his miserable defence...i'll lend you my wife's shotgun!

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By souschef on November 22, 2012 at 12:53 am


A little frightening, but nice!

Actually, if you stop and think about it it is interesting how menopause can stir up such feelings and create such irritation.

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By HomeRearedChef on November 22, 2012 at 01:23 am

LOL! Riginal, you had me cracking up. And thank you for the offer, but I'll pass on the shotgun. :)

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By HomeRearedChef on November 22, 2012 at 01:25 am

And because of those most annoying irritating menopausal moments is why I look for the opportunities to poke fun at life and me!

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