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Wednesday, November 22, 2017

How Sex Toys Saved the World

by Maylin Gonzalez (writer), , November 10, 2012

Credit: Etsy.com
Bumps and Humps and Curves... OH MY!

"Why thank you, that is my masturbation device collection..."

I recently read the "Virgin Diaries" on Cosmopolitan and to be honest, they were pretty basic stories of "what an asshole" and "why did it do it". Sometimes i wish i could read something that was more heartfelt and honest, something that grasped my attention for longer than 5 seconds. Something that i would find amusing to read but find ultimately stimulating and making me utter "omgosh!" Lately, nothing has... so I wander off into the internet, doing research and just simply browsing. To my surprise... yet again... the things you find are unbelieble!

I'm sure you have read one of my earlier posts on Etsy and what i have discovered, if you have not... endulge here: "Etsy Sells Wood" - So i ventured into Google to research "Sex Toys" for my next piece and where do i end up again? That's right, Etsy! - I swear, this place is a handmade, "organic" gold-mine!

Don't beleive me? Look for yourself! --> Toys! <-- What do i absolutely love about these? Believe it or not... how colorful and fun they look! So many colors and sizes, with bumps and humps, curved and swirled! Nearly makes me want to get a couple just so i can display them... maybe even have a collection and when guest arrive i'll have them sit next to the collection... i can just see it now:

Guest: "Oh you collect sculpures!"
Me: "Yes, yes i do."
Guest: "These are wonderful, what are they?"
Me: "Why thank you, that is my masturbation device collection."
Guest: "Oh... well..."
Me: "Yes, yes. I am very proud... Would you like to hold one?"
Guest: [puzzled look]
Me: "It's ok, they are handmade." [Smiling Proudly] "and I got them on Etsy!"

...and then the world would make sense and dry spells would be resolved ... and then it would save the world because everyone knows that we are mainly upset because of all the sexless people out there. Because, who would want to have sex with mean people anyways!? Oh and then, people would rave about my collectiveness genius and i would be given recognition at the World Erotic Museum in South Beach!

Yes. Yes... all because of Etsy!



About the Writer

Maylin Gonzalez is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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1 comments on How Sex Toys Saved the World

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By riginal on November 14, 2012 at 08:16 am

My name is Eric Dribble, i'm 99 years old, (pHD: majored in sexual relation comparisions between the common cucumber and the wilful Australian willy). Representitive of 'PYSW'. (plant your seed wisely)... and keen sloth racer. You may remember the 'mad cucumber' disease of 1909 which i was in the thick of and eventually quelled by boiling the rampant wretches as opposed to 'balling' them...which was the cause of the whole wretched saga...or sucker...in the first place. Talk about a pickle!...actually some desperate hussies did! I digress however, indeed, after i boiled the mad cucumbers they went rubbery, so i then produced a range of sex toy vegetables out of rubber. Only problem being that a lot of so-called 'real' vegetables these days taste like rubber. However, a young lady that purchased one of my imitation cucumbers declared that it just melted in her mouth...during her fire-breathing act! Now...i know the writer of ' how sex toys saved the world' will tell me to shove it but i'm reluctant to do so while it's still smoking! Cheers. God bless America...and the humble cucumber.

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