Sunday, July 22, 2018

You've David Crossed Me for the Last Time.

by Jane (writer), Astoria, May 06, 2007


For the second time in my life, I ran into David Cross in a bar downtown. And for the second time in my life, I managed to ignore him. David Cross is my hero. He’s one of the top five people who have influenced my life. His writing is genius, his comic delivery is hilarious and his acting is perfect. I’m a huge fan. But he will never know and worse yet, for a few reasons, it would be considered rude for me to tell him.

I discovered David Cross when a friend introduced me to Mr. Show with Bob and David in 1997. Mr. Show was the most brilliant comedy program ever but only ran for four seasons on HBO. More recently, he’s known for his work on Arrested Development. He’s also been in tons of movies over the years. He’s well-known but still not a giant mega-star comedian like Seinfeld.

David Cross is also notorious for being unkind to his fans. Several friends and friends-of-friends have said that when they interacted with David Cross, he was rude and snotty to them. Not to mention, in NYC, we’re supposed to pretend we don’t notice the famous people all around us. And, in general, I abide by that rule. When I saw Debbie Harry in SoHo, I didn’t make a big fuss or attempt to talk to her or ask her to sign my boobs. I simply told people later that I saw Debbie Harry and then passed judgment on how she seemed. And while Debbie Harry is awesome, I wouldn’t consider her one of my role-models. As New Yorkers, we ignore celebrities, as we are supposed to.

The first time I saw David Cross it was on Halloween in a bar on Ludlow. He was with a few friends at a table and I was completely drunk out of my tree. I was so polluted that for a minute, I thought I’d go over, say hi and sit down. Then I thought to myself, “Self, you are too drunk and if you walk over to David Cross right now, you will make an ass of yourself and David Cross will think you are an ass and your ego won’t ever recover from having your comic hero think you’re an ass. Best to stay on the bar stool and not look at him.” And that’s what I did. Heck, it was enough to share the same air space as him.

But last week was different. Last week, I was [more] sober when I saw him. And between the first sighting and the second, I had read a piece he’d written for New York Magazine wherein he admitted to hating when fans approach him but said that if people must, buying him a drink might be an acceptable route to take. So that’s what I had decided to do when my friends talked me out of it. One disparaging word from him might have crushed my fragile essence. Once again, I resigned myself to drink and not interact. I even sat in a separate room so I wouldn’t be tempted to stare at him like a psycho. Later he left the bar alone while I happened to be standing outside and I STILL managed not to say anything. I'm that respectful of his wishes and that much of a fan.

I understand that being famous must not be as easy as it looks. I understand that it must get annoying for strangers who think they know you to constantly want you to do something for them. What I don’t understand is how hearing, “I really appreciate your work and you’ve been an inspiration to me,” can ever possibly get old. Who wouldn’t want to hear that? I promise not to scream and shout and draw attention to you. I promise not to ask you to watch my reel or give me advice. I promise not to ask you to sign something or talk to someone on my mobile phone. I will try my best to be as low-impact on your life as possible. However, next time I see you, David Cross, I will speak to you. And I won’t say, “I heard you’re a dick but I’m waiting to be proved wrong.” I will say, “I love your work and it’s making my day to interact with you,” and I will extent my hand. You can take it from there.

About the Writer

Jane is a writer for BrooWaha. For more information, visit the writer's website.
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4 comments on You've David Crossed Me for the Last Time.

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By Matt Weston on May 06, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Go for it! Even if Cross comes off all snarky and bothered - which he might well do - THAT can be part of your "Cross run-in story." It's win-win. True story: few yrs. ago a friend of mine saw Kobe Bryant at a club, sat down next to him, and began chatting up his (Kobe's) rape case! Surely it can't get any worse than that.
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By Jane on May 07, 2007 at 12:25 am
Next time I see him, I should ask David Cross about his opinion of Kobe's rape case. That's a good conversation starter. I should totally do that. At least then he'd remember me.
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By Venditto on May 07, 2007 at 12:39 am
HOLY COW! Right now, before I even startingl ooking at this site, I put on a bunch of downloaded episodes of Mr. Show to watch in the background. I shit you not! How crazy is that? Also, there's a line in one of the greatest movies ever made that applies to you in this case. The Line: "Don't let anybody EVER make you feel like you don't deserve what you want." The Film: "10 Things I Hate About You." a lesson in life from Heath Ledger.
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By Jane on May 07, 2007 at 12:57 am
I feel that I deserve a sweaty Heath Ledger in my bed. Total yum. But that's weird about Mr. Show. You should get the DVDs. The commentaries are just more funny excellentness.
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