An ego is a terrible thing to let run wild, it can consume your very being and cloud what should be truly important to you as an individual. The term used for these people who lack shame, feel the need to prop up themselves at any cost, and think they are God’s gift to the planet are called, “Narcissists.” Not to be confused with someone who loves themselves in a healthful way or a sociopath who feels the need to control people but does not need recognition in any way. Self love is an important characteristic that is necessary for not only the happiness of themselves, but also the people around them. That is because people who are self loathing often do not love themselves which makes it impossible for them to truly love other people as well.
Narcissists are unable to truly love other people as well, but for different reasons. People are nothing more than a means to an end for them. They purposely surround themselves with people who who only stroke their ego and that they can control. They may have the facade of someone who is indeed good looking and social, but they really cannot and do not understand other people’s needs. They are immensely insecure people who are the types to constantly post pictures of themselves and their accomplishments on social media. When you hear them speak in person or on the internet they will always make sure you are well aware of their accomplishments.These people often use the word “I”, but rarely speak in terms of a group by using the word “we”, as they could care less about anyone else in all actuality. In an interesting but possibly not shocking research showed that since the advent of social media narcissism is on the rise in the United States. A study found a link between narcissists and their activity on facebook as they were doing excessive activities such as tagging themselves and also having large amounts of “friends” on facebook.
By now you probably have identified people in your life that fit these characteristics and it is probably starting to make sense why you have not respected or gotten along with these people. In an attempt to boost their own egos narcissists feel they need to degrade others. Their massive insecurities are uncontrollable impulses that decide their every move which means they often feel the need to superficially raise their sense of self worth by any way possible. Because of this fixation on this feeling like their lies of self confidence to the world may be exposed they are continuously obsessed with making sure the facade never goes away. By doing so they are putting all of the attention on themselves and not being understanding to other people’s needs.If anything they will look to you for emotional support, but are never there for you. Narcissism is an example of selfishness for oneself that ends up hurting them because of their inability to properly understand and communicate with other people.
It is believed that people who become narcissists are the result of either improper upbringing in the sense they were babied and given everything they want from the start or that they experienced some kind of trauma in their life that never got resolved. I suspect that even stronger and obvious cases of narcissism may involve both these happenings on the same individual as I have seen it so in friends. Many people raise their children unaware that they indeed are helping foster an emotional mess for the future by impulsively giving things to their children instead of being firm when needed.The impulsive decision making of the parents then helps nurture the impulsive behaviors of their children. My parents never gave me money and it forced me to get a job at 14 to get the things I wanted. If my parents had instead just handed me everything from day one I would be a much different person than I am today and possibly a narcissist too. As much as I was jealous of other kids at that time, I now see that their strength with me also taught me values that stayed with me through my life.
Pretending like your problems aren’t there or constantly rationalizing the things we do does not change the reality of the lives we live. When we face our problems head on and put ourselves out there to the world as we truly are is a brave thing, but also something that is healthy for our psyche. The right way to deal with insecurity is not by trying to create a false sense of self that we can never maintain. The best way to deal with our insecurities is to be self aware of why we feel the way we do and understand the importance of listening to our values and not our impulses.