Thursday, July 19, 2018

What I Learned from My Grandfather, Whom I Never Knew

Although I hardly knew him, my grandfather taught me a lot through his courage and hard work.

My paternal grandfather was old and decrepit by the time I was six. I recall him sitting crumpled and cynical in a lawn chair, wielding a cane at his grandkids as they ran in circles around him, muttering under his breath a mixture of bad English and his native Italian dialect. He was an immigrant from southern Italy and had spent his whole life around other Italian immigrants, so he had learned little English. By the age of 60, he was a cripple from a lifetime of working in a steel mill. When upright, he didn't so much walk as shuffle painfully, inches at a time, with the help of a cane. His legs were weak and arthritic.

Born in 1890 in a small Calabrian coastal town called Cropani, Grandpa Rocco left for the US in his late teens along with scores of immigrants from various impoverished European countries - Italy, Ireland, Germany, Poland. It was a courageous thing for a poor southern Italian man with no education, who couldn't read or write his own language, to do. He was driven by desperate poverty and the desire to have a better life.

The life Grandpa Rocco found in the US was a difficult one, as it was for most of those who came here looking for something better. With no education and unable to speak English, his only assets were a strong back and an equally strong willingness to work.

He took piecemeal work in a steel mill in Utica, a small town in upstate New York. The harder he worked, the more he was paid. It enabled him, as the sole source of income, to support a family of five and buy a modest house. It wasn't opulence, but it was far more than he ever could have achieved in Calabria, where he would have worked just as hard for far less.

Grandpa Rocco had three kids, the eldest of whom was my father, Anthony Paul. All three finished high school and my father attended an elite engineering school on the GI bill.

From what I am told, my paternal grandfather was a quiet, stern man, small and compact, with biceps that bulged from the manual labor he performed his whole adult life. His labors didn't stop when he came home from the steel mill - during his off hours he gardened relentlessly, growing vegetables in an empty lot and sharing the proceeds with the owner. And in keeping with his Italian heritage, he also made wine from Zinfandel grapes he and his Italian paisani saved their pennies to buy from California once a year. He drank it at a rate of about a liter a day.

I have vague memories of Grandpa Rocco sitting silently at the head of the dinner table after a long meal, before him a tall glass of sliced peaches swimming in his rose-colored wine. He ate each golden wedge one at a time, a look of bliss in his eyes as he took in the combined pleasure of the wine and the peaches, both the product of his ardent labors. My grandfather's life was hard, but it had its pleasures.

Grandpa Rocco was forced to retire when a droplet of molten steel at the mill splashed off a cold surface and struck him in the eye, causing him to lose the eye and with it the depth perception he needed to do his job. He went on the dole and lived out his last years in a nursing home until his death at the age of 87.

Even though I never knew Grandpa Rocco in any intimate way, I feel that I know him today through his courage, his desire for something better and his willingness to work hard to achieve it. I realize that if not for him, my life might have taken a very different course and I might not have anything resembling the life I now have. Thanks to him, I enjoy a life that he couldn't dream of - living in New York City, earning a six-figure income, a cushy job office job instead of back-breaking work in a hot, dusty steel mill.

My grandfather came to the US to pursue a simple dream. He wanted the chance to work hard and get something back for it, more than the subsistence living he would have had in his homeland. He didn't want to become a millionaire, though some of his fellow immigrants did - he was satisfied with a simple life, his family and basic comforts like homemade wine and home-grown vegetables. Even with little education, America offered him the opportunity to achieve those ends.

Today's America is no longer the land of opportunity for the least among us, those with few skills but a willingness and ability to work. It does not welcome the world's huddled masses, nor could it offer them better lives if it did. The jobs that enabled salt-of-the-earth workers of my grandfather's day to live decent, productive lives are largely gone, sent overseas to countries that offer cheap labor.

The American Dream had been my grandfather's dream - that hard work produces benefits. Why America no longer offers that kind of opportunity is open to debate, but without that implicit pact, that promise of a better life, America is no longer the great land of opportunity that my grandfather knew when he came to its shores a century ago.

About the Writer

I am a San Diego-based freelance technical writer and author of biographical non-fiction, first-person journalism and essays. My work can be found on the online community newspaper under my own name and my pen name, cityfeller.
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3 comments on What I Learned from My Grandfather, Whom I Never Knew

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By Barbara MacDonald on October 09, 2012 at 04:52 pm

This is a great article Tony...I really enjoyed reading it and it made me travel back in time asking questions about my own history. My birth Mother was Italian, Sicilian, I lived with her till I was 7...went into foster care, then returned to live again with her at age 10-12...after this I was adopted by a wonderful family. I will never know now my history, and medically it would be so helpful to know.

I have lived now in Canada many years and feel in many ways Canada is now the place that many emigrate to looking to find a better life. Canada truly is a cosmopolitan nation and opportunity still exists here . Also there are many programs aimed at helping newcomers to start a life here.

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By Tony G. Rocco on October 09, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Thanks, Barbara. Appreciate the compliment and am happy to hear that there are still countries where immigrants can get a fair shake.

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By Steven Lane on October 17, 2012 at 09:39 pm

Great story!

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